How do you do it?

[Pocket Rocket]

Ok, so pending a surprise win on the Euromillions (it'll be very surprising indeed, since I don't even play how does one 'make it' in life? How do you secure a future for yourself?

 

ok, to be clear, 'making it' in life for me entails more than making big bucks and never working a day in my life. That's not what I want, I'd still work even if I won a truck load of money. I'd just do something I really really want to do; it probably wouldn't pay well, like rescuing sea turtles lol

 

I want to plan for the future but my first priority is ensuring my family is well taken care of. Neither of my parents have a retirement fund that will keep them going on their own for long. They have property they could sell, but I don't know how far that could go. My mother has told me she would rather we put them in a retirement home when they're old. I refuse to, I couldn't do it. We don't always get along, but I love my parents, and they've given me everything I've needed and beyond. They'd be really unhappy if they knew I work hard mostly for their sake. They want my sister and I to have a life of our own, not to live to make sacrifices for them. But I couldn't leave them like that.

 

I know what I'm doing now is definitely not going keep me happy in the long term. Don't get me wrong, it's a great job, where I don't have to sacrifice the Earth or my integrity to do well, and the people I work with are great. But working from 9 to 7, work is a huge chunk of my life. I'm prepared to work hard now to prepare for later, but I see so many people wanting to do the same and just end up taking on more responsibilities, only to buy more things.

 

I don't want to feel like I've invested a huge part of my life on something that didn't feel entirely right for me. Just surviving through life instead of thriving. Living to make more money just for the sake of buying more things feels like survival to me, not my personal idea of thriving.

 

I'm feeling a little defeated and I've only just begun working. I feel like this is it. It's like I know I'm on the wrong road and I can see the right one in the distance but I can't get off the one I'm on; know what I mean?

 

Note: I'm not planning on having kids. the more I think about it, the more I think it just isn't for me. It could change but i feel really strongly about it right now. Anyone here managed to do well for themselves and secure their happiness?

 

Apologies if this is confusing, I do tend to ramble.

[Arielle]

Hi Pocket Rocket!

 

Just by asking these questions shows me that you've taken that all important first step in achieving your goals. If I'm reading your post correctly (or perhaps I'm just interjecting my own thoughts), it seems that you are not necessarily fixated on the material things in life, yet you don't want to live a life of complete austerity either.

 

By all means, keep working hard, keep to a budget and keep track of your spending. Also, make sure you make regular payments into savings or investments, even if it's just teeny-tiny amounts. It's easy to get into that trap where you sock money away only if you have a lot of extra cash hanging around. I think in the long run people come out ahead if they make regular contributions to their savings.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're thinking of your parents. There are a lot of issues surrounding eldercare, and I'm wishing you the best of luck when the time comes when they can no longer take care of themselves.

 

As far as your work, I'm not sure of what you do, (sorry I haven't read many of your previous posts), but I'm sure you may already have an idea of what direction you want your career to take you. You may be a bit bored with your job, but take what part of your job interests you the most and really push that part, either by taking additional coursework or trying to specialize more in what interests you.

 

If you're like a lot of other people, you might be working for a living, but you may have some outside interests that you're passionate about. For example, maybe you work in an office but love to sing. By all means, do what you can to pursue your outside interests, and don't be afraid to spend a little money on doing things you really enjoy (within reason, of course). It's amazing how many opportunities can arise just from pursuing your hobbies.

 

I'm a single mother, and I know that all work and no play can make me pretty stale. Easier said than done, but I try to take time out to enjoy things I really enjoy doing. And it doesn't mean I need to keep buying new clothes, new furniture, and new electronic gadgets to keep me going in life.

 

I hope this helps. I guess I can boil everything down to: work hard, but take time out for yourself.

[thejigsup]

I always went for the happiness and screw the money when I was younger. Boy, do I regret that! Go for the money, everytime. I struggle sometimes and it isn't fun. In fact, it is less fun than having a job that is not making you happy. Way less fun.

