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After struglling with my healing during the last two years, things got instantly better when I knew my ex was with someone else. I guess I was holding myself to these tiny hopes which were delaying my healing.

It was strange, right in the moment I saw them together I felt sad and disapointed for a few hours, but then I felt much better. I found myself thinking that the nightmare was over and I could get some rest in my mind.

 

Since the New Year's Eve, when I saw them, I don't think so much about her, and when I do, I don't feel any particular emotion, I only feel a deep joy and excitement because now I can close this chapter of my life and start a new one.

 

I've been in NC for two years, with intermitent and minimal contacts but I still don't want to meet her in person. I don't find NC so important now, when I think about it is like I don't care what she thinks or what will happen if I do this or that...I just don't want to meet her and I have the power to do whatever I want.

 

Today I see that we have different views about life, maybe she was right when she used that as one of the reasons to break-up with me. I'm really tempted to use that now to say that we can't be friends but that would not be true. I don't want to be her friend because I associate her to really bad moments, when I see her I feel so unconfortable.

 

I still have some feelings for her, but as I said before, it's just that. Any other particular emotion comes with it, except the acceptance that things didn't worked out between us and, unfortunately, never will, even at the friendship level. Our relationship brought me more bad that good moments and that balance is being reflected in my toughts, feelings and atittudes towards her.

The most important today is that I don't care what she thinks about it.

 

M&M

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Ok I'm gonna call BS on this. If you were healed you wouldn't be posting.

 

I'm posting because I am so happy and relieved 'cause I feel so good and my mind is light...it seems a huge burden got out of my back.

And I wanted to share this with you at ENA because all people here are great and have been a strong support in the last 2 years.

 

M&M

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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