allypally Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm interested to know what is correct these days. When I broke off the engagement, I gave the ring back in all its lovely packaging. It is a really beautiful ring, and of course I would love to still have it now, but its the principal of the thing. I was making a statement by giving it back, that the value of the ring was less important than my happiness. I have heard countless times about friends who didn't give the ring back despite the relationship having failed, some people have a collection of old engagement rings from ex-fiancees. I don't get this at all. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 The ring represnt a commitment that you will indeed marry that person. The man giving the ring commits to wanting to marry that woman, and the woman commits by accepting the ring. That said, I dont think there is a right solution. I was engaged to a girl for a few years in my 20s. When we decided to split, I let her keep the ring because I couldnt bare having it back and looking at it as a reminder of what I lost. I was married for 4 years recently and when we divorced I insisted on getting the ring back as the stone that was in that ring had belonged to my sister (from an old engagement ring) and I didnt think it was right for my ex to have it. Long story there. I agree with your statement, your happiness is worth more. So if you feel more comfortable not having the ring, then I think you did what is best for you Sorry to hear of your breakup. I hope things workout the way you hope, whatever that may be! Link to comment
allypally Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 My ex is obsessed with money so I let him 'have it' so to speak. After I gave it back to him he went on and on about how much the ring cost and so now he can take it back and get his money back. Either that, or he will give it to his next fiancee as its a very classy ring. Unlike you, he wasn't so upset that he wanted me to keep it though. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Think of it like this. Do you want to have a momento of what could have been for the rest of your life? I dont know what you want as far as working things out with him, but if it is over, I think not having the ring will help you find closure Link to comment
YabbaDabba Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Here's how I, as a female, see this: that ring represents a promise/commitment between two individuals who planned to spend their lives together. But once those plans change, or the promise ends, so does the woman's claim to the ring. Giving it back, in my head, plays out as a symbolic "what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine" situation. I have several friends who say that if they ever encounter this situation, they'll definitely keep the ring. For me, though, there's no way I would. Why would I want a reminder of that broken relationship/promise lying around. *shrug* Just my two cents. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I would give it back if I broke off the engagement. If he broke it off I would either keep it or give it back, depending on the circumstances. I don't really know. If he broke it off and then screwed me over financially with the rent/mortgage or something, hell yeah I'd keep it. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I don't understand how you can keep it either. Wouldn't it be like holding onto hope that one day it will go back on your finger? Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I don't understand how you can keep it either. Wouldn't it be like holding onto hope that one day it will go back on your finger? Nah if I kept it for any reason, I'd sell it for sure. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 i think if you call off an engagement you should give the ring back...if you were married i think you can keep the ring... Link to comment
alli Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 When I broke off an engagement I gave it back. I loved the ring & even paid for half of it, but i had to give it back because it was the only way to get it through his head that we were over. Sometimes I wish I still had it, I almost felt attached to it, apart from him. If I still had it I might have worn it on my other hand occasionally. I think he might've tried to mail it back to me shortly after the breakup. He sent me something in the mail but didn't put enough postage on it for the postal service to deliver it to me; they just gave me a note that said I could go to the post office, give them the 10 cents owed on the postage & get my mail. I never went, I was just done. Sometimes I wonder if that was it... Link to comment
thedude27 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 i think if you call off an engagement you should give the ring back...if you were married i think you can keep the ring... I agree with this. Also if it was an anniversary/birthday/christmas/etc gift you can keep it. I think its kind of cheesy to keep a ring given to be a symbol of your marriage if you didnt actually marry him. Now if you marry and get divorced I think you have the right to keep it. Link to comment
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