First Cousins

[skinny]

I wanted to share a recent experience I had and get some input from other people on this. I will start my story by saying I was raised in a single-parent home. The other parent was absent most of my life and I had little contact with that side of my family. I knew my first cousin somewhat growing up but we didnt really interact. When I was a teenager I tried to develop a relationship with my absentee parent and that side of my family. I spent more time where they lived and as a result I spent more time with my first cousin of opposite gender. I felt an attraction to my cousin. We spent long hours hanging out, enjoying each others' company and then late one night when everyone had gone to sleep we were watching a movie together. There was some physical contact but nothing beneath the clothing or in "private places". There was definitely a sexual vibe to the situation, though.

 

The years passed and we never talked about it and we saw very little of each other as i again became distanced from my other parent. Recently my grandparent passed away which brought me closer to my parent and I was again at that cousin's house. We began texting one night after the rest of the family went to sleep and we spoke about how close things had gotten the last time. We then decided to speak about it in person and I went to my cousin's room. That night the sexual tension was high and things became intimate.

 

We have carried on a private sexual relationship for months now. No one knows about any of this. Neither of us have a desire to tell any of our family or friends. We are not looking to carry this beyond the sexual attraction. We meet once or more a month to engage in sex and that's it. I realize it's not illegal for us to continue to have sex. Some people think it is immoral while others think it is a common occurrence. I have even heard it is similar to a form of Genetic Sexual Attraction. Any thoughts or opinions whether positive or negative?? I'm not sure where i stand on the situation right now but I dont feel as though I am being immoral. I have no desire to tell family and friends for fear of being ostracized but is that because I feel I am doing something wrong or just because I dont want to be an outcast?

[sff123]

You're going to get a lot of hate for this but if you'r wearing a condom i dont see how anyone can complain, and even if you're not it's definitely a philosophically debatable position.

[addictedblue]

Welcome to ENA!

 

If you had said you had done sexual things and then found out you were cousins, that's one thing. But since you have always known that one of your parents is a sibling to one of his parents, it is kind of weird that you would look at each other sexually. But you already know that, because you haven't told anyone and are posting on an anonymous forum. You'll get mixed answers. I personally don't think cousins should be having sex with each other. So you're attracted to each other, so what. I think you should control the impulses and date and have sex with someone who isn't blood related to you. Not trying to be harsh or put you down or anything, I'm just giving my honest opinion.

[staircase]

As long as there is no harm done, to yourself or your cousin and you are being responsible with protection, then I see no problem with it.

[Davie]

Ok... well I have never felt this kind of attraction to my own cousin. So yours must be pretty fine! haha.

 

Well I have mixed views on this topic I suppose.

 

I believe it is somewhat unorthadox, whilst at the same time I believe in people’s independent views. So if it's what you want, why should I tell you not to? Although I do reccomend you use condoms for this!

[Rattlehead]

considering your limited relationship with your cousin in the past i think it would be completely normal to be attracted into each other in your situation

 

also considering that marrying a first cousin is legal in 20 states and the district of columbia it all comes down to personal views

 

in your situation i see nothing wrong with what you are doing, and as long as you and her are okay with it then i say enjoy yourselves

 

i'd be more concerned with just keeping things sexual, because as it is well known that rarely works out for the best

 

sex buddies often end up with one or both parties feelings hurt at some point

[purpleduckie]

just because you have FEELINGS doesn't mean you should act on it. You are doing something wrong (in my opinion... I didn't grow up with most of my cousins, also single parent and i won't lie and say i haven't found my cousins hot but to act on it, is another matter). The fact that you would jeopardize the possibility of being found out by your entire FAMILY for sex tells me you have little self control. You should work on that.

[Tezza]

It's kinda ew, but not unheard of. If you trace the British royal family back, some of them married their first cousins...

 

As long as you are both consenting adults then I don't think that there is anything wrong with what your doing. I think that both of you should be more concerned about what your families are going to think if they found out...

[Davie]

British royal family

 

God save the Queen.

[jsx730]

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you use protection. I'd just make sure to keep it 100% sexual and don't let either of you develop feelings. Since you don't see your family very often it doesn't sound like this will create much problem if it does get out. Do your best to keep it under wraps though.

[blue69]

It has been going on since the beginning of humankind. Not original, not the first one to do it. Not necessarily abnormal. You both might be feeling the effects of the heightening of arrousal based on doing something that is considered taboo.

 

Just be careful. If the relationship ever progressed you would want to discuss the relationship with a doctor. They could help ensure safety in planning for a family and such.

 

Otherwise please keep in mind that these type of secrets usually come out at some point in time. Be prepared.

 

Good luck.

[Mutley]

Yea...the only consequence to this sort of thing is the social taboo.

[7ate9]

Yea...the only consequence to this sort of thing is the social taboo.

 

Speaking of taboo, I would question what makes you so attracted to each other in the first place that you can't be with someone else instead who is not blood related?

[purpleduckie]

Yea...the only consequence to this sort of thing is the social taboo.

 

no, it's not. it's biologically screwed up.

you just don't do it with your cousins!

 

 

if and IF she does get pregnant, then what? that's a risk for any sexual relationships but in this case, your kid will have a very high chance of being deformed. can you take that chance? biologically speaking, we aren't even supposed to be attracted to our cousins. i could get into that, but i think it's pretty much common knowledge!

 

royal family have so many mentally retarded/screwed up people!!

this inbreeding business is WRONG and it isn't even a matter of "opinion".

[SpeedingCars]

I think it's disgusting and weird.

 

But please just keep using protection... the last thing you wanna do is get pregnant and... yeah. Awwwwkward.

