jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I checked my mail about an hour ago and there it was... a card from him. I told him a week ago to not contact me, that I couldn't do the whole friend thing. It's just too hard and I need to move on or at least take a step in that direction. It was postmarked the 7th so I know it wasn't lost in the mail or some other crap. I can't stop crying. I miss him so much. Why did he have to do this? He wrote a message in it that he KNOWS I would find funny, the kind of thing we always joked about and all that. He signed it "Love, John". Ugh... I don't know what to do. I told my mom and she said, "I think it was really sweet of him. You would've been more hurt if he wouldn't have remembered" but I don't know if that's the case. I just want to be left alone. He keeps jerking me around so much. I'm already really bummed out about my birthday as I'll likely be spending it alone. Why this? Link to comment
hers Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I sort of agree with your mom. I think you would've been hurt too. Of course we want to be left alone when it hurts, but we also want to be remembered on special days. Emotions don't let us win. I say don't write him to let him know you got the card. Be strong. Hugs to you. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Please, be happy at least you talk and her wrote you and says he loves you... My birthday was crossed out in my ex's daytimer, I saw it months ealier. Of course she never called. the holidays came and went with just a one sentence lie about being alone. So enjoy your birthday, Happy 21st, life will get better and easier and you will have lots of love! Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I agree with mum too... wouldn't it have been worse if he did nothing? not sure the sort of person he is, but I always write letters emails to my friends, love from shikashika xoxo so you can't really just change from doing love froms to 'cheers pal-buddy' Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I don't know...maybe... an e-mail would have been ideal, I think... or a text. But this... his handwriting, it just feels so personal. I keep staring at it, looking at every letter. Not over-analyzing the content or anything like that, just looking at the way it was written... lame. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 ILMBC, I agree with your mom, I do think you would have been more hurt if he didn't care enough to send you a card. It does show that he still cares. I would love to be in your shoes in a lot of ways. There are days, even though I am busy and am making friends and getting involved in life, that I would love to hear from a certain person and it saddens me. Even though we had a falling out at the end with him being cruel to me, if I got a card or a call from him, it would bring great joy to me. Happy B-day and good luck. Do you plan to respond to him? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 It is cool that he sent you a card. Shows you that you are a still a part of him. The worst thing in life is indifference, and thank god you don't have that. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 ILMBC, I agree with your mom, I do think you would have been more hurt if he didn't care enough to send you a card. It does show that he still cares. I would love to be in your shoes in a lot of ways. There are days, even though I am busy and am making friends and getting involved in life, that I would love to hear from a certain person and it saddens me. Even though we had a falling out at the end with him being cruel to me, if I got a card or a call from him, it would bring great joy to me. Happy B-day and good luck. Do you plan to respond to him? I don't think I'm going to respond, no... part of me feels bad because he did make the effort but he's just been so selfish and maybe it's my turn to be a little selfish for once. UGHHHH. I guess it's just hard since I was so down already and now here's one more thing on top of it. Link to comment
greywolf Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Can we all put our self-pity aside and stop telling the OP how much we'd love to hear from our exes? Honestly, I don't think it's helping her. I'm sorry you're so down Jen. Feel better. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Can we all put our self-pity aside and stop telling the OP how much we'd love to hear from our exes? Honestly, I don't think it's helping her. I'm sorry you're so down Jen. Feel better. hahaha that kind of made me laugh, thanks. who am i kidding, this thread is a gigantic pity party. Link to comment
DN Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I doubt you feel like looking at it from his point of view but he really was in a no win situation. He could (and was) wrong no matter what he did. So perhaps he decided that if he couldn't be right he may as well be wrong by trying to be kind - or at least civil. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I doubt you feel like looking at it from his point of view but he really was in a no win situation. He could (and was) wrong no matter what he did. So perhaps he decided that if he couldn't be right he may as well be wrong by trying to be kind - or at least civil. Yeah, that's true... the guy really couldn't win either way. He shouldn't be expected to read my mind and know to just send an e-mail...or not...I don't even know what I want so how should he. Link to comment
DN Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 So - assume he took the high road and you can do the same thing. I know it hurts - but it isn't the card or the gesture that hurts. It's the break-up. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 I'm not planning on doing anything catty, deep down I appreciate the gesture. And no, it's not the card--it most definitely is the break-up. I don't know what was so different about this relationship than the ones I've had in the past. I've been in love before, I've been in long-term relationships... but none have EVER hit me this hard. I guess it's just what potential was there and the unknown of what will now never be. I can't decide if I should say anything to him, thanking him. Maybe he'll see this thread. ha. Let it do my dirty work for me. Link to comment
DN Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I would send a brief but friendly note of thanks. Always best to be civil when in doubt about stuff like this. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 i can see where ur comng from ILMBC. and im not just saying it b/c it's ur b'day. who knows if "john" did it with good intentions and to be sweet.. (too late for that John!) but if he has no intentions of being serious with u, or being able to give u what u want from him, if he'd not contact you and respect your wishes would be best. it just makes u miss him more from what i see, while he seems ay ok. not cool. i used to wish and hope my ex would contact me. the guy i dated really briefly. he didnt. i was ... err... luckily ok. but if he'd contacted me and messed with my emotions by appearing in the picture, not only would i have been left with "what if's" but he may have also ruined what i was beginning to feel for the new guy. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 it's been such a long, weird road with him... i have no idea what i'm doing or how i'm going to get there once I figure it out... The "what ifs" are what's killing me, for sure. I started to envision my life with him.. started looking at schools out there and even jobs.. and then to have it all taken away...it left me so empty. I think his intentions were good but I just can't help but wish he hadn't bothered. ](*,) ugggh.. i keep jumping back and forth between "it was sweet", "you ass", and *cry*. Thank god I'm not on my period too. Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 My ex, an infamous text msg communicator, sent me Happy Bday msg via AIM. Almost broke up over me via text. Trust me on this, what your ex did to you is a gift. What my ex gave to me was poison. Link to comment
nurse1986 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Do you have money for a day at the spa?? U can always spend your b-day there...Man, what I would give for a glass of wine, surrounded by candles and a masseuse...ahhhh...total relaxation right there. Link to comment
nurse1986 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I think talking about him will make you more tense....Do u really want to be talking about him when you are trying to forget em? Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Do you have money for a day at the spa?? U can always spend your b-day there...Man, what I would give for a glass of wine, surrounded by candles and a masseuse...ahhhh...total relaxation right there. ugh, I WISH... that's the whole reason I'm spending my birthday alone! I was supposed to celebrate with a good friend whose birthday also happens to be today but I'm too poor. Next week I'm going to Chicago with him though so we'll make up for it. Link to comment
nurse1986 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yeah....I noticed that ur from MI....Has the big storm hit u too? Link to comment
jengh Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Driving back from school today it was a white-out, but it's calmed down since. I hate winter with a passion. Link to comment
nurse1986 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Winter stinks....Closings are always fun tho.. Link to comment
dstein Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Oy. I just went through this yesterday! Everyone said the same thing to me, that I would have been more hurt if he hadn't contacted me. I'm not completely sure that it true! It ripped the scab off from 2 1/2 weeks of NC. OK, yes, it made me feel better in the MOMENT, sort of, but it confused the crap out of me and today was brutal...the backlash. I'm sorry. I am just feeling your pain right now. You aren't alone. ((((hug)))) Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.