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Listening to Ruff Endz


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Sitting here thinking about everything. While I was taking a bath, I started thinking negative again, but I stopped it. I kept telling myself to "stay positive, stay positive". It can be tough, but I've been doing it. I realize that everyday will be a battle. I'm getting ready to take my TB test to this other healthcare facility and sign off that it's OK for them to mail my job references out! I can't wait! Hopefully I get a job. It's the not the best place in the world, but it's a job and that's all I need right now.


This song is so sweet. It's so uplifting. I'm happy I found it. I slept last night, so I'm as drowsy as I was yesterday and I feel different. I feel a little worried. I think I'm going to have a sip of wine to calm my nerves. A glass of wine a day, will KEEP the doctor away, right? ...


lol....Well, n.e.way, wish me luck!

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What is wrong with me? I always feel so mentally unstable. I'm not crazy or anything, but I feel so 'unwelcomed". I always tell myself that I am going to act "funny" or say something "stupid" or that people are going to think I look mean or that they are going to hate me.. I dont' understand. I was doing OK these past couple of dayz. Everythign seemed to be going OK. One day is alright than the next is very hard to live thru.


I just want to feel OK within myself. I don't want to go somewhere and worry about someone watching me or thinking something about me.


Can I get over this? Will I ever? People are probably goign to read this and think that I am crazy and have a problem. The only problem that I have is within and it's that I am don't feel happy sometimes. Times are hard. I don't have a family, I'm not in school right now becasue I don't have the money, adn Idont have a job.


When is anything going to get easier for me? When will I be able to wake up adn be free from myself? Please GOD help me. I am begging for you to let me be optimistic about things. Give me my personality back again. Give me some peace. Please!

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I'm feeling a lot better. I feel like listening to "someone to love" right now, but my boyfriend is asleep and I can't find the ear phones...


I'm feeling much better than earlier. Maybe I felt that way because of the weather? It really stinks right now. We're under a level 1 winter advisory and it's supposed to be getting worse tomorrow...


I'm looking forward to all the closings to 2morrow. haha.....I should go to bed soon...

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