[Pocket Rocket]

Hi arielle, thank you so much for the great response.

 

Hi Pocket Rocket!

Just by asking these questions shows me that you've taken that all important first step in achieving your goals. If I'm reading your post correctly (or perhaps I'm just interjecting my own thoughts), it seems that you are not necessarily fixated on the material things in life, yet you don't want to live a life of complete austerity either.

 

Yes, I don't want to live a life of self denial, I want to live comfortably and I'm prepared to work towards ensuring that now.

 

By all means, keep working hard, keep to a budget and keep track of your spending. Also, make sure you make regular payments into savings or investments, even if it's just teeny-tiny amounts. It's easy to get into that trap where you sock money away only if you have a lot of extra cash hanging around. I think in the long run people come out ahead if they make regular contributions to their savings.

 

This is definitely good advice. In this country I may have the option to put money away in an account that isn't so easy to access. That way i may be deterred from spending it frivolously, which i sometimes do.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're thinking of your parents. There are a lot of issues surrounding eldercare, and I'm wishing you the best of luck when the time comes when they can no longer take care of themselves.

 

I wish myself the same sometimes! lol

 

As far as your work, I'm not sure of what you do, (sorry I haven't read many of your previous posts), but I'm sure you may already have an idea of what direction you want your career to take you. You may be a bit bored with your job, but take what part of your job interests you the most and really push that part, either by taking additional coursework or trying to specialize more in what interests you.

 

If you're like a lot of other people, you might be working for a living, but you may have some outside interests that you're passionate about. For example, maybe you work in an office but love to sing. By all means, do what you can to pursue your outside interests, and don't be afraid to spend a little money on doing things you really enjoy (within reason, of course). It's amazing how many opportunities can arise just from pursuing your hobbies.

 

Well my current career falls within the environmental sector and it's the middle ground between something I really want to do (not sure exactly what that is yet) and earning money to live without my family freaking out

 

I'm not sure how I'd be able to pick up hobbies outside of work, I have barely enough time to get ready for the next day after work and i take a long time to recover over the weekends. I used to take really really good care of myself, eat well, exercise and so on. These days I do the bare minimum just to be able to get through the next day. that's one aspect of starting this job that really really bothers me.

 

I think i may just be feeling a little lost because I've only recently moved here and have very very loose command of the local language. i think once I'll need to focus on taking evening classes first before doing anything else, but in future, that may be an option.

 

I'm a single mother, and I know that all work and no play can make me pretty stale. Easier said than done, but I try to take time out to enjoy things I really enjoy doing. And it doesn't mean I need to keep buying new clothes, new furniture, and new electronic gadgets to keep me going in life.

 

here i am complaining and you have yourself and a young child to take care of. How do you manage??

 

I hope this helps. I guess I can boil everything down to: work hard, but take time out for yourself.

 

It did help, thank you. It's kind of let me see that it isn't impossible but it's going to be hard work.

[Pocket Rocket]

I always went for the happiness and screw the money when I was younger. Boy, do I regret that! Go for the money, everytime. I struggle sometimes and it isn't fun. In fact, it is less fun than having a job that is not making you happy. Way less fun.

 

I definitely know what you mean, I wouldn't want to be doing something that would take comfort away from my day to day life. That's why I want to build a solid foundation now so that later i may be able to have a little more freedom.

[Arielle]

I'm not sure how I'd be able to pick up hobbies outside of work, I have barely enough time to get ready for the next day after work and i take a long time to recover over the weekends. I used to take really really good care of myself, eat well, exercise and so on. These days I do the bare minimum just to be able to get through the next day. that's one aspect of starting this job that really really bothers me.

 

 

It's hard to get in the swing of things when you've had a drastic change in lifestyle. Go ahead and give yourself some time to adjust and to settle into new routines. It will get easier as time goes by, though you might find that after a while you might want to start pushing yourself a little more to see if you can handle it.

 

Good luck!

