I'm ripping my hair out.

[ClementineK]

Everyone says, "The first three months are the hardest. It'll get better after that." It's been three months. I don't feel any better.

 

I really don't like being here. I want to go home. But I think I'm stuck. I really don't want to be a "Debbie Downer". I want to like it here! However, I find that I cannot get along with anyone here. Personality clashes, language barriers, scheduling conflicts... I haven't felt like this since middle school. I haven't had problems making friends in such a long time... I've forgotten how I did it.

 

What makes it worse is I feel like I could die in my room and no one would notice. There is no one that I spend time with regularly. No one. To me that is such a weird feeling. When I was in the States there were several people I spent time with on a day to day basis. When one of our friends went missing we went and knocked on their door, we called them on their phone, etc. No one does that here.

 

I also am completely apathetic about my studies here. I don't care about learning Japanese anymore. I can't focus on my homework or studying. I find my mind wandering off to anything besides what I am suppose to do. My major is religion so I am finding myself reading about it and/or watching a lot of documentaries on it. I miss studying religion in America.

 

I do plan to study more Japanese religion. I've been to a lot of major places already. Currently, I'm kind of broke. Which isn't helping all my feelings. I need money to pay rent and buy food. Which I haven't paid my last rent or my current rent. I'm waiting on finical aid... and something tells me I won't get it for a while... like two months.

 

I couldn't sleep for almost four days straight. I took a few hour long naps but that was it. Then I got a headache yesterday afternoon? I can't remember... but I had a headache for two days basically and tried to sleep it off. Now I am finally up and it's 3:40am... on Saturday. I don't know why I couldn't sleep. I can understand a headache after only sleeping maybe 4 to 6 hours in four days.

 

So, has anyone studied abroad and felt like this? Does anyone have any advice at all for me? Nice things to say? Suggestions? I'm going crazy here and anything at this point would be great. Thanks.

 

-Clementine

[alli]

I haven't studied abroad, but I have travelled abroad for 3 weeks & while it was enjoyable sometimes, the majority of the time I was looking forward to returning to my comforts at home (sleeping in my bed, making my coffee, having a real shower).

 

How much longer will you be there? If you don't currently have anything there you find enjoyable, maybe you could see what the local sites are that you might enjoy getting out of your room & seeing?

 

It might not end up being the great experience you were hoping for, but it is still an experience nevertheless & I think you should stick it out. Give it another try making friends. Try it with other people that you haven't had a personality clash with. And remember that one day you will come home for good anyway!

[julioiglesia]

Sorry this is happening to you. specially when you are not fluent in japanese.

well if you want to study japanese religion then you can convert to those religion to make friends or make friends with your classmates or work. or find other westerners

 

personally i don't like japan when it comes to double standards and sexism against women. i heard it was number 1 in the world. or something. which doesn't help your cause.

[COtuner]

This happens to me whenever I move (few dozen times to date). It's normal, and takes time to find a niche to fit in. Are there other foreign students around? They might be feeling the same.

[ClementineK]

I haven't studied abroad, but I have travelled abroad for 3 weeks & while it was enjoyable sometimes, the majority of the time I was looking forward to returning to my comforts at home (sleeping in my bed, making my coffee, having a real shower).

 

How much longer will you be there? If you don't currently have anything there you find enjoyable, maybe you could see what the local sites are that you might enjoy getting out of your room & seeing?

 

It might not end up being the great experience you were hoping for, but it is still an experience nevertheless & I think you should stick it out. Give it another try making friends. Try it with other people that you haven't had a personality clash with. And remember that one day you will come home for good anyway!

 

I will be here for at least 7 more months. I have 3 weeks of school left before they let us out on a 2 month long break. I live in a dorm at my school which is in a surprisingly rural-ish type area. It takes an hour to get to the heart of the closest city. This is my fourth time to Japan. I loved it before. This is my longest stay though. I've seen a lot but around here... I don't think there's much. I'm on top of a mountain. I would go off into the woods but there's wild boar living all around me. I have actually ran into them on a few occasions and just ran away. lol I can't remember how I made friends in the past. I think things just worked... things just clicked. I've even gone out of my way for people here. I've made cookies for people here in hopes that they will be my friend. When I have traveled about Japan I've done the proper thing and bought cakes for my supposed friends. They really, really don't care. I don't think I have ever felt more unwelcome in my entire life. I smoke cigarettes... and in America there's a smoker's circle where I live. I thought for sure there would be something like that here... especially in college, right? No. All the smokers sit with their face shoved into a cellphone with an ear buds crammed into their ears. I've almost completely stopped smoking because it's mostly a social thing for me and I have no one to socialize with. I've just run out of places to turn and who to ask for help. I don't know what else I can do to make these people like me.

