Pappers Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Ex and I had an argument tonight... for awhile we've talked every now and then, and have always gotten along. This time though he and I were bickering about our respective new relationships. He doesn't like the guy I'm with and I have a problem with his new gf. I was questioning her motives with him and thought he could do better (she is married). And then out of the blue he said that " her p*ssy is better looking than yours " I didn't know what to say - shocked - and now I am really hurt. Even though he was probably trying to be mean, but still. Some things you just never say! When I was younger I wasn't pleased with how I looked, and now I really like myself... but after hearing this it has made me kind of insecure!! I mean, this is on the same level of telling your ex boyfriend that your new man has a bigger and thicker penis! How would he like to hear that??? I was sooooooo tempted.... (it is true, but I still held back). Has anyone had an ex say something like this? Something that hits at an insecurity you may have? How to move on? Realize this was in the heat of the moment? Link to comment
ponyboy Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 What he said is his opinion lol. Doesnt make it true. Link to comment
jcoven02 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yeah, an irrational one IMO. There is no such thing as a "good-looking p*ssy". It all looks like roast beef from Arby's. At any rate it's not exactly how it looks that matters. I really wouldn't take it personally. What he said is stupid and petty but people sometimes say stupid and petty things when they're hurt -- not for any reason but to make you hurt, too. Recently my ex said something sufficiently stupid and offensive for me to end what friendship we had. (Actually I forgave her for what she said, but it made me realize I genuinely disliked her and didn't want to be her friend, anyway). Perhaps this will result in a similar epiphany for you. Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 any guy who uses that "p" with me would be dismissed... that's just disgusting. take yourself out of the picture and look at the real man that he is... well he's not a man... cause real men don't use that word.... well maybe in bars, but certainly not when talking to their women. yuck... he sounds like a jerk who you should be glad to get rid of!!! Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 He really had to say sth sharp to shut you up: you were saying the truth (don't know the story but given she's married he may be having the same thoughts about her as you). He will explain and apologise soon. Link to comment
Sn0man Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Well you know it was a heat of the moment thing. You said so yourself. Don't let it bother you, people say some pretty nasty things when they're hurting. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yeah, I've been in a similar situation. I actually had a GIRLFRIEND tell me her exes penis was bigger than mine. I had another ex tell me she only broke NC with me for a period, because she needed some attention and knew I would give it to her. That one REALLY got to me, because I'm the type that will talk to people and support them, and sometimes I know I do it at my own expense. During this period, she gave me some false hope we were going to get back together, and then blew it up in my face and basically admitted to using me. It's REALLY tough to get over these things. Just realize that anyone who would do this to you is not someone that's worth getting upset over. Write it down in a list, and include other reasons why you should not waste a SECOND grieving over such a person. Read that list whenever you are feeling badly about the breakup. Link to comment
peace_lily Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I'm really sorry you had to hear that. That's an incredibly cruel and insensitive thing for him to say. While breaking up with me, my boyfriend told me he wasn't as attracted to me as he used to be because I had gained 5 pounds (eating all the heavy food he cooked). It doesn't matter what your genitals look like. It matters how you use them/ how good the sex was or is. As long as you feel good about how you perform, you don't really need to worry about what he thinks. After all, he's never going to see it again anyway. It helped me to think back and realize that he was always clearly very satisfied with our sex life. The nasty comment was just a way for him to distance himself from me emotionally. He is just trying to hurt you, but you get to choose how you react to his comment. Link to comment
zeldrick Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 he probably is just trying to get back at you...maybe he still have feelings for you. His comments do hurt, but don't let it get you... Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Tell him he has a small * * * * and you faked all your orgasms. Just kidding. What a jerk! You should be glad you dodged that bullet. Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Hey, My ex said exactly the same and that I smelt. He also put me down about my weight and appearance everyday of our relationship. The break up has left me devastated and completely exhausted. These kind of comments used repeatedly are abuse. Just be thankful you are out of that relationship before it got any worse. My relationship was on the verge of physical abuse and I never thought I would be one of those women. My advice is to be totally vigilant now. My abuse escalated with the break-up. It has got so bad I have been on the verge of suicide for the last six months of us being split up. If he has started saying those things now he may try again if you engage in contact. I reccommend strict NC indefinitely. You also need to watch out for patterns within this break up. He may e-mail how he is sorry and he feels so awful for all the things he called you etc etc then when you contact him back or accept contact he will get angry and start name calling again. The cycle goes on and on and gets worse and worse. Just be prepared for what may come. Your ex knew EXACTLY what he was saying to you and the impact those words would have on you. They were said with the aim to hurt you, lower your self esteem and make you jealous. People know that if you break someones self esteem that they believe they are worth nothing and are more likely to cling to those who abuse them. Thus having total power and control. Please be careful and stop him from having contact with you NOW- these are the words I wish I would have listened to 6 months ago take care xx Link to comment
Pappers Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks so much for all of your comments - after a few days now I have tossed it out of my mind and can almost laugh at it. And yes, despite his ongoing proclamations of being a sex god, he was in fact pretty bad... no foreplay for 3 years... (very selfish indeed!) Upwards on onwards!!!! Fiffy - thanks for you kind words. all the best to you on getting back on track. It takes a very strong person to do what you did - you are sooo much better off with the pain you might be experiencing now, than the pain you would suffer under him. Keep it up and big hugs Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yes, this kind of thing is the main reason it is better to break up, walk away, and not look back. There can be so many residual animosities and hard feelings, that they can erupt in the most obnoxious ways and surprise you. this should help give you final closure, and help you move on. Time to find friends who are real friends and would never say something like this, rather than trying to turn an ex into a good friend. Most people eventually leave exes behind, and this is a very good example of why. there is frequently too much bad history and lingering bitterness to turn most exes into good friends. Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 pappers if you ever need to talk or have a weak moment I am always on here so just leave me a private message. My ex was very narcissistic and we rarely had sex and foreplay from his side was something he had never heard of. When I spoke to my therapist he said sometimes people think up ways of hurting or emotionally upsetting their partner. This is to lower thier self esteem. I talked to my therapist about all the weird stuff about sex that happened in my relationship and he confirmed that it was all planned as a form of abuse. My reccommendation is that you see a therapist. It will just build up your strength because if your ex is capable of saying those things to you you may not know if anything else had baan said. I knew something was wrong in my relationship but didn't recognise the abuse (even when it was getting physical) until a few months after it ended. I also reccommend you read a few books on relationships or self building. GOod luck and don't look back xx Link to comment
Adge Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Tell him he has a small * * * * and you faked all your orgasms. Just kidding. What a jerk! You should be glad you dodged that bullet. LOL!!! Anyway...he was probably just lashing out. Horrible thing to say, but I reckon he wanted to get a reaction. It seems you are both feeling each other out still. I wonder if he'll apologise!? Link to comment
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