ryan2000 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 approx 27 days and i caved................ Sent her an e-mail saying Hi, hope your well.............. and i miss my best friend. Good one Ryan. Good one................. God your an IDIOT! ](*,) Link to comment
mags_7531 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I feel for you so much! I know how hard it is to resist the urge to contact and thinking you will feel better the second you send a message. Only to find yourself feeling even worse after. Hang in there, and i guess all you can do now is see if she replies and act accordingly. Link to comment
hereagain Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Try not to beat yourself up about it. Believe me, each and everyone of us has been there at some point in our lives. Did you get a response back? Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 aww... it's okay Ryan, it's sooooooooooooo hard!! it's okay... what you did was fine... it's to be expected. It's so hard to walk away from someone we cared deeply about. I think NC is good, but at times it does break... because we are human and it's only nature to want human contact... especially with the one we love. Just don't email her again, or she might bite back with something not so nice and that's when it really hurts. I was about 15 days when I first broke NC... then I went almost 30 days NC... until I confronted him and had my say I knew he would never call, and I deserved my closure and I got it and I've felt so much better since. ... but without my struggle with NC, I might have gone over there earlier and may not have been given the chance to speak... so NC was good. Hang in there.... it will get better... and don't beat yourself up... after all that's what you had your ex for , LOL!! j/k Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 We either all do this, or come extremely close to it. You are not an idiot, it's done, try to let go of your self-recriminations. But do remember that she knows where you are. I completely understand the need to cast a line our there in the hope of getting a nibble from her, but you also need to fight the urge and remember no good will come of it. If she is going to come back she will. You can't bring it about. Sorry. The need will lessen, but hearing that right now doesn't help, I know. Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks for your kind words people. I am really trying to get over this. Next month would have been a year - What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't i just move on and accept it? Am i mental? I've gone through Therapy, re-bounds, joined a gym, taken up hobbies, kept a journal, had a 'Spiritual' theapy session................ gotten drunk, beaten myself in the head, smashed furniture, cried................ blah blah blah! What the hell do i need to do to move on? ](*,) GOD I need a beer! Link to comment
franfran Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 What the hell do i need to do to move on? Acceptance! You'll find it sooner or later. Good luck and we are here for you Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks for your kind words people. I am really trying to get over this. Next month would have been a year - What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't i just move on and accept it? Am i mental? I've gone through Therapy, re-bounds, joined a gym, taken up hobbies, kept a journal, had a 'Spiritual' theapy session................ gotten drunk, beaten myself in the head, smashed furniture, cried................ blah blah blah! What the hell do i need to do to move on? ](*,) GOD I need a beer! have you tried any support groups? Codependent's Annoymous is a great support group for people who struggle with not being able to let go of people, places, things, emotions, you name it!! and like FranFran said... acceptance. ... and if you go to a Codependent's Annoymous meeting, you will learn the art of acceptance and you will learn how you don't have control over alot of things... and with giving up control, you learn to accept... whereby you are free to live your life as it is willed to you... not what you think shoud be willed to you. Don't fight destiny... it's doesn't work and you always lose. Link to comment
jcoven02 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks for your kind words people. I am really trying to get over this. Next month would have been a year - What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't i just move on and accept it? Am i mental? I've gone through Therapy, re-bounds, joined a gym, taken up hobbies, kept a journal, had a 'Spiritual' theapy session................ gotten drunk, beaten myself in the head, smashed furniture, cried................ blah blah blah! What the hell do i need to do to move on? ](*,) GOD I need a beer! Give it time. 27 days is nothing. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 approx 27 days and i caved................ Sent her an e-mail saying Hi, hope your well.............. and i miss my best friend. Good one Ryan. Good one................. God your an IDIOT! ](*,) 27 days isnt long enough to get over someone you love. Dont be so hard on yourself. You messed up but who hasnt? You're only human. Did she respond to you? Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 27 days honestly felt like a lifetime.......... No, she hasn't replied as yet. Link to comment