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I think a little faith is equal to a lot of hard work. So find your passion and do that. Don't worry about the money or taking care of people in the future because no one knows what the future may bring. You can save money for a lifetime and it all be gone in a moment by ways you never fathomed. Or you could rescue sea turtles for pennies and find yourself the queen of an empire one day. If your heart is in the right place, then life will show you a way.

 

That's my belief and it's always been true for me.

[Batya33]

Wow - I would love a job that I knew was just 9 to 7 every day. My job sometimes is 9 to 7 but it can also be 8am to 11pm, on a Sunday from 7am-11am, or 4:30pm to 3am. And very often I never know this until I get to work in the morning (that I will be there till all hours or that I will have nothing to do until 5pm and then stay till midnight). It's become more predictable over the years but the first 10 years or so (I am now doing this 14 years) was more like that than not. Oh, and weekends too and no, holidays and vacations were not sacred either.

 

After 9/11 I decided that I would start doing volunteer work once a week in the evenings and make that commitment barring a true emergency at work (I had done volunteer work before but it had been a few years). That made a world of difference - from 2002-2008 I worked with homeless children who lived at a shelter (reading with them/homework help), and sometimes their mothers as far as career advice. That gave me a lot of perspective that was sometimes missing in the "corporate world" (I did several years of public interest work in high school, college, grad school and afterwards often with children so that is why I chose that focus).

 

My point is that I made the commitment and once you do that you find a way to make it work . I went there in terrible weather, when I was exhausted and when I knew I had to go back to work afterwards at 830pm or go home and do hours of work. Again I am not writing this to say "go me!" but to show you that it can work - and of course since you have predictable hours it can work.

 

Three years ago I joined a monthly women's networking/support group and again I made the commitment to be there - and it helped give me perspective on career goals and get more ideas about managing my career and/or considering future transitions.

 

And - 99% of the men I dated had schedules similar to mine, could relate, and that made it less stressful to plan dates or sometimes to cancel or postpone dates because they did not take it personally.

 

I too likely would work in some capacity even if I won the lottery so I can relate. my goal has never been to be wealthy, just financially stable.

 

So yes, branch out - make the time whether it's a few hours a month at a networking group or professional/industry organization or volunteer work which may help you get the perspective you're looking for. Good luck.

[Pocket Rocket]

It's hard to get in the swing of things when you've had a drastic change in lifestyle. Go ahead and give yourself some time to adjust and to settle into new routines. It will get easier as time goes by, though you might find that after a while you might want to start pushing yourself a little more to see if you can handle it.

 

Good luck!

 

Yes I think you're right, I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now and it lends to a pretty bleak perspective. Thanks again Arielle.

[Pocket Rocket]

I think a little faith is equal to a lot of hard work. So find your passion and do that. Don't worry about the money or taking care of people in the future because no one knows what the future may bring. You can save money for a lifetime and it all be gone in a moment by ways you never fathomed. Or you could rescue sea turtles for pennies and find yourself the queen of an empire one day. If your heart is in the right place, then life will show you a way.

 

That's my belief and it's always been true for me.

 

Thanks for answering JJ (if you don't mind that I call you that). I wish it were that easy for me to let go, but following my heart and shirking my responsibilities would make me feel just as bad. Your post gives food for thought though.

[Pocket Rocket]

As always Batya, thank you for the level-headed response.

 

Wow - I would love a job that I knew was just 9 to 7 every day. My job sometimes is 9 to 7 but it can also be 8am to 11pm, on a Sunday from 7am-11am, or 4:30pm to 3am. And very often I never know this until I get to work in the morning (that I will be there till all hours or that I will have nothing to do until 5pm and then stay till midnight). It's become more predictable over the years but the first 10 years or so (I am now doing this 14 years) was more like that than not. Oh, and weekends too and no, holidays and vacations were not sacred either.

