Having trouble being myself

[nova15]

Ive been seeing my girlfriend long distance for about 7 months, we see each other once a month for about a week.

 

Trouble is (and i've had this with every girl i've really liked except my first girlfriend) I have trouble opening up, talking casually and just being myself. I find that when I meet girls, even ones I find attractive - I'm not intimidated or anything, i don't get nervous even when I find out they like me, but whenever I really start to like a girl my brain just shuts down!!

 

Example, my current girlfriend and I... She will make chit chat, small talk, crack jokes, poke fun of me etc.. But I can't reciprocate, I struggle to find words and make jokes (i'm usually a pretty funny and witty guy).. When we first met, she told me how charming I was, I used to flirt with her a lot and we had so much chemistry, now since we've started seeing each other and I have all these intense feelings for her all I can ever be around her is serious! What is up with me!?!?

 

It's so frustrating, I feel like I over think everything and can't just let go and relax around her. I like her so much, and I feel i'm cheating myself and her from getting to know what I'm really like and I miss the initial chemistry we had in the beginning. I see how much fun she has with her regular friends (guys included) and I feel like I must be so boring in comparison! I'm starting to feel a lot of pressure to just be natural around her.

 

How can I get my old normal self back!?!?

[alli]

I think you should be honest with her. Telling her that once you really like someone, for some reason you get a little nervous & find it harder to relax & joke around. Just opening up like that might make it easier to connect with her, and then maybe you will regain your ability to relax & joke once you feel more comfortable with her.

 

Also, the more you worry about your "performance" & that people must be thinking negatively of you, the more it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to stop thinking about what you should say or do & try to just enjoy being next to her.

[waltwhit]

First of all you have got to stop trying. The more you try the more it is going to form an avalanche of pressure. You will say, why can't I be like I was, then you are going to say why am I pressuring myself about not being like I was, then you are going to feel pressure about feeling pressure, on top of all these deep feelings that you seem to have a problem with feeling. No good. Got to let it go. How? Simple...

 

 

The sooner you sit down and talk to her about your feelings, the better. You are just bottling them up and the pressure is getting to the point that it is stopping up your entire personality when you are around her. So just get it out there. Tell her how you feel about her in great detail, and just let it all come out. As soon as you actually acknowledge it, the feelings of not being able to be yourself will go away, because you will have relieved all that pressure.

 

see if it works!

[nova15]

I agree with what you say about pressure. Whenever we're together its only ever for a few days, as it's long distance. So there's this pressure there anyway to make the time we have all the more special.. I've told her about my feelings for her, not exactly that I find it hard to be myself, but how she makes me nervous and I love her. You know the feeling you get when you meet someone new and are talking? Like an adrenaline rush or something.. and you just can't stop talking like you're so excited to be talking to this person? It's like the opposite of that. My brain just shuts down. Even though I love talking to her we have many one sided conversations with me just nodding and saying 'yeah.. mmhmm..' We're very different people also, into almost completely opposite things, and I don't know much about art and the things she's interested in and so that could be another reason also..

[waltwhit]

well you are going to have to somehow figure out a way not to put this undue pressure on yourself. If you can figure out how to relieve that pressure to say something brilliant or funny or whatever at every moment, or any moment for that matter, you will immediately be head and shoulders above where you are now. And, chances are, she probably thinks it's cute the way you are around her. So just try your best to relax and know, as long as you are not pressuring yourself, you are already being a lot more interesting. In fact, the next time you two hang out, I want you to EXPECT that you are just going to nod and say ahhhh mmmmm that's interesting or whatever it was you said you did. EXPECT that. be OK with that. and just focus on her, her smile, her face, her smell, everything and anything. And really LISTEN. Spend your time actually listening to what she says and not listening to your own inner critic telling you you better say something funny soon or else!