Moving out to force change and break the rut?

[dr_styles]

Incase people only stick to certain sub-sections, the origin of me getting into a rut has been (the non-existence of) relationships, even regular social stuff - to quote a recent post: "I'm X years old and have never Y'd.". In just seeing how my life is, I've gone into a bit of downer in not really being able to find myself (and this is even without thinking about relationships; I just mean me being happy with myself).

 

Anyway anyway, so I'm 24, and still living at home. Now I know plenty of people still do and are fine with it, but I almost feel like I need a change of environment, and getting rid of that subtle pressure of having the parents around; they aren't especially bad but they've never been one to promote "going out" either which is kinda showing in me now ...

Plus just like relationship woes there is that stigma about still living at home (even if you do almost everything by yourself) at my age.

 

Problem is that moving out is obviously not easy, especially being first time and not much money with pretty low pay. It just doesn't make financial sense, and perhaps not even common sense to pile on more stress whilst I'm in this rut.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, for the people who moved out, how much did it change you? Worth it? Anyone move out whilst feeling down have any experiences to share? Funny thing (ok not really funny) is that I have kinda lived alone for a short time during a College thing, and it did change me, I think.

[Sn0man]

I moved out of the house when I was 16 - probably too young to realize what I was doing, and the reponsibilities I wa taking on. But in all honesty, it was the best thing I ever could have done. It gives you freedom. Not in the traditional sense, but in the way that you give yourself the space from your everyday influences to let yourself grow into your own person.

 

When you rely on others (your parents, for example), you never have the opportunity to experience true difficulty, which, in my opinion, is the ultimate characher builder. A sheltered life only hinders you. You have to experience true hardship in order to appreciate true individuality.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Moving out moves you into the next life stage, which is spending more time with friends than family, and looking for someone who will eventually be your wife and start a new family of your own.

 

The other problem is that living at home buffers you from certain realities that you'll eventually have to deal with anyway. For example, you say your low paying job doesn't make enough to live well. One solution is living at home, but in the long term, that is not good for you, becuase you have no motivation to train for a better paying more interesting career that can afford your own home. So you are sitting at home enjoying the fruits of your parent's labor, not your own.

 

Moving out into a nasty little apt. might give you the motivation and kickstart you need to pursue a career where you can afford better housing and lifestyle.

 

In my mind, living at home when you're an adult, unless it has a specific goal to earn X dollars in order to meet some other goal, is just staying a child and not accepting all of life's responsbilities and challenges. You're basically hiding out and treading water, avoiding moving on to the next life stage, and not moving forward with your life.

 

Moving out is motivational in so many ways, and staying at home is demotivational, because your basic needs are being met, but you're not growing and progressing.

[ActNow]

Pretty much what Sn0man said.

 

Living away at college gives you a taste of what it's like to be independent, but in reality, you probably weren't really independent- just not living with your parents. Like Sno0man said, living (sometimes this means struggling) on your own, being fully accountable for your own finances and day-to-day tasks, changes you as a person.

 

I was very much like you not too long ago. I was a very sheltered individual growing up, and it wasn't until 25 or so that I moved out of my parents' house. So coming from that background, and knowing what I know now, I honestly think it is one the absolute worst things parents can do to over-nurture their kids- in many case (not all, but in many), I really think it's just setting up kids for failure. In my case, it instilled irresponsibility and laziness through complacency- i.e., it killed any sense of motivation I might have had to better myself. It wasn't until I moved out that I finally got my life in order.

 

For a more concrete example, let me give you this comparison. My gf is a few years younger than I am, but her upbringing was much different. She was not an only child (like me) so her parents didn't cling to her, and instead instilled independence into her probably starting in her mid-teens (they obviously built the foundations much earlier though). Even with the new and improved me that's been several years in the making, she still makes better decisions than I do when it comes to adult matters- finances, social priorities, etc.

 

Now having said all that, despite how important it is to live on your own (especially at around your age), I think it's also very important to consider whether you can financially afford it at this point. Obviously the economy is terrible, and the last thing you want to do is to move out now and then have to move back in six months from now because you lost your job and can't find a new one. That'd be very counterproductive and would probably only make you feel worse. Depending on your finances, maybe a good option would be to set a move-out date of maybe a year or two, and save for that occasion. Build a little "moving out golden parachute". That way you're not just procrastinating with excuses of "oh, it's not the right time", but at the same time, you're not completely ignoring the monetary aspect of things. Living on your own for the first time, you're probably going to struggle to make ends meet from time to time, but that doesn't mean you should set yourself up for it.