 

Oh this job has only been from 9-7 so far because I've only just started. I've spoken to the more senior colleagues and some of them have to go through hours similar to yours, although I wouldn't say it's as drastic as having to work weekends, but again, I've just started, anything's possible at this point. The one good thing about living where I'm living now is that they're generous with how much holiday time you get given. Having said that though, it seems because the work is project based, you wouldn't be able to take out as many days as there are on offer. I honestly don't know how people like you cope, I'd crumble pretty quickly if I had to work the hours you do. When I work i put everything I've got into what i do. i don't think i'd have the energy to keep going for that long!

 

 

After 9/11 I decided that I would start doing volunteer work once a week in the evenings and make that commitment barring a true emergency at work (I had done volunteer work before but it had been a few years). That made a world of difference - from 2002-2008 I worked with homeless children who lived at a shelter (reading with them/homework help), and sometimes their mothers as far as career advice. That gave me a lot of perspective that was sometimes missing in the "corporate world" (I did several years of public interest work in high school, college, grad school and afterwards often with children so that is why I chose that focus).

 

Volunteering is something I'd definitely like to do, my only barrier right now is language. As soon as I'm settled and speak well enough to communicate properly I'll be looking to volunteer.

 

My point is that I made the commitment and once you do that you find a way to make it work . I went there in terrible weather, when I was exhausted and when I knew I had to go back to work afterwards at 830pm or go home and do hours of work. Again I am not writing this to say "go me!" but to show you that it can work - and of course since you have predictable hours it can work.

 

I understand your point, it's a valid one. To have a life outside of work and commit to it. I think that's what I'll have to do.

 

Three years ago I joined a monthly women's networking/support group and again I made the commitment to be there - and it helped give me perspective on career goals and get more ideas about managing my career and/or considering future transitions.

 

This is something I've started doing. I've started looking for like-minded people to hang out with. There are a few Sunday dinners hosted by expats who have lived here for many years and I've been invited to go to one. I want to use it as an opportunity to speak to people who've done what i'm doing now. The worst thing I could do is isolate myself, especially since I haven't made friends here yet.

 

And - 99% of the men I dated had schedules similar to mine, could relate, and that made it less stressful to plan dates or sometimes to cancel or postpone dates because they did not take it personally.

 

Oddly dating isn't very high on my list of priorities right now but I'll definitely keep this in mind for later!

 

I too likely would work in some capacity even if I won the lottery so I can relate. my goal has never been to be wealthy, just financially stable.

 

So yes, branch out - make the time whether it's a few hours a month at a networking group or professional/industry organization or volunteer work which may help you get the perspective you're looking for. Good luck.

 

Thanks, your advice will likely come in handy. Hopefully I'll have a more positive outlook sooner rather than later.

[Batya33]

You're very welcome! It's funny - in my field working weekends isn't drastic, it's typical. Would it help you to find a trusted senior colleague and discuss his or her job satisfaction and how she copes with it all?

[Pocket Rocket]

I have done so, but only during casual conversation. She sounded a little defeated but I don't think it was necessarily to do with work, just the full package. One of the things she mentioned was once I get adjusted to try build some sort of routine, and not to live alone, which is what I do now. I can see what she means - being new here and having just broken up with someone I think I need to be around people or I'll deteriorate pretty quickly.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Thanks for answering JJ (if you don't mind that I call you that). I wish it were that easy for me to let go, but following my heart and shirking my responsibilities would make me feel just as bad. Your post gives food for thought though.

 

If you're going about life aimlessly, then I'd say that is shirking. But if you're doing a job that you're meant to do, and it doesn't pay a lot, then no one can fault you for that.

 

I believe our ability to help others is linked directly to our hearts. If you kill your heart, your passion, for a job that pays more, then in the end you'll burn out and come out with less. It's like using a ratchet to drive in nails because you think there's not enough time to go to the store and get a hammer. But in the end, you damage the ratchet and the job probably won't turn out as well as it should have.

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that we're just not wise enough to see all angles. Our logic and reason can't always be trusted.

 

Best wishes with whatever you do.

[thejigsup]

I have found in life that the older we get, when we have money, we're funny. When we're broke, we're a joke. It's never been any different for me. When I finally finish school, next year, I will be in a position to make good money and have a job I truly love. That is always best. If I had to chose; I have to support myself, my son, and my pets, I'd go with the money. Thank God I will no longer have to do that next year.