 

When do you plan on ceasing these sexual activities? What happens then? Won't it be tense at family parties?

 

I think you run a huge risk of getting caught and that's really bad.

[Mutley]

no, it's not. it's biologically screwed up.

you just don't do it with your cousins!

 

Actually, I think that's a myth.

 

But, I'm not going to argue the point or present research to back it up...because frankly, it's not that important to me.

[civilservant]

No it's not a myth. They share one DNA strand in 4 due the shared grandparents. This may cause serious birth defects.

[hiphop3]

No it's not a myth. They share one DNA strand in 4 due the shared grandparents. This may cause serious birth defects.

 

right. so that should be some sign that it isn't meant to happen.

[skinny]

Speaking of taboo, I would question what makes you so attracted to each other in the first place that you can't be with someone else instead who is not blood related?

 

I appreciate your comments. I would like to respond to this and say that we are very attracted to each other. I cant explain why the attraction is there but it hasn't deterred either of us from having relations with other people. And yes to all of you that are asking we are playing it very safe because we do understand the implications of what could happen. Neither of us want that in our lives right now especially with each other. We understand each other, we relate to each other and we can be around each other in family functions and not feel weird or awkward. We play it cool, if you will, when we are around other people. There are no emotions involved and I have made certain that there's a mutual understanding there isnt to be any emotion involved. As harsh as it sounds you could describe it as somewhat of a "booty call" type of situation. Both of us are satisfied with that arrangement and we agreed that if at any point we are no longer satisfied with those conditions we will terminate immediately with understanding and no hard feelings.

[penelope13]

the acceptability of first cousin relationships is highly dependent on the culture and has changed various times over history.

 

from a biological point of view: consanguinity increases the risk of recessive genes manifesting in an overt phenotype.

 

since in european history, royal family members were supposed to marry "blue blooded"

individuals, the choice was limited and they had to marry within a very specific (relatively small) genetic pool. Since this has been going on for many generations, there was a real accumulation of the same recessive genes thus increasing the risk of a number of diseases.

 

within the animal kingdom there are many examples where the choice of mating partners is clearly linked to the animals recognizing and avoiding genetically close relatives, while there are as many examples where the genetic closeness doesn't play a role at all.

 

So while from a biological point there is a benefit in trying to avoid too closely related partners, from a social point it is totally up to you and your own cultural/ moral convictions

[laisla]

being with a first cousins is illegal in some places, but not all. i do not think it is morally wrong to like your cousin, even marry one. they do it in a lot of cultures.

 

HOWEVER, keeping a private sexual relationship like this, can be harmful....do you really want to continue doing this?

[JadedStar]

This is one of those things that you will have to know is socially not accepted if you live in America, I don't know aobut other cultures, only my own. Here you will likely be ostracized, as I am assuming you know, hence you are keeping it private. Your family likely will be very upset about finding this out. That said, it is your life to live, but you will have to know that it will bring about difficulties beyond what other relationships might have. This is true for many types of relationships - dating outside of one's race can do this as can same sex relationships. This doesn't make them wrong, it just means they are not as easily accepted. It is socially taboo and not everyone is strong enough to take on society with things like this, you have to ask yourself if you are.

 

It will take the two of you having a very thick skin to reveal this publicly because you will take quite a bashing I am sure from most or maybe all of your family members.

 

I doubt many people have never found a cousin attractive. You hear guys all the time say 'my cousin is slammin hot' but that doesn't mean they act on it. You chose to, thus it will likely bring repercussions. I had attractive cousins but knew that acting on that was not even an option for me. They simply were just attractive people but were not in my dating pool.

 

Marrying a first cousin in many states is illegal, so maybe that will help answer your question if you were wondering about taking it further in the future.

[skinny]

I would just like to respond and reiterate that NO we are not interested in taking it further. We are not interested in anything outside of sex with each other. We understand it isnt socially acceptable in America and that is why we arent going public about it to our family or friends. And in response to la'isla having sex with your cousin isn't illegal in the United States because law enforcement cannot interfere in private bedroom acts and because we aren't having children and we are using contraceptives there is no endangerment issues to any future offspring (because there will be none). I know this because of course I have done my research. I'm not doing anything illegal just wondering how many people have thought about it from this type of situation.

 

Jaded you say you have heard people say "my cousin is slammin hot" well have you ever thought about your cousins being hot? Has anyone looked at their cousin and said "damn you fine?" I'd like to pose a couple questions to all the readers:

 

1) Have you ever thought about your cousin or other relative in a sexual way?

 

2) What are your thoughts behind the theory of Genetic Sexual Attraction that states that we are attracted to people similar to us? We recognize the beauty we see in our relatives because it is reflection of beauty we see in ourselves. Any thoughts?

 

I'd be really interested to see what other perspectives are out there as far as this. I'd challenge all of you to be open and honest if not in your responses at least to yourself. I also want to add the sex with my cousin is really good. Yes i'm sure part of it is because of the added excitement of the "taboo" but also because it is purely sex based on strong sexual attraction. It's exciting because I find my cousin exciting. When we are together I truly enjoy myself. We have fun in the cousins role and in the sexual partners role.

[ran81]

I've never thought of my cousins in a sexual way but do admit that some of them are indeed hot. one of them used to work at Hooters and was on the dance team in high school and she is gorgeous and my friends think she is totally hot. however i would never EVER do anything sexual with her.

[HeartBrokn]

I have a third cousin that is very hot and have thought of her in a sexual way. I don't think I would ever pursue her sexually. In my view and my family's it would be crazy taboo. However, I think what you are doing is perfectly fine if you guys are both ok with the arrangement. I think it's awesome that you guys have that relationship. Again, I think it would be odd if it went anywhere past that.