If I were to sit down at a cafe with a woman

[sfboi415]

and begin talking to her, how would she distinguish between regular conversation and flirty conversation?

 

If I use one compliment and then continue to talk, that's not flirting enough. So what should add in my conversation when the focus is on her or something that interests her?

[Scorpion Fury]

you don't wanna be over the top when you first meet someone

[ghost69]

body language

smile

laugh

tell jokes

tell her she is funny, smart, etc.

ask for her number

[nurse1986]

You don't wanna come on too strong...I don't think a "cafe" persay is the right place to flirt...especially if you plan on getting a response...

[alli]

Eye contact & actively listening to what she says. Those are actually points you would use to become a good conversationalist but they also apply here. The best sign you can use to express interest is to ask for her number! Or if you already have it for some reason, ask to meet again. For dinner.

[ghost69]

You don't wanna come on too strong...I don't think a "cafe" persay is the right place to flirt...especially if you plan on getting a response...

 

any place is fair game. sure it's all situational where you are at. you shouldn't come on too strong anywhere though. but you need to show your interest.

[Pocket Rocket]

Hang on, you mean you're at a café and you randomly approach a woman and invite yourself over to her table? That's a big no no my friend. At the very least you need something to strike up a conversation before you even think of sitting down. Like if she's reading a book and you know about it, strike up a conversation about that. Be polite, say excuse me of course. Or pretend like you know nothing about coffee while you're waiting in the queue next to her and sheepishly ask for an opinion Mind you though, if a woman is sitting down at a café by herself chances are she wants to be alone and won't welcome any advances.

 

If it's someone you know, leaning in shows interest, but not too close. Look her in the eyes than down at her mouth, back to the eyes - body language for 'i''m interested in you'. Do not look at her chest, it's crass. Ask her about her life, nothing too personal though. You want to ask the kind of questions where you can introduce something about yourself. observe:

 

You: So where did you go on your last trip?

Her: I spent some time in italy.

You: Italy? Wow, I've always wanted to go, I've heard it's such a beautiful place, what did you think of it?

 

etc

 

use humour but be careful not to insult her. Some people's toes are trod on more easily than others. Good luck!

[nurse1986]

^what she said definitely. The key to a great convo is to avoid using the word "I" as much as possible and do more listening than talking....Also, don't answer questions with just a yes or no...Be creative and elaborate on things...It spices things up.....

[hmdreamer7]

Sometimes it's not what you say - it could be how you say it, or even what you don't say. If she mentions something to you that she has an interest in, ask her questions about it. That shows her that you're interested in her interests, which makes you seem more interesting to her! Be a great listener. Also, the kind of body language you use can say a lot. Face your body towards her, look her in the eye, and smile.

[ghost69]

i don't think the OP meant inviting himself to their table.

[Pocket Rocket]

i don't think the OP meant inviting himself to their table.

 

well you never know, I've had a couple of 'surprise visits' while out by myself

[sfboi415]

That's not what I would do. The situation I describe is during a pre-planned date.

 

What I'm interested in is what are good examples of "breaking away" from the regular conversation with her with small flirtatious comments.

 

A compliment is an easy way, and it works but people give people compliments all of the time. And guy-friends are notorious for giving the women of their dreams too many compliments.

 

So naturally I'll compliment her, but it won't be over the top. However that's not all in my Bag O' Tricks, right?

 

So on the second date or second encounter, what's the best way to gradually segue into more flirtatious conversation?

[Imprecision]

That's not what I would do. The situation I describe is during a pre-planned date.

 

What I'm interested in is what are good examples of "breaking away" from the regular conversation with her with small flirtatious comments.

 

Many men believe that they must flirt a lot to succeed with women. This is not true. A few spontaneous flirtatious exchanges are enough.

 

Flirting is like the flowers of a tree. Your character is like the roots. Pretty flowers are nice, but strong roots are more important.

 

You can't attract a girl by flirting alone. Girls are attracted to flirtatious guys because they are fun, social, and outgoing, not because they can flirt per se.

 

The key to ending the date well (e.g. getting laid) is to have fun on the date. Be decisive and assertive. If you're decisive and assertive, then the girl will be attracted to you. Throughout the date, her comfort level with you will rise. At the end of the date, lead her to your house. If she's comfortable enough to go to your bedroom, you should seat her down on your bed. Then, you should make a move on her.

 

(1) The last tip is to talk. Talk about anything. What are conversations? Conversations are give and take. You tell a story, then she tells a story, and then you tell a story again.

 

(2) It's also important to stand out. There are two ways to stand out, through either similarities or differences. An example of similarities is when you share many common values with her. An example of differences is when you come from a different world from her.

[ghost69]

That's not what I would do. The situation I describe is during a pre-planned date.

 

What I'm interested in is what are good examples of "breaking away" from the regular conversation with her with small flirtatious comments.

 

A compliment is an easy way, and it works but people give people compliments all of the time. And guy-friends are notorious for giving the women of their dreams too many compliments.

 

So naturally I'll compliment her, but it won't be over the top. However that's not all in my Bag O' Tricks, right?

 

So on the second date or second encounter, what's the best way to gradually segue into more flirtatious conversation?

 

oh, well, yeah flirt with her.

[sfboi415]

Imprecision, what do you mean by "be decisive and assertive?"

 

And what are those "few spontaneous flirtatious exchanges?"

 

That's basically what I want to know. All the other stuff about ending the date is great advice but it's not what I'm looking for.

 

I am trying to think of other "flirtatious exchages" other than compliments.

[Imprecision]

Have you read my Sexual innuendoes and teasing - examples and principles?

 

It deals with flirting.

 

In my experience, teasing is the easiest way to flirt. The easiest way to tease is to pretend to have doubts.

 

E.g.

 

Girl: I'm studying psychology.

Me: What? Psychology - That's no good.

 

At this point, the girl will either (1) explain why psychology is good, despite popular opinions to the contrary, or (2) ask you what you mean by "That's no good."

 

If (2), you might say, "It's just so divorced from real life. Statistics are sometimes cool. But you can't apply it. I like the older works better, like William James."

 

Then, she might argue with you a bit.

 

The content of the interaction doesn't matter. The form generally goes like this:

 

1. You express doubts about her statements.

2. She explains herself.

3. You come round a little.

 

For 3., you might say something like, "I guess that's kind of true."

 

This is also known as qualification, because she's jumping through the hoop for you. You're qualifying her (e.g. testing her by expressing doubts) to see if she's eligible to date you.

 

Flirting is mostly qualification. Qualification has two functions:

 

1. To express interest. If interest is lacking, you wouldn't bother qualifying someone.

2. To draw out a person without committing yourself. If you're high-value, then you would naturally want to test potential mates to see if they are good enough for you.

 

When qualification takes on sexual undertones, then flirting is all the more apparent.

 

Me: I love being friends with you. We two would never work out as a couple.

Girl: Why?

Me: Sometimes, beautiful people are incompatible for each other.

 

Notice in this case, you slipped in a hidden compliment.

[sfboi415]

So to start off with a qualifying statement..

 

I could start off with movies, TV shows, certain forms of music, career plans, or other personal tastes (I'll exclude food though) and pretend to "disagree" with her choices.

[sfboi415]

But THEN, it might develop into a debate, which is what I don't exactly want...