What do you do?

[pushforward]

A rant about my current feelings and thoughts.

 

I've given up hope. I'm slowly returning back to normal. It's been a long process, it doesn't hurt as bad or as long. The thoughts still linger. I am trying to break my thought pattern of having a future with her. Nothing in life lasts forever. I've changed, more humble than I have ever been. Hurt like I've never hurt before. Loved like tomorrow was my last day.

 

It's odd how emotionally distraught I was. Even to this day, I have pain, it's not as strong or as frequent. I'm tired of this battling and I've been told I'll move on when I'm ready. What if I'll never be ready? What if I will be stuck in this continual rut of loving this person and envisioning a future with her. Confusion arises, it's not the healthiest choice, nor is it logical to keep thinking about it. I don't know why part of me refuses to let go and still pictures a future with her. I don't get it. Is it because she's my first and that I know of no other, or is it love? Maybe an obsession? I don't know where my rationality has gone.

 

I've lived and relived the relationship over in my head. Sifting through memories of love and laughter, embracing the pain as the tears roll down my cheeks. Staring at myself in the mirror, telling myself I'll make it through this. I don't need her and don't want to be with her. Yet a part of me longs for her. It's so confusing and heart wrenching. To have her out of my life, to have said goodbyes in my head. To remember every little good moment and smile with hurt in my heart. How do I say goodbye to yesterday?

 

I know this is just a little heart break to what life really has in store for me. I don't know at this point. I keep seeing a future with this woman who is out of my life, like some twist of fate we might end up together or we might not. I've been focusing on myself and improve. Coming out of the emotional wreck that I still might be. I never lost myself in the relationship. I've always been improving. I've always had my goals. I've always put the relationship first and invested my time and love into it.

 

You know with all this pain and craziness, for the first time in my life. I really feel like I'm going to be okay. That I've lived through this and can make it through much more. Even though I am giving this thought 24/7, it's going to take a lot more healing and soul searching. I might continue to think about her forever and that doesn't bother me as much. I guess that's the profound impact she's had on my life. She really was important and it's time to put her to the past. A new year is among us. Time for change. Change for the better.

 

I'm starting to remember who I am and what I love about me. As soon as I let go, I'm sure love will find me again. Not from another, but love from me, to me.

 

So back to my thread subject. What do you do? When you've convinced yourself this person is the one person you want to share your life with, even though they are gone. What do you say when you've already said goodbye. It's hard to forcefully stop thinking about a future with this person. I saw a great happiness with being with her in our future. Now, am I destined for an even happier future, now that she's gone?

 

4 months broken up, over 2 months of strict NC. My mentality and mind state has almost 180. It used to be how to win her back, now it's how do I win me back?

 

Sorry for my rants. Haven't posted in awhile, just wanted to keep some readers out there informed. It does get better, the pain does slowly go away. It's not time that heals, it's what you do in that time to heal.

[goodkarma_1]

hey there push--

Im happy to see that you are in another state of mind...a healthier state. It is hard to say goodbye however sometimes somethings come over us and we know when its right and that we HAVE to do it. I praise you for that. I wish you the best and much happiness in the new year. Hang in there, the most important person is YOU..no one else. Be happy, be healthy and good things shall come your way. You give me hope. thank you.

[John Bendix]

When you mention confusing and conflicting thoughts and emotions, the psychological term Cognitive Dissonance comes to mind. It is a theory proposed in the 50's that is regaining credence in today's world of psych studies.

 

It postulates that we all have conflicting and contrary thoughts and resulting emotions. It is how we deal with these that determines how this affect us and ultimatly how we view the world. There are many ways of dealing with the contradicitions produced cognitively. Some obsess to try and figure out the cause. Others cope by believing the one that works in our best interest to believe is the correct and denounce the others. Some try selective exposure. That is not listening or reading what we do not want to believe to be true. thereforee, dissonance cannot arise.

 

 

You can search cognitive dissonance if you choose.