[Sn0man]

I think the best thing for you would be to move out and find out for yourself just how hard life is.

 

Actnow has some very good points, but if you want to be truly independent, then you need to take risks. The biggest risk you can take now is to take responsibility for yourself.

 

Things will be hard. Money will be tight. You will live with an empty refrigerator. You will scrounge for loose change. You will be broke, dirty and hungry.

 

But from this experience you will learn a respect for life that you have never known. In facing what the world is really like, feeling the coldness and hardship, you will understand what it meanns to be able to put a cob of corn on the dinnerplate (if you can afford dinnerplates). It's actually quite enlightening.

 

When I have kids, someday long from now, I will be certain that they move out of the house by age 17, because I will want them to learn at a young age what it means to struggle. It builds strength. Character. I will probably catch a bit of flack for saying that, but I really think thats the best way to teach individualism ... to be forced to fend for ones self.

 

It is in mans darkest hour that he finds light. A euphemism, for sure, but a darn good one as far as i'm concerned.

[dr_styles]

Kinda strange this but the fact I am still at home seems to be promoting the urge to move. You could say the rut I'm is all about "social/growing up" where in my mind I'm out to "catch up" with everyone else. Being at home definitely isn't dropping my ambition to succeed in my career (I've only been working full time about a year). Socially I would say it has though. My parents have never been ones to promote going out with friends and stuff, and they are overly protective (and nagging and get angry) when you try. And eventually, the friends just fade off as usual with time and movement. Even now when I'm a lot older and I know that they (ultimately) can't/won't stop me, there's still this small barrier you have to cross with them. And they'll still insist on stuff like getting picked up from parties or whatever which scream moma's boy. I appreciate their concern but come on, it seems the only way to grow up in their eyes to move out - which strangely enough they oppose!

 

During the short "college" stay I was actually living with 2 other mates in a house rent-sharing, but yes still not everything was covered by us, or at least me.

 

Whoops sorry that led to another bit of a rant. At the moment it'd probably be at least next year till I move out. Been saving heaps ever since starting work too so it's building there.

 

Ultimately I'm trying to be more outgoing, reduce my social anxiety and well, getting a social life (and yes hopefully taste of relationships). I know very well you can do this without moving out, but I can't seem to get started and it feels like I need some big change to get things moving. On the other hand, there's a chance, a big chance I suppose, that I'll move out but I don't get anywhere. (sure I'll want to move out eventually regardless but if I have a bit of time to wait for better times, better pay, etc.)

 

Thanks to everyone for their contributions so far

[COtuner]

I'm with Sn0Man.

 

Moving out and struggling to build a life was hard as hell (and I left during a recession too) but it taught me to be able to find work, to pay bills, to figure out what I valued the most, and to go after my goals (once I figured out how to set them). I screwed up financially a couple times, I had to suck it up and learn to deal with the consequences of my actions, but it turned me into a stronger person.

 

I think in my case it helped that I moved out of town, but that may not be a good idea for anyone else.

 

Socially, it actually hurt me for a while, to be honest. I had more respect from people because I was on my own, but I had no time to BE social because I was trying to earn money.

[dr_styles]

How about "moving out" vs "living alone"? Similar to parental pressures, there was also some pressure with our share house as well. I mean nowhere near as much, but eating out is a good example. It's easier to share meals if cooking at home (cost and time wise) so if you felt like eating out one night, whether it's particular food or eNA thinking you feel like putting yourself out there for a tiny while, there's the same pressure of wanting to not rock the boat, etc. so you don't go.

 

Living alone it really is all up to you.

 

But yeah isn't it a failed thing if you end being no more, or less social?

[uncensored85]

You're post completely reminded me of myself at that stage in my life. I was 22, living at home in a 'not-so-stable' environment. Worked at a job I hated because of the stability, and was definitely STUCK in a rut.

 

I made the leap to move out in the summer, and have never looked back. Yes, it comes with its own challenges, but these should be embraced rather than feared. I quit that job 2 months later, something that I never had the guts to do living at home in fear of being told what a bad decision it was from my parents. I now have an even better job, and feel like I've grown so much as a person. I can't remember who the old me was, in a sense.

 

I say make the plunge.... it will change your life, your priorities, and will force you to strive and be ambitious. The first month or two can be hard, but once you get accustomed to it, you'll never go back. Best of luck to you!

[uncensored85]

I should add, I moved out in the summer of '07... not this past one. Over a year and a half later, it was the best decision I ever made. Not only will you be proud of yourself, holding your head high in independence, but your relationship with your family will become much stronger. They'll see you as an adult, and though they may not say it, will be VERY proud!