Being able to impress at first and then not later on?

[Iwantittoend]

I have a problem where I'll talk up a storm on the first date. Then as time goes by things just start to dry up. I have the initial conversations then and then I can't think of anything else to say. I'm starting to realize this with my girlfriend of a month. I just can't think of anything to talk about and most of the time it's me being goofy to replace conversation. Does anyone else have this problem?

[davef]

You probably need more interesting things in your life to talk about. That is the real problem. Been were you are, no fun.

[Iwantittoend]

You use all your good material right away and have nothing left. Because you don't think any of the other things you could talk about are interesting. Next time you are at a party or in a situation where someone is talking a lot, listen to what they're saying and what the topic is. Chances are it's about some relatively noninteresting thing.

 

You can talk for 2 hours about ANYTHING. You just gotta be creative.

 

I know I could, but my mind goes blank sometimes. There are times when things just flow naturally but most of the time that is not the case. I just have a mental block. I especially notice this on the phone where I'll go through the usual "how are you?", "how was work?", etc. routine and then nothing. I don't know how to really improve this.

[Iwantittoend]

You probably need more interesting things in your life to talk about. That is the real problem. Been were you are, no fun.

 

Probably. I go through the same routine daily and my gf and I usually always just watch movies at home. I'm fine with it, but I don't know if she is.

[DN]

It's as important to listen as it is to talk. And sometimes that means asking open-ended questions so that the other person is encouraged to talk about the things that interest them.

[nutbrownhare]

This is where having mutual interests and hobbies really comes into its own; though do remember it's not just your responsibility to make conversation!

 

Do you ask questions, too? There was a place I used to work, where there was this French woman who always seemed to be surrounded by interesting conversation. It was because she had a knack of asking questions which would really draw the other person out, whilst the original question showed that she'd been listening to them attentively (either at that time, or on previous occasions). She was fantastic company, not so much because of what she said, but because of what she made other people become.

[jettison]

Mute/deaf people have perfectly functioning relationships. Sometimes, communication isn't always about what is said, or how much is said. Non-verbal communication, and your actions in relation to your partner go a long, long way.

 

Also, make sure that you're focusing on your own life, your own desires, your own hobbies, your own passions, and then inviting the other person in to be part of that. It's not about performing for that person, per say, or going out of your way to be witty. It's about sharing more then anything.

[davef]

It seems many of you besides jettison are, as they say in the psychology profession, red-crossing. The truth is that he doesn't have any humorous stories to tell because nothing funny or interesting happens in his life. If he keeps the relationship going like this, he is going to lose it.

[Aviatormy]

I agree with other people on here. It's not all about you and what you are about.

 

More than likely, if you have nothing to say, that is a good chance that you have talked your GF's ear off and she might be a bit bored.

 

I have the ability to hold conversations for hours with people (male or female) because I do a lot like the french girl that nutbrownhare mentioned does... Just ASK them questions.

 

Next time you talk to your GF try these questions out when you hit that 3 seconds of silence

 

"so what is the craziest thing you have ever done"

 

"So ask me something that you want to know about me... ANYTHING"

 

"So in your career that you are choosing, what made you decide to go after that"

 

"what is the most memorable thing that you have done with your brother/sister/mother/father"

 

Simple questions like that will get her going. You may not even think that you will care about her answer when you first ask it but eventually you will ask a question that will bring up something that can start a conversation.

 

Look at your GF like your education. By the time most people get married, they have learned enough about their spouse that can be the equivalent to a high school diploma and then they kinda stop asking questions and stop studying her. Why not try to get your associates, Masters and Doctrine degree on her?

 

Good luck!

[nutbrownhare]

Look at your GF like your education. By the time most people get married, they have learned enough about their spouse that can be the equivalent to a high school diploma and then they kinda stop asking questions and stop studying her. Why not try to get your associates, Masters and Doctrine degree on her?

 

I LIKE it!

[Bad Wolf]

I'm the same... After awhile I just run out of things to say Then I start acting like a doof which I'm guessing would get annoying after awhile.