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Help! What to do? On mini getaway with the GF and found out she's still sleeping with other people.

Saldelmundo

By Saldelmundo
in Infidelity

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Saldelmundo Newbie

Saldelmundo

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please don't scold me right now, you can do that later, right now I just need to know what to do. There is some more back story about how this relationship came to be that I will share later but the short version is this:

 

My "Girlfriend"... someone I used to date seriously about a year ago, recently we got back in touch, hooked up on Dec 27th, it was great, and then on Jan the 2nd we decided to try this bf/gf thing again with no games, and no screwing around, we had a great conversation about it and some passionate lovemaking afterward.

 

I hadn't seen her since Monday morning, but this weekend we were set to go away for the weekend. Last night we had a really hard time getting going because she was busy working late, wasn't ready, etc, finally got here around 1am...

 

we talked a bit about the stressful situation at her work, and how I would probably just crash at her place Sunday night when we got back to town, and drive to work from there in the morning... she said "maybe"... I raised my eyebrows and said "maybe?" and she talked about about how she needs her alone time too. I shrugged it off. She wanted to watch a movie in bed, so we did and she passed out quickly.

 

I was horny and kind tried to wake her up to play but she shut me down, I lied there for a while but couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs in the cabin to get some water... Next is where I did something I'm not proud of, but now I'm glad I did.

 

I opened her phone to glance at some recent text messages (yeah, I know)... At 4pm friday afternoon (yesterday about 2 hours before I was supposed to pick her up) she got one from Brian, a guy she was seeing before I came back around, it said "Hey, what's up? wanna do it l8r?"... at 4:07 her reply was "would LOVE to, but I'm going snowboarding this weekend, do me when I get back sunday? "

 

There were some others from earlier in the week, tuesday and weds from 2 other guys, "miss me?" and "miss kissing you", as well as lots from me. She made plans to meet one for an early dinner on weds, But that first one was the only blatant one, that had such a stomach churning reply from her.

 

So now, it's almost 9 in the morning, I didn't sleep a wink all night, I'm downstairs still shaking and she's upstairs sleeping. The plan was go go snowboarding half the day (I would be teaching her the whole time) today, she would do some work from here tonight, we'd stay the night tonight, probably hit the slopes tomorrow morning, and thenwe had to leave ealry enough sunday so she could get to her "meeting" at 6pm.

 

So when she gets up what do I do? How do I broach the subject? I can't be silent and still spend the day with her like I had planned. Do I just start packing the * * * * up and say we're going home? We are in her car, and it's about a 2.5 hour drive. I'm at a loss.

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Saldelmundo Newbie

Saldelmundo

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Is there any way you can leave without using her car?

 

Unfortunately this is my boss's cabin. I need to clean the sheets, turn off the water, lock everything up and take the key, I would not trust her with this place.

 

I really don't see a practical way to get home from here without her car anyway, we are in the mountains at a ski resort. My car is at her house.

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skittlesfae Apprentice

skittlesfae

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If you work in an office or something where things might 'come up' then try the "Hey hon, we gotta cut the weekend short, some stuff just came up at the office, and they really need me... Sorry." Then when you get home, talk to her about it. Tell her what you found, and if she gets al 'Well you shouldn't have been in my phone in the first place" then ignore it, because she's just trying to turn the attention to you and what you did wrong, 'never mind the fact that she was cheating' type thing. (I could almost gaurantee she'll say it too..) Just don't broach the subject while you're there.......... It could only end horribly with her pissed off and emotional, driving down snowy roads, and you either stranded wtih no way home or stuck in a car with a pissy woman that's gonna drive like a maniac....

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Saldelmundo Newbie

Saldelmundo

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Well then, tell her that you need to go back, don't spend the rest of the day. Clean up, drive back, give her the note as you exit her car and peace out.

 

How do I tell her that we're not staying without bringing up the subject? Plus the fact that everytime she tried touching me in bed last night while I lied awake trying to sleep, I pushed her away... I'm not going to be able to kiss her or touch her or anything when she comes down this morning... the thought makes me physically sick.

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Saldelmundo Newbie

Saldelmundo

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Just say there is an emergency back at home and that its important you leave right away. Tell her that you got some bad news about your mom or dad and you have fly out right away. If she says what it. Just say that they need to see me immediately. Rush her along so she is in a daze. Then when you get back. Just smile at her and say "actually I did this for you, honey. Your friend called and wanted to * * * * you, you cheating * * * * . Now get the hell away from me you lying piece of * * * * ." Works every time. This way you can pull it on her at anytime during the day.

 

What's funny, is that one time before we got back together, I sent a playful text about "getting a room together for the night" and she got all bent out of shape, we actually talked about it when we did get together, and she said how she was hurt that I would think of her like that, just a sex object... and then for this guy to say "hey, wanna do it l8r" and to get a positive response... I have no idea who this woman is anymore.

