LiquidFlames Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 hi, i have posted on here a couple of times at the beginning of my relationship, little update is that things are going absolutely great with my girlfriend and we love each other very much. i just wanted to get some advice on something coming up, basically its her best best friends 21st birthday this month and she (and her friends) want me to go along (which is nice). she says she really wants me to come and itll be reeeally fun and im all up for that cos her friends are great. the only issue is that although i like to go out and have a good time and usually get very very drunk like any other student(!!) a lot of her friends are into doing cocaine and things when they are out, just casual - never more than too much, and not often. but they do it, and my girlfriend occasionally does it too. my issue is that i dont know how to act around it, me and my girlfriend have had some big arguments over the subject because she does those things (-every once in a while-) and i dont, and i have accepted that. (this isnt about that). im just wondering how i should act around her friends, and if she goes to do it with them or something? she knows i dont like her doing it and we agree to disagree on that, so should i be angry if she does it that night? Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I had a problem with my ex smoking weed, although she only did it once or twice while we were together. Now...cocaine...I don't think I'd put up with that. I'd be angry, yes. I'd probably be uncomfortable around her friends, too. That's definitely not cool. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 It's up to you, i'm sure you will get a million different responses to this, as you do when you post things about drugs...some people think itt's the devil, others just see it as a way to relax once in a while... I'd be more worried about someone that needs to have a glass of wine every day than someone who does the odd line at a club or after a dinner party now and then. However, it's what makes YOU feel comfortable or uncomfortable. I can give my opinion and so can a hundred others, but you have to decide if YOU are Ok with it. personally i don't see anything wrong with a little indulgence once in a while. The problem with drugs is that some people think that occasional drug user=hardcore addict. Not true. Some people can be addicted to shopping or maxing out their credit card. I think someone with an addictive personality isgoing to be addicted to whatever they can get their hands on. If the drugs weren't there, they may get adicted to drinking, or shopping, or spending money or gambling etc. I think someone even started a thread recently about addictions. In my opinion it's not bad to dabble in it occasionally, but if she needs it and it affects her and the relationship then I see it as a problem. if all you are concerned about is how to act around them, is just be yourself... you dont' need to try and put on a show for anyone Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 she knows i dont like her doing it and we agree to disagree on that, so should i be angry if she does it that night? These two sentences contradict each other. If you've agreed to disagree, then you really aren't in a position to get angry at her. Furthermore, if you do get angry right then, it will likely ruin it for everyone else, because that's totally awkward and uncomfortable when a couple fights. Not to mention you'll be arguing with a person who's high... Why not just act normal and if it upsets you, deal with it the next day when you're both sober? Link to comment
Truth317 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I don't know any way to explain to you HOW to feel comfortable around people that do things that make you uncomfortable in the first place. Drugs are nothing but trouble, they're a dead end. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 The problem with drugs is that some people think that occasional drug user=hardcore addict. Not true. That's your belief and I respect that, but I find it hard to respect someone who gambles with their health like that. It's a very dangerous game to play. I'm not saying it's up to him to pull her out of that behavior, but if he's not ok with it (and it sounds like he isn't, but he's trying to cover for it), he doesn't have to put up with it. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 That's your belief and I respect that, but I find it hard to respect someone who gambles with their health like that. It's a very dangerous game to play. I'm not saying it's up to him to pull her out of that behavior, but if he's not ok with it (and it sounds like he isn't, but he's trying to cover for it), he doesn't have to put up with it. I never said he had to put up with it.... I said it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. We can all give him our opinions, but it's essentially up to him to decide if it matters or not, not you, not me, not any other ENA poster. I don't think occasional drug use is that dangerous.... every week or even every month drug use...maybe. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 it seems to me that she knows you're not ok with it, but that doesn't mean she's gonna stop. that's probably the main reason for these arguments which arise about the topic (using cocaine/hard partying). how should u act? well.. i'll give realistic advice, instead of "cocaine is bad, maybe you both aren't a good match, etc". i'd say you're either going to have to lie to yourself that you're ok with it and loosen up. definitly don't make a scene in front of her friends (who also use it) and pout or argue with her about it. play it cool. and maybe try and have fun anyways. if my bf was doing cocaine, and i wasn't into it, i'd be getting really angry/unhappy about it too. i'd rather not be around someone doing stuff i don't approve of and it's hard to relax. plus since i don't use it, i find using cocaine is unnecessary to have fun, an also dangerous but that's another topic. therefore i recommend a drink or 2. i know it sounds silly. but it'll maybe help you relax so you don't get the urge to make her stop doing what she apparently doesn't want to stop. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 These two sentences contradict each other. If you've agreed to disagree, then you really aren't in a position to get angry at her. Furthermore, if you do get angry right then, it will likely ruin it for everyone else, because that's totally awkward and uncomfortable when a couple fights. Not to mention you'll be arguing with a person who's high... Why not just act normal and if it upsets you, deal with it the next day when you're both sober? this pretty much sums it all up. perfect advice. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Best bet is to not get yourself drunk, or even the best advice posted here goes straight out the window. You can't control your own behavior if you drink yourself into idiocy--and you don't want to wake up next day wondering how bad of a mess you've made. Nobody ever knows that I'm not drinking when I do seltzer with lemon. Looks like a vodka but keeps me sane enough to navigate tricky social stuff. Save the drinking for nights when you're not trying to make (and keep) a decent impression. Lastly, no policing the GF--that is, if you want to keep her. Nothing breaks up young couples faster than one partner playing parent. In your corner. Link to comment
LiquidFlames Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 thanks for all the responses, every one was really helpful, i think i will be okay with it, in regards to her actual use of it, its never a problem for her, she dusnt need it and it dusnt affect our relationship in her behaviour, she does it every once in a while if her friends have it that's all. and its true we agree to disagree which is why her doing it is okay with me because i trust her in that she trusts herself, but at the same time she knows i don't like to be around it and she has never done it in front of me because of our differences obviously. kind of like: 'you can smoke but as long as its not around me' sorta thing. so its likely she could just not do it, but if she does i will stay cool, probably mildly tipsy, and will at least get to see what she's like when she's high which maybe could be a learning experience for me. other than that if any issues do arise i will talk to her the next day as someone suggested - when we are both in a sober mind. thanks for all the advice guys, its been really helpful, thanks. Link to comment
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