4 months later, need advice! ;p

[lucasky]

Okay!

 

So this is my first time posting here... and I guess its because school is starting again, and when I feel stressed, I get sad about my ex.

 

We dated for 2.5 years, most of which was long distance, we were first loves.

I went overseas for a month, things seemed to be going well, except he started hanging out with a new girl while I was gone, and slowly but surely, I could see him falling for her. I visited him when I got back, and after four days of him flirting with this girl online while I watched, I dumped him - only to ask him if he agreed with the breakup, and when he said yes, I admitted I did it because I could tell he wanted to, then proceeded to beg for him back.

 

He cried and cried about breaking and, and when I left to board my plane home (3hrs north of him), he told me he loved me. I asked "do you really" he said "yes I do" and kissed me.

 

For the first two weeks he kind of seemed to miss me - kept referring to things in our past, telling me how much his mom missed me and liked me. Then I told him I couldnt keep talking to him like that if we wernt together and went NC. He went on a date with the new girl, and then began dating her.

 

They have now been together four months. I have been NC for about two months, after telling him I had began dating a new guy (I didnt). I assume they're together, but I have no evidence really. I checked his myspace for the first time today - he only logs on about once every two weeks, and his status says single. Now, when we were together, it said single too, his argument being he never logged on myspace, I dropped it, but when we broke up I told him how inappropriate I felt that was. His status remains set to single with his girlfriend.

 

 

Okay! Sorry if that was long. I just need input I guess... is this a rebound, or not? Could he possibly miss me? I suspect he had emotionally detached from the relationship long before the break up - and I have accepted that for a long time now. I THOUGHT I had got over this relationship about a month and a half ago when I came to terms with things. Now that school has started up I guess I'm... hoping for another explaination.

 

 

Anyways, if anyone can give their spin on this, its greatly appreciated, even if it is "he was done a long time ago, move on". By the way, in posting this I feel completely emotionless towards my ex. I don't want him back its just... a bit of a mindbender to me HOW things just switched one day, thats all. I'm still over the guy emotionally... I'm just not done trying to figure out what he was thinking. lol

[davejsy]

I guess you would have heard from him if he was still missing you alot. You sound quite young and things and people change quit fast when your young. Your bound to miss him from time to time, especially as you were first loves. Your doing the right thing going NC, you never know what the future holds though.

 

Good luck.

[lucasky]

Haha well I don't know how young I sound, but to clarify, I am 20 (in college). Maybe by saying school it sounded like highschool? I'm finishing up my degree so things are pretty stressful.

 

Anyways, you're right that people change a lot while they're young, and I cannot really think of a time or place in the future where my ex and I could get back together - we're simply not compatible. I suppose that, though I've realized what him and I had was not working, I'm still dealing with rejection as I put a lot into that relationship.

 

Thanks for the response, he has not even tried to remotely contact me, so I know its over. I guess at the end of the day, I miss him - not necessarily the relationship, but just chatting. Sadly, we are not at a point where we can talk candidly.

[ladybug726]

According to the GIGS/Rebound thread, I would say this could be a GIGS case. I understand being over someone but still wanting to wrap your head around what happened. Unfortunately there are usually no answers to all the questions we have, or at least they remain unanswered until much later. It's maddening. But I'd say this is probably fairly common with LD relationships. Sort of happened with two different LTRs of mine, both which ended up being LDRs. The first one I lost interest and fell for someone else, the second I think he did (which ended up being a GIGS relationship, lol).

 

Just for reference, GIGS stands for grass is greener syndrome...

 

I also want to say, try to accept that there are no real answers to your questions.

[davejsy]

you'll be fine Lucasky, you sound pretty smart. Even when you've accepted its over your still going to miss that person like crazy, just proves your human! Your going to miss that closeness, that connection you had. I don't think this goes (although it fades), until you meet someone else - thats just my opinion though. . .

[lucasky]

Thanks for the reply Ladybug. I guess I know deep down there may never be real answers to all my questions - a few months ago I discovered the only closure there really is, is the closure you allow yourself to have, when you stop asking questions and sincerely attempt to move on. Like I said, I suspect this... sudden resurgence of a need to have my questions answered comes as a result of being back in school, being bombarded with papers, and my mind just seeks something else to over analyze that isn't school work. ;p

 

Dave, I've just got a quick question with regards to your response. You mentioned how the waves of missing someone, in your line of thought, don't really go away until you meet someone new. I get that feeling myself, but I keep hoping I can escape that fate. Is there no way to simply stop missing your ex's, while being single? I hope so! That is what I'm searching for. lol

[davejsy]

tricky question with many answers I guess. Some people do seem perfectly happy on their own, but the happiest people seem to be in relationships. Me personnally I miss having someone to love, and everything that goes with that, I also miss not having someone to share the good things in life with. Ok I have family and friends and pets that I love dearly, but it's obviously not the same sort of love.

I think it's easier when your younger to be single, so time is on your side. The more things you can do, ie go out with friends, hang out with family more, take up some hobbies and stuff, all this will help take your mind of your ex - but even then you are bound to have times you feel lonely, and this inevitably will lead back to thoughts of your ex. All this said you need to be sufficiently over them before you should date again, you need to be happy in yourself. Thinking back I was quite happy and single when I was 20! But then I'd never had a serious relationship, so guess I didn't know what I was missing.

 

Go out and have some fun!

[drewciouS281]

sounds exactly like what happened with my ex and i after we broke up. you know what i did to fix that? we met up almost a year later, had a talk and had some drinks casually and talked about things for closure purposes. we both now have happily moved on! sounds like this is what you need. closure and to understand why what happened happened.