[Pocket Rocket]

The thing is I lack some sense of purpose in this life. I get on the metro in the morning and see people going to work and I wonder 'what for?', like, do people even know what they are doing this for or are they just going through the motions? My worst nightmare would be to live life and look back realising I'd done nothing more than just go through it. There has to be more to life? And how do I find what 'more' actually is?

 

I'm not religious, it's highly unlikely I will ever be, but how else do you find out what you were meant for? I know these qre pretty heady questions, but they keep surfacing every day and I have yet to find answers.

[Pocket Rocket]

I have found in life that the older we get, when we have money, we're funny. When we're broke, we're a joke. It's never been any different for me. When I finally finish school, next year, I will be in a position to make good money and have a job I truly love. That is always best. If I had to chose; I have to support myself, my son, and my pets, I'd go with the money. Thank God I will no longer have to do that next year.

 

I don't necessarily want to head in the direction of no money, especially not now. I've had it hammered into my head enough times by my family how it's a dog eat dog world and without money you're going to find it tough to thrive. However, this is giving me the impression that you can't have both happiness and money?

[Jeremiah Johnson]

The thing is I lack some sense of purpose in this life. I get on the metro in the morning and see people going to work and I wonder 'what for?', like, do people even know what they are doing this for or are they just going through the motions? My worst nightmare would be to live life and look back realising I'd done nothing more than just go through it. There has to be more to life? And how do I find what 'more' actually is?

 

I'm not religious, it's highly unlikely I will ever be, but how else do you find out what you were meant for? I know these qre pretty heady questions, but they keep surfacing every day and I have yet to find answers.

 

I've never really had a good answer for that. My own religious beliefs aside, if someone doesn't believe in some sort of eternal framework, then I don't know how to tell them that life has purpose. If this world is all there is, then there is no purpose to anything... because it all fades away.

 

I don't believe that this world is all there is, and it's that belief that gives me purpose and direction. As to what makes one person believe one thing, and another person believe different, I have no idea. It's beyond my understanding.

[nurse1986]

Dear Pocket Rocket,

 

No, this isn't confusing at all! In fact, your post has made me realize something myself. No one truly knows what they want in life. Everyone has questions, but not everyone asks them. No, you will never know what the future holds for you or your parents, but I think you are a genuinely nice person for caring for someone so much that you put their needs before your own. I think you are a very wonderful person for that. I wish that there were more people in this world like you. It would make this place such a beautiful place. What ever you decide to do in life, I am sure you will do great! Your attitude and outlook on things is very positive and that surpasses everything else!

 

Many thoughts,

 

 

xxoxox

[JohnGalt]

Read the alchemist.

[thejigsup]

You can have both money and happiness. In most cases, money can bring happiness. No worry about losing your home, trips to fun places, good schools for your children, a more successful spouse, better diet and health, the list goes on and on. That being said, I value the things that money can't buy. I have people in my life I love and pets that I adore! So, yes, you can have it all. If you don't think money is important, ask anyone on this site who has lost their job and is facing homelessness how important money is.

[Pocket Rocket]

Jeremiah Johnson

I've never really had a good answer for that. My own religious beliefs aside, if someone doesn't believe in some sort of eternal framework, then I don't know how to tell them that life has purpose. If this world is all there is, then there is no purpose to anything... because it all fades away.

 

I don't believe that this world is all there is, and it's that belief that gives me purpose and direction. As to what makes one person believe one thing, and another person believe different, I have no idea. It's beyond my understanding.

 

It was easy to come up with my sense of right and wrong without religion. The closest thing I have to a religion is secular humanism, and it gives me a pretty good grasp on what I feel is not right and how to come to that conclusion without the 'or else' factor (eg karma,hell, etc). Finding a purpose is clearly harder, but I'm not giving up without trying. Thanks again for the reply.