susiesad Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 By sending an email, text or whatever, all you do is throw yourself back to square one. Put them back in your thoughts, wondering "will she reply", "what is she thinking"....the longer NC, the more they will be become erradicated from our everyday thoughts. Stick with it. We've all broken NC at some point, and so know exactly where it lands us. Its like having a ciggie after 27 of no smoking...back to square one. Stick with NC, in a few months she will be history I promise!! x Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 NC sucks, but unless you can happily be friends with the ex (which is impossible if you still love them), then it is the only way to heal properly. I'm a month NC now, and am slowly starting to feel better, although there has been and will be very difficult times. Good luck buddy. Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yup.......... No reply. You can only imagine how i feel now huh? Hmmm...... 13 years and nuthin....wont even respond to an e-mail saying "Hi". Let this be a lesson to you kiddies............. Link to comment
crab62 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 wait ryan, you were with her 13 years? Link to comment
gee Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 GOD I need a beer! Hahaha. We all do sometimes man. Hang in there you will make it! Stay positive or go smashed your head agianst some furniture. hahaha. JK! gee Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 wait ryan, you were with her 13 years? Yup....... 13 years. How do you right-off 13 years like they were nothing???? Link to comment
jdh Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yup....... 13 years. How do you right-off 13 years like they were nothing???? You don't. Nobody does. You don't know what she's thinking or how she's dealing with it. But you can know she hasn't forgotten 13 years of her life like they never happened - not without a head injury of some sort anyways! She remembers and I'm sure it's not as easy for her as she makes it seem. Link to comment
shygirl1212 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 ryan, please don't beat yourself up about this. It's okay. You're human. We sometimes "cave in" to our weakness. You're vulnerable, like MANY of this. Please don't be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. 13 years is a VERY LONG time and it's understandable that you are going through an extremely difficult time right now. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 27 days is NOTHING... especially following a 13 year relationship! Stop being so hard on yourself. And come on... its not like you said "I love you I miss you I'm gonna DIE WITHOUT YOOOOOU!!" Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 FINALLY heard back from her. She appologised for taking so long to get back to me. She said she just wanted to make it through the holiday season for her to clear her head before she contacted me again. It's my sisters engagement party in two weeks, which she has been invited too, and she said she might see me there. I replied with an in-depth letter (probably not the best idea, but i couldn't give a stuff at this point. I know what i want out of this and refuse to NOT lay it all out). The letter basically said that i'm sorry i acted needy and possesive by 'Chasing' you so hard, and that i am REALLY trying to support you./......but it's hard when i still love you so much. I told her that i miss our friendship (13 years with your best friend for god sake) but will try and respect her feelings and need for space. I still believe she still loves me and wants to be with me. But i also believe that she needs to find herself and discover who she is 'Without' me. It was always "Ryan & Leyla" with us........ we were never individuals. Bloody hell i wish i knew what to do....... i'm just so clueless. What's worse is the fact that i have decided to move to the UK for a year..... just to get away............... AND.........to top it all off - i got asked out for a drink by an absolutly STUNNING girl last night. Somebody who is WAY out of my leauge. This is giving me a headache. Link to comment
ljp Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hang in there. We;ve all been where you are. Some of us are in a worse place. I had to go NC today after a month or so of LC. It really does suck, but every day longer you go, the btter you feel overall. Just start over and accept you made a mistake. We're all human and make mistakes. Its not fatal. Link to comment
gee Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 AND.........to top it all off - i got asked out for a drink by an absolutly STUNNING girl last night. Somebody who is WAY out of my leauge. This is giving me a headache. Ryan, go out with the stunning girl. Give it a try. Go and have some fun man. As for your ex's reply, I say, continue to give her space and let her sort things out on her own. Don't distract her..shhhh! Good luck amigo. gee Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 What's worse is the fact that i have decided to move to the UK for a year..... just to get away............... AND.........to top it all off - i got asked out for a drink by an absolutly STUNNING girl last night. Somebody who is WAY out of my leauge. I think this sounds great. Go to the UK, it will be such a great experience, and if the thing with Leyla works out after all you can always come back. You might need to experience life on your own as well. None of this is set in stone, just give yourself a chance to do something different. Link to comment
ryan2000 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Ryan, go out with the stunning girl. Give it a try. Go and have some fun man. As for your ex's reply, I say, continue to give her space and let her sort things out on her own. Don't distract her..shhhh! Good luck amigo. gee Well, i was thinking about it.............. but i'm still so madly in-love with my ex.......so i'd be cheating myself and not showing respect to her (this new girl) Plus. i added her on FaceBook and WOW............she is a stunner. WAY WAY out of my leauge. And she's 5 years younger than me............ so i don't know. Caro - that's pretty much the reason i'm doing it. Yes - i am runing away, but the way you describe it sounds better. Link to comment
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