 

Thanks for your response, nonetheless.

 

Sorry this is happening to you. specially when you are not fluent in japanese.

well if you want to study japanese religion then you can convert to those religion to make friends or make friends with your classmates or work. or find other westerners

 

personally i don't like japan when it comes to double standards and sexism against women. i heard it was number 1 in the world. or something. which doesn't help your cause.

 

My classmates are other westerners-- who don't like me! There are three other American's here and we don't get along at all. My closest "friend" here is a Korean girl who can't speak a lick of English. I try to communicate with her with my broken Japanese and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. I really wish I could talk to her. I don't think she even realizes how much she means to me. She is one of the very few people who hasn't made fun of me. There is another girl here who is Taiwanese and can speak English pretty well and she likes to pick on me for god only knows why. Every time I use the kitchen she offers me cheese. She's told me to leave the kitchen and also that there was no room for me in the kitchen. First of all, I can't eat cheese. Second of all, I am not fat and I am not taking up a huge amount of room. Although the other Asian girls have told me I look fat. I weight the same amount that I did when I arrived three months ago. 130lbs or around 60kg. The fact that there isn't a single pair of pants in Japan that fits me doesn't help my self-esteem. I keep telling myself that it's not me, it's them. That I'm not fat, they are just too skinny.

 

Anyways, I'm not converting to any religion. Period. I don't have to convert to study it. That's ridiculous. Next, I teach an English class once a week for an hour. I've tried to make friends with my students but they could care less about me. They have their own life and I am just taking up their time.

 

I've heard that Japan is suppose to be sexist too but personally I haven't experienced any sexism from any Japanese. I've experienced it plenty from Americans, though. Especially the Americans that are studying here with me.

 

Thanks for your response, though.

[ClementineK]

This happens to me whenever I move (few dozen times to date). It's normal, and takes time to find a niche to fit in. Are there other foreign students around? They might be feeling the same.

 

There are tons of foreign students around. They prolly are feeling the same however they seem to fall into two categories.

1. They're not so good at Japanese and thereforee have no job so they are always around and for some unknown reason we do not get along.

2. They are great at Japanese and have a job and thereforee are very busy and we get along great when we can communicate.

I'm looking for somebody who's in the middle of those two. I just need a friend who is available to eat lunch with me or something... is it too much to ask? I feel like I am asking a lot especially with the reaction I am getting.

 

 

It's good to hear that it's normal. lol and thanks for your response.

[alli]

Any chance of new people coming into the picture? Or are you stuck with the same people from beginning to end?

[ClementineK]

Any chance of new people coming into the picture? Or are you stuck with the same people from beginning to end?

 

There might be some more people coming in April.

[alli]

There might be some more people coming in April.

 

Well, I would have lunch with you if I was in Japan right now, if it makes you feel any better

[ClementineK]

Well, I would have lunch with you if I was in Japan right now, if it makes you feel any better

 

lol well if you find yourself in Japan in the next 7 months please don't hesitate to look me up. lol

[ElaineBenes]

Hello,

I'm actually studying abroad in Germany at the moment and I've felt like you a few times but my situation is slightly different (very different culture than the Japanese one).

 

I too have been here a little over 3 months and I'm staying until August.

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I guess try handling one problem at a time (eg first the scheduling conflicts or sleeping problems)

 

There was a period...about a month and a half or so when I didn't want to learn German at all. I honestly don't know how I got over it. I think I accepted some things about language and culture and moved past it.

 

I also tutor English at my school but that hasn't resulted in any friendships really.

 

- It can be hard to make friends when language is an issue. I suggest looking at events on bulletin boards in your school. Clubs, parties, volunteering, sports, whatever your thing is. If nothing suits you, look at organizations outside of the school. Then learn how to mingle. Talk to everyone, I mean you really have to be social (I was never asocial but I had to take a more active role for the first time in my life At some point, someone will listen or be interested in something about you.

 

- Stop trying so hard. This sounds a bit cold but you can't make everyone like you. Or anyone! It happens or it doesn't. Just accept it, try to be friendly towards everyone and nice only to the people who deserve it.

 

- If your living situation is pretty bad can you request to get a room change?

 

- try finding ex-pat websites. They make have suggestions about just this thing or even ex-pats in your area.

 

- And finally if you're really that unhappy, book a ticket home. It's not easy moving to another part of the world.

 

And BTW, the less time you spend speaking English the better