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has my breakups become a pattern or real this time?


freefromu

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i broke up with my boyfriend for the 5th or 6th time in a 2.5 years relationship. we love each other ( maybe at this point he doesn't, i have no idea.), but because we are so much alike in temperment, very often when we had conflirts, we couldn't resolve and we will break up.

 

the first few rounds i felt totally devastated as i was so into him. the end of the world feel was so strong. i requested immediate patch the next day and he would agree readily because he loved/liked me a lot too.

 

after that, i learned what not to do to avoid break up. the last break up was inevitable, i thought he was cheating on me, i broke up with him , he looked me up after a couple of weeks, cleared things up and we were lovey dovey again.

 

for the past four months, we had a few fights, and fights got more serious. i tried so hard to forgive and forget but alas...it reached a point that i hinted a break up, he accepted it as usual , and here i am. i initiated the break up two days ago after pondering about it for one day. that day, i felt cold at heart, i felt i can do without him, i felt i no longer will have the end-of-world feeling if we break up.

 

now that we had broken up, i started to feel sad, not as bad as the first few rounds. i started to wonder if he would contact me again like the last time. i wish and hope our break up is just a tool to resolve our last issue. he said before, after a few days if we did't contact because we were fighting, he would miss me so much that nothing matters anymore. i always felt this way too. i hope hope hope this round will be the same. my initiate plan was not to use a breakup to resolve the conflirt, i didn't even have a plan. i just felt my heart was cold and i hated him so much i want to leave.

 

it was not very clear who was the real dumper, i sent him a text which i knew would make him imply a break up. and then i agreed. so that made him the dumper. since he is the dumper, i will wait for him to want me back again.

 

i used to be sad that he always respond pretty fast to agree to a break up. i used to think he doesn't love me. but i think this is because he is super proud and emotional. he would agree to break up even if this is not what he wants. he will also agree to break up when we are both feeling upset. he is not young, he is over 40s. i feel that i am always the one coaxing him, honestly, i hate it. i feel like moving on, but on the other hand, i love him too much to want to move on. what should i do....

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Using a breakup as a tool to work out your problems is not a good idea. You can see how it creates emotional turmoil for both of you. And a lot of people I know who do this.. get together, break up, get together, break up, get together... they do not end up staying together. Who knows if this one will be the final one or not. But if you get back together, you guys are going to need to find a better way of dealing with your problems. Relationship counseling!! I'm serious. You guys need to see a counselor. Because one of these times, the break up will not be followed by getting back together.

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thanks for your comments. i get what you meant. i didn't plan to use the break up as a tool to resolve issue. i only started to notice this pattern because i am hoping we would patch up like all other times.

 

i know he still loves me. i had the strong urge to text him just now, but stopped myself. i am determined to wait until he contact me first. but if he doesn't after 3-4 weeks, then i will contact him...

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