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New to LDRs and need advice.


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Here's the background:

 

 

 

Brief summary:

 

Met a girl on NYE. Really like her - smart, pretty, sweet, alot of things I'm looking for. When on break from school, she's with family about an hour from me. School she goes to is 7 hours away. When I met her, she only had a week left before having to return to school. We really hit it off on NYE. Went out 3 more times before she left for school - had great times on those dates. Before she left, we had a very emotional conversation where she told me she didn't want things to just end. I told her I really liked her, we would work on the distance, she was happy, cried, etc.

 

So, she just went back to school. Have been toying with the idea of going to see her in February. She calls me up last night and tells me she would like to see me next weekend. She said she thought it would be ideal, because we both have an extra day because of MLK. She said she was thinking of coming down or wanted me to come up. The drive is 7 hours. If I do it, I would likely drive up, because she just made the trip up to get back to school.

 

The Problem:

 

The reality is that I've only known this girl since end of December and we've only gone on a few dates, so part of me is thinking making a 400 mi trip for someone I don't really know might be putting myself out there too soon. I could always tell her let's wait a while, and I could go on February. This would give me some time to see if her interest level stays consistent.

 

On the other hand, we really like each other and get along well. I want to see her, and she wants to see me. Maybe, I have nothing to worry about. Maybe, this trip will be a positive investment and will show her that I'm truly interested in her.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Looking for opinions from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

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For me what helped my LDR work was that we saw each other about every 11 days and both really enjoyed talking on the phone. Also we were able to afford to see each other that often - that was a factor too since I can imagine otherwise there would be that added strain. Finally, we knew each other for many years before we were in the LDR, were serious from the start and knew that our ultimate goal was marriage/a future. Otherwise I would never have done the LDR. (I did one for a year in college - but that was pretty typical back then, if your high school boyfriend went to a different college). We actually are temporarily LDR now even though we're married but we will be living in the same city in about 6 weeks.

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I travelled 5,000 miles to meet someone I'd never met in person in my life. Now I am engaged to be married.

 

I don't think many people know how that is. I'll be seeing her in 5 months.

 

 

So frankly my point is... 400 miles... is really not very far at all

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That's wonderful but I don't know how that helps the typical situation where two people decide to get to know each other over a period of months - or longer very often - before deciding to be committed (engaged, married). People get engaged all the time after a few weeks - we all hear those stories - and of course that can work out beautifully, but I don't know that answers the question of how to develop a relationship over time when you cannot see the person on a consistent basis.

 

Congratulations again!

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The first time my girlfriend and I actually met (obviously we werent in a relationship then) she travelled 4000 miles just to see me - just so we could spene some real time together to see if what we were both feeling was real. It was.

 

I wish I only had to travel 400 miles to see her.

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I guess the question is how much of a difference will it make to wait until February? It's all about how you feel. This is kind of a tough call for anyone else to really advise you on, IMO. Because on the one hand, I personally don't think it's a huge deal to visit for the weekend this weekend. But you might not feel ready. I would go with your gut.

 

As I am writing this, I just now realized you've probably already made up your mind seeing as it is Friday.

 

Guess I should be asking you: so what did you decide?

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since you are at the very beginning of your relationship i would suggest to spend as much time together as possible. while i believe that it can work (like some of the other posters here demonstrate) that you can start a relationship with hardly any face time, it is not the norm. the more time you have together the easier it is to learn how to communicate and how to cope with the distance

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Well, that distance is not long at all, but let me tell you something. Long distance relationships are very difficult to keep going. I should know, as I have been in one myself for about a year. They are not impossible, but it takes two people who are DEDICATED to make the relationship work. And the ultimate goal of the relationship should be that both will work together to keep the relationship going when they are apart.

 

You do not have to have initially alot of face time together, as we did not, but you have to constantly have the idea that there is no one out there who would make you happier than that person. I know that one sounds crazy, but you both have to feel that way.

 

But, little initial face time = very little time to bond. It can be built over time by talking daily or every other day on the phone, sending notes, cards etc. Both also have to have the idea that one or the other will have to move to be with the other person. My situation, is abit different that way, as my boyfriend works away and comes home for 1 week a month. That week, we spend all of our time together and then the next few weeks, we either talk by phone or chat on msn or email. We always strive for daily contact, and if I dont get in contact with him for a day, he is wondering what is up.

 

What i am saying is that you will have to work very hard to make this type of relationship work. It is not for the faint hearted. So, getting to your question, if you are interested, take the chance. It is only 7 hours and if you did not go, you would always wonder..what if? If you like her, you could always schedule every other weekend trips to see each other, or maybe every three weeks. Anyhow, take the chance...nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!

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