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itsallgrand Grand Master

itsallgrand

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Yeah, y'know, I'd just lie and say there is an emergency where you have to get home ASAP.

 

Better to get out of there safely and calmly and then deal with this once you are home.

 

Or, maybe you could get a friend to come take you home? It doesn't solve the problem of having to get out of there, but at least you wouldn't have that car ride to endure. ?

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Pappers Enthusiast

Pappers

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I think there are two directions you can go here. Since you recently are seeing each other again, this is something that could easily happen (her seeing other people), and it is sad for you this is true. I think right now she is simply dating multiple men at once. Not sure why, but she is ok with this... at least for now. Usually a point comes when she needs to decide when to stop seeing one guy for the other. And that usually comes when someone wants to take things seriously, and lets her know.

 

So, you can either ask her today to become exclusive - to not see other people, and really give your relationship a new shot.

 

Or, you can say you suspect she is involved with another man and that you do not want to be with her anymore.

 

Either way, it might be worthwhile to say that you do not want to play games, you deserve uptmost respect and that you want to be a) exclusive b) not involved.

 

Try to have a good weekend??? Don't let it bother you too much....

And certainly it was NOT cool with that 'do me' text (scheduling that other guy in after your break), but sometimes this happens if you are enjoying dating multiple guys at once. So don't hold it against her yet unless you are exclusive.

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Beoslasher Collaborator

Beoslasher

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First, and foremost, I wanna say, sorry that your girl cheated on ya =/. Secondly, I think you should use the excuses provided, (the office), family emergency ect. As you seem like a decent person, so of course she won't think your the deceiving type. Then I would follow up with the note, or the verbal bashing, but i'd go with the verbal bashing because shes gotta learn that there are repercussions to her actions, other than stds, and pregnancy Good Luck!

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abouttime Newbie

abouttime

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He needs to get down the mountain. How do you expect him to get her to go without him lying? What do you want him to say to her? I'm sorry i went through your text messages and found out you were going to betray me (based on her text back that he could "do her later") I find this unacceptable and will not entertain seeing you further.

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Maya_A Rookie

Maya_A

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Just tell her that you received an important and very upsetting text message and have to leave immediately. Tell her someone close to you has done something really bad but you can't talk about it right now.

 

I would take DN's advice. It's all true - she just doesn't know yet, that you are talking about her....

 

And as another said, you don't want to bring it up miles away from home with a long drive ahead...

 

I'd end the weekend as per above & then end the relationship upon return...

 

"Do me when I get back"??? What is that? The fact that someone could be as nonchalant/casual as to say that alone, & while in a relationship to boot of course, says a lot....

 

You say "I don't know who this woman is anymore"... Maybe you are finding out the truth in that it is not someone you want to have in your life....

 

Sorry about the situation....

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sombersun Rookie

sombersun

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Take the high road!

Tell her you went with your gut feeling and decided to snoop her phone and don't discuss it with her. Just say you are packing up and both of you need to leave and this will be the last time.

Don't be a sucker. There is nothing here to do or say other than good bye.

Shock her with your calmness.

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skittlesfae Apprentice

skittlesfae

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He needs to get down the mountain. How do you expect him to get her to go without him lying? What do you want him to say to her? I'm sorry i went through your text messages and found out you were going to betray me (based on her text back that he could "do her later") I find this unacceptable and will not entertain seeing you further.

If that was in response to me, I'm not saying to not stretch the truth or even lie to get back to her house where his car is... Just that once he gets there, not to try to 'burn' her, but rather just broach the subject bluntly if need be, or whatever.

If not, then I really must be egotistical.

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doyathink Mentor

doyathink

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Just tell her that you received an important and very upsetting text message and have to leave immediately. Tell her someone close to you has done something really bad but you can't talk about it right now.

 

Honestly...I would do this. It's not a lie, and you'll get the same results. I don't even know if I would confront her about it when I got home...I'd probably just dump her, and leave her to worry about why.

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KG Mentor

KG

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Honestly...I would do this. It's not a lie, and you'll get the same results. I don't even know if I would confront her about it when I got home...I'd probably just dump her, and leave her to worry about why.

 

Agreed wholeheartily! Get home safe forst...that's your priority.

How you deal with her later matters nil, your safety comes first!

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BeStrongBeHappy Experienced

BeStrongBeHappy

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You can always tell her you're feeling ill and need to rest or sleep in the back of the car. Tell her you don't feel well enough to talk a lot and just need to sleep... let her drive, and you can just lay low in the back seat til you get home.

 

Then once you're home, you can tell her it is over because you know she is meeting some other guy Sunday night... you don't have to tell her how you know, just that you know and it's over.

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