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I am only nine days removed from the end of a relationship that meant the world to me, and it seems the ups and downs have trended towards the down after the week anniversary of the breakup passed.

 

I am faking it until I make it though, and appreciate all the kind words on here. Without this site I feel I would be making things much, much, much worse by calling or emailing her, wanting answers that she can't/won't give right now. I post on here when the urge becomes extreme, and it helps to refocus me in a different direction.

 

Here are the steps I am taking to work things out:

 

1) I am going to school. I finished my degree in the fall but wont get my diploma until May. As I am waiting on job offers, I decided to enroll in some classes so that I could keep busy and better myself in the process.

 

2) Counseling. I am taking advantage of the school counseling services as well. There are some deep issues that came up during the breakup that I have avoided dealing with for too long.

 

3) Posting on here. I feel good when one of my posts helps someone. I have also realized through here that I have trouble being happy with myself. I tended to judge my day by how many responses my posts got instead of did the post help me, or someone else. I wasn't looking inside to see what would make me happy, and not make other people happy with me. I went from posting for advice to using ENA to replace her, hoping that the site would fill the void left by the loss of her belief in me, and the withdrawals from the daily affirmations she always provided. The awareness of this before I enter counseling is invaluable. This site has provided a lot of self awareness for me in fact, in addition to genuinely helping me get through the darkest of days

 

4) Exercise - I have gone once and blown off three times of exercising but I am making myself go here in a few. I felt much better the day I did run and know it will help in the future as well

 

5) Writing - This is my passion in life and I had given up on it for too long. By taking it back up I feel good because I am venting my feelings while doing something I love.

 

6) Friends - I have reconnected with a lot of old friends and have been hanging out with new ones. It is hard sometimes because most of my friends live elsewhere, but just the effort puts me in a better mood.

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Just keep pushing forward. You will bounce back and forth between sadness and anger. At some points you will even go into self pity. Till one day you will just wake up and say you know what, I am tired of this crap and you will not care anymore.

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Today was one of those bounce back and forth days. This morning I was so down life didn't seem like worth living (Not suicidal at all! Just didn't see any point at the time) then this afternoon I feel pretty good. The "making it" part will hopefully happen more often as I move forward.

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Hey Singlestill,

 

Think of it like a process. Yes, there will be moments of peace and clarity as time goes on, but, there will also be moments of huge depression and despondency. It's all part of the process of letting go. The moments of calm and peace will continue to increase over the moments of despair. Just keep slogging along. The effort will be worth it in the end. Your reward will be getting past this person and opening yourself up in a free and clear way for someone new, who hopefully, will be a better choice, in the long run.

 

Best to you and to an great new 2009 and happy times ahead.

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