Very depressed need advice

[kerry123]

Have been seeing a guy for around 4 months and have been very depressed for the last few weeks for various reasons and have ended up pushing him away by acting very needy and insecure. He has ended up finishing with me a couple of nights ago because he got really angry with me and said he could not cope with my behaviour. The following morning we agreed to have a break instead and i asked him if we could break for about a month while i sorted myself out.He says he still loves me but my behaviour just pushes him away. Later that day he sent me a text saying "I hope ure ok.x."

 

I sent him a text today explaining that i had been very depressed over the last few weeks and so that is why i had behaving in that way and that it had nothing to do with him or our relationship. He didn't reply so i stupidly phoned him, hassling him again! and he had been playing football and had just got back in the clubhouse which i knew was correct because i could hear the noise in the background. I asked him again if after our break there was any chance we would get back together and he said there was and we would sort something out and i asked him if he wanted to finish it just to tell me now because i would rather just know now and i wanted him to be honest with me but he said he had no thoughts in that way at all. The thing that's bothering me is that lately he always tries to get me off the phone really quickly, like he was today it felt he was trying to get me off the phone. i know he was in the clubhouse but it's not just today, it seems like every time i speak to him recently he tries to get me off quickly. Altho he has said to me recently that he just gets pissed off when we are constantly going over the same things over and over again One thing i have learnt is that i don't think he can handle it when i get a bit emotional on the phone so that could be it. Whenthings were going better with us he seemed to stay on the phone longer. the thing that's bothering me is this gettiing me off the phone quickly. Altho he has said in the past he will always be honest with me, it jsut bothers me that he seems to want get me off the phone recently. Do u think i am just being paranoid?

[kerry123]

I just talked to him on im and this was the conversation

 

kerry says:

\hi sorry for disturbing u in the clubhouse

david sent 10/01/2009 17:53:

no its fine

kerry says:

did u win by the way

david says:

nice to here from u ,glad ure ok

david says:

6 .nil yes

kerry says:

brill did u score

david says:

i played left back today

kerry says:

ok

david says:

defence

david says:

was so cold

kerry says:

yes i'm sure

kerry says:

i just felt bad because i could tell u couldn't really talk to me

kerry says:

with all ur mates about and that

david says:

thats right i was at the bar with all the players

david says:

could not rearlly talk

kerry says:

yep that's cool

david says:

it was abig game top of the table class,and we won 6,o so everybody was bubbling

kerry says:

cool i'm happy foryou

david says:

its not that big adeal,but just nice to win

kerry says:

yes of course

david says:

you ok

david says:

what u doing tonight

kerry says:

yes i'm ok

kerry says:

i have some cet to do here on the computer, not urgent but katie is out so been doing that

kerry says:

i was wondering how u thought we should do this break cos i do feel i need it but i don't want to lose touch with u completely but if u feel we should just have no contact and that would be better i can do that

david sent 10/01/2009 18:04:

look its nice to here from u ,but i just want u to sort u re self out,be ure old self

david sent 10/01/2009 18:05:

then we cantake it from theirr

kerry says:

ok i understand

kerry says:

so its best if we have no contact?

kerry says:

till i sort myself out, i don't have a problem if u would prefer that

david says:

thats up to u i have no problem talking to u

kerry says:

i know this is hard for u too

kerry says:

ok

kerry says:

i have had such a lot of bad stuff going on over the last few months i just think it's brought me right down

kerry says:

but i got to feel like this about 9 or 10 years ago and sorted it out so i know i will be back to normal

david says:

ok i understand

david says:

anyway i need to make some food for me and sally

kerrysays:

ok

kerry says:

hope u have a good evening x

david says:

and u babe xx,i am thinking about u

kerry says:

thank u x

kerry says:

bye david says:

bye xx

 

 

So that was the conversation

 

Do u think he genuinely would like us to try again when i am over this depression? I do know i pushed him very hard and he got very pissed off with me over the last few weeks. Or is he just letting me down gently??

[skittlesfae]

Do u think he genuinely would like us to try again when i am over this depression? I do know i pushed him very hard and he got very pissed off with me over the last few weeks. Or is he just letting me down gently??

I think he really would want to try again... Because he knows you're not acting yourself right now. And he did put it up to you whether to discontinue talking or not. He probably would have said 'its best we didn't talk til you get yourself sorted' if he were just leting you down. That's my opinion at least.

Not sure if I got this or not, but was the break your idea or his initially?

[kerry123]

what happened a couple of nights ago was that he got so cross with me because i kept texting/ phoning for reassurance late at night and he was really tired and knew he was going to have a stressful day at work the next day and it was like 1.30 in the morning and he wanted to just go to sleep so eventually after just asking me to stop texting (more than once) that he needed to sleep and i just carried on texting then he texted me that he'd had enough and it was over between us. The next day i contacted him and asked if we could have a break for a month so i could get myself sorted out and he agreed. He indicated/said that if i got myself sorted out he would want to get back together.

[volpe]

hey kerry- try not to focus on him, focus on yourself right now. that's what the month is for. try to regain your dignity and independence. go exercise, eat healthy, hang out with friends, try to just be independent. he will want to be with the person he started dating if you can be that person again. but it has to be really you, not an actress. so counseling may also be good for you too.

[kerry123]

thank u for ur replies, everyone is very kind to do so. I have had an "online" counselling session with a psychiatrist about my insecurities and plan to have another with him, i think it will be a small step to helping me. I do need to work on myself and i realise it won't happen overnight. But i am feeling a little calmer

[Batya33]

I don't think texting about those kinds of issues is a good idea. I would wait until he is interested in seeing you in person and then discuss it if you need to at that time.

[rbr85]

First of all, it's okay for you to feel the way that you do. But you must understand if you are depressed and you are displacing your anger on your boyfriend he WILL react and you will not like it. If you truly respect him, you will not make him your punching bag. If you are angry with him, express it assertively. But it sounds like because you are depressed you are becoming extremely needy, and in doing so you are expecting him to make up for that need. What I suggest instead is find out what need of yours is not being met and take steps to meet that need YOURSELF. Your boyfriend is not responsible for your feelings, only you are. Everything you are telling us on the internet, tell him in person. Say it, uncensored. Just tell him what you feel, and don't use your boyfriend as a distraction from dealing with your own personal issues.