 

 

Nurse1986

No, this isn't confusing at all! In fact, your post has made me realize something myself. No one truly knows what they want in life. Everyone has questions, but not everyone asks them. No, you will never know what the future holds for you or your parents, but I think you are a genuinely nice person for caring for someone so much that you put their needs before your own. I think you are a very wonderful person for that. I wish that there were more people in this world like you. It would make this place such a beautiful place. What ever you decide to do in life, I am sure you will do great! Your attitude and outlook on things is very positive and that surpasses everything else!

 

Thank you for the kind and positive message Nurse1986. It's kind of easy to lose sight when you're not feeling your best. and trust me, there are plenty of altruistic, dedicated people around, more so than myself, the world just isn't used to looking for them. i suggest you read 'Three Cups of Tea', it's an amazing story about an amazing human being and one of the reasons these questions all came back to me.

 

 

JohnGalt

Read the alchemist.

 

I have, it's one of my favourite books. Maybe I'm being a little obtuse but I didn't find any answers there?

 

 

thejigsup

You can have both money and happiness. In most cases, money can bring happiness. No worry about losing your home, trips to fun places, good schools for your children, a more successful spouse, better diet and health, the list goes on and on. That being said, I value the things that money can't buy. I have people in my life I love and pets that I adore! So, yes, you can have it all. If you don't think money is important, ask anyone on this site who has lost their job and is facing homelessness how important money is.

 

Yes, you're right, and I need to find a way to make it work both ways.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

It was easy to come up with my sense of right and wrong without religion. The closest thing I have to a religion is secular humanism, and it gives me a pretty good grasp on what I feel is not right and how to come to that conclusion without the 'or else' factor (eg karma,hell, etc). Finding a purpose is clearly harder, but I'm not giving up without trying. Thanks again for the reply.

 

I suppose the difficult term here is "religion". I'm not really religious, but then that's according to my definition of the word. The main concept for me in finding purpose though is the presense of eternal things. Because in my mind, if nothing at all lasts forever, then right and wrong really can't exist.

 

Right and wrong tend to imply things that lead to good or bad outcomes. But if eventually, everything will come to nothing, then the outcome is always the same - nothing. In that case, how can there be purpose to anything? It's like someone giving you a recycled sheet of metal and asking you if you'd rather it have been a Honda or a Toyota before it was recycled. It doesn't really matter what it was in the past, because now it's just a sheet of metal.

 

So if we put ourselves 10 trillion years in the future when mankind is dead, all the stars in the universe have burned out, and everything is black (or if it's a contracting universe and everything collapses in on itself again), does it matter if we were kind or mean to each other? If there's nothing beyond the physical, then no it doesn't. Because in the end, it's all the same. However, if there are eternal spiritual forces, then there it does matter and there is purpose.

 

That's my view on things if it makes any sense.

[Pocket Rocket]

I think my view on this is that even if it all comes to nothing, it still matters because we feel. My first rule in life is do no intentional harm. Simply because by harming others I am no closer to happiness, I only push myself further away from it. If we weren't sentient human beings then yes, none of this would really matter. I feel the need to do right by mankind because there is a lot of pain around, and someone (or several someones) needs to do something. And even if I can't make a difference to a huge bunch of people, I can make a difference to a small handful, and that's enough. And when I die, I really do believe I'll decompose and become part of the Earth, but to me that's a wonderful thing because even though I won't be here there will still be a part of me here on this planet, like there is a bit of everything from this planet, or even the universe, right inside of me. All I know is that I exist. Whether there is something more or less than that I have no certainty of, so all I can do is live, be happy, and try not to hurt anyone.

 

I feel we may be bordering on religious debate which is a no-no here on ENA, but the topic does interest me, so if you'd like to keep discussing, feel free to PM.

[Batya33]

Do you find it more helpful to get specific, concrete advice about your original post -- which is focused on fulfillment through career -- or to discuss the more abstract concepts of self-fulfillment in general and how it relates to the universe at large? Just curious - I assumed it was the former but would be interested to know if it is more the latter.