[dur-LiveIt]

Hey Pushforward,

 

I can relate to your trouble letting go of the vision of a future with someone you had made a commitment to. Yes, I once did that too. It took me a long time to try to understand and let go of this future I had committed myself to with this person.

 

Then when, the proverbial "rug" got pulled out from underneath me, I was lost and confused, emotionally, and even physically. I ran the whole relationship over and over in my head, like a bad made for tv movie. I kept running that script, thinking each time, I would finally find or see what the problem or mistake was. It was of no use. I finally had to accept that my dreams of a future life with that person, were just that, only dreams.

 

But, only mine alone, apparently. That hurt. I thought he was in the game too. He wasn't, despite vows of marriage, etc.

 

Sometimes, you do just have to give it up. You are heading in the right direction. Make it all about you right now. Learn whatever you can from this, but, don't get stuck in it either. Doesn't sound like you are, you keep going on, yes, there will be times and days that it does truly suck, but, you will get past it eventually.

 

Best of luck to you and good cheers for the new year.

[pushforward]

hey there push--

Im happy to see that you are in another state of mind...a healthier state. It is hard to say goodbye however sometimes somethings come over us and we know when its right and that we HAVE to do it. I praise you for that. I wish you the best and much happiness in the new year. Hang in there, the most important person is YOU..no one else. Be happy, be healthy and good things shall come your way. You give me hope. thank you.

 

Thanks for the reply. Emotional roller coaster, but it's not that bad anymore. I don't break in tears over nothing, unless I have one of those days where I feel like the world is caving in on me. I still think about her like crazy, I don't want to have anything to do with her though.

 

When you mention confusing and conflicting thoughts and emotions, the psychological term Cognitive Dissonance comes to mind. It is a theory proposed in the 50's that is regaining credence in today's world of psych studies.

 

It postulates that we all have conflicting and contrary thoughts and resulting emotions. It is how we deal with these that determines how this affect us and ultimatly how we view the world. There are many ways of dealing with the contradicitions produced cognitively. Some obsess to try and figure out the cause. Others cope by believing the one that works in our best interest to believe is the correct and denounce the others. Some try selective exposure. That is not listening or reading what we do not want to believe to be true. thereforee, dissonance cannot arise.

 

 

You can search cognitive dissonance if you choose.

 

Yes, I know of cognitive dissonance. Two conflicting thoughts causing inner turmoil. I seem to have plenty of that. It's like a tug of war though. Part me wants to move on, another parts of me wants to stay still and wants her back. I don't want to stay comfortable in pain, so I constantly push myself to get out of place. I do not ever want to be in position again. I'm stuck in the obsession of analyzing and trying to figure out how to heal immediately. All in all, I'm lost as usual.

 

Hey Pushforward,

 

I can relate to your trouble letting go of the vision of a future with someone you had made a commitment to. Yes, I once did that too. It took me a long time to try to understand and let go of this future I had committed myself to with this person.

 

Then when, the proverbial "rug" got pulled out from underneath me, I was lost and confused, emotionally, and even physically. I ran the whole relationship over and over in my head, like a bad made for tv movie. I kept running that script, thinking each time, I would finally find or see what the problem or mistake was. It was of no use. I finally had to accept that my dreams of a future life with that person, were just that, only dreams.

 

But, only mine alone, apparently. That hurt. I thought he was in the game too. He wasn't, despite vows of marriage, etc.

 

Sometimes, you do just have to give it up. You are heading in the right direction. Make it all about you right now. Learn whatever you can from this, but, don't get stuck in it either. Doesn't sound like you are, you keep going on, yes, there will be times and days that it does truly suck, but, you will get past it eventually.

 

Best of luck to you and good cheers for the new year.

 

I don't want to get stuck, but I don't want to let go of hope either. It's odd how I fight myself over this. My head telling my heart to let it go. There is no going back, once there is infidelity. Things did not end on good terms. I deserve much better out of life and I will hold out for something worth it. I pray I do get over this. Longest winter ever.