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my story and trouble.. please give me some advice

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October of 2008 I recently started talking with a gentlemen who was 24 years old and lived out in Minnesota. He plays in a band and I live out in NJ. We instantly connected. We texted each other non stop always.. and even would call each other always.


We fell so fast and so quick. He always would tell me sweet things and constantly be there for me. But as of lately things have taken a turn.. He no longer is in Minnesota because the band he is in had to move back to California.


I had made many attempts to finally go and see him. But they have failed because of personal problems. I lost my cousin, and was very sick for quite some time. He takes this as I am lying and I am just making up excuses now not to see him. He said if I do not see him that he will stop talking to me and make me feel like an idiot. I never felt so pressured in my life. He has turned into a completely different man.


He also has a drinking problem that he won't admit to. He goes out every night. He is a total ladies man and I am afraid that I could be getting my heart played with in the mean time. When we first started talking there was one warning sign I picked up on and that was that he had no idea how many women he had slept with. I am a virgin myself. I have never slept with anyone. This whole relationship has me so distraught and destroyed.


The past two days have been absolute hell and I can't even get him to talk to me on the phone for more then five minutes without getting mad at me or just not wanting to talk at all.


He has made me feel so hysterical around his friends that I don't even want to meet them when I go to see him.


He also said he was telling me he loved me (been telling me this all up to two nights ago) just to make me happy because he is a "nice" guy. I really do love him, and this is not the same person I fell in love with. He tells me I am crazy because I have not met him yet and I can't really love someone without meeting them.


I feel like I am losing my mind over this.


Last night we talked and he blew me off and went to the bar and usually is good at sending me atleast a text and didnt text me at all. I called his phone and he never answered. am I crazy to think he could be at the bar talking to other girls? since he seems to show no interest in my in the past two days.


I am suppose to goto California on Saturday but I am afraid to see him. I am afraid of being hurt again. I sat up all night crying. He won't even apologize to me for calling me a liar or anything. I try telling him I will not come if he continues to act like this. Am I out of line? Am I crazy for loving someone I never met? Am I wrong if I don't go see him till he changes his ways? What am I doing wrong? Is it me.. I don't know


I need some advice here..


we will probably talk later. I don't know how I should justify seeing him with how I feel.. i try but he just gets mad and wants to go.

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First of all I would like to say I'm sorry for the situation your going through. Relationships are diffcult situations sometimes. But, I don't think it was fair of him to call you a lair at all. He says he loves all that kinda stuff he should believe and understand the situation. He should apologize for calling you that and should give you the support you need since you just lost a family member.


I have never been in the situation where I have fallen in love with someone by talking to the person. Everyone finds love differently though. I wouldn't call you crazy all. I think its a good idea to meet this guy and get to know each other in person.


Definity I would be worried about the whole drinking situation as well. That would probably be a turn off for me. If you do end up meeting this guy don't lose your virginty to him right then and there. Definity wait for the right moment and time or even the right guy. Is there a huge age difference between you two??


I don't think your wrong at all for telling him if he doesn't change then your not flying out there to met him. How come he doesn't come out to met you? I know you said that he's in a band but doesn't he get some free time to himself? By you mentioning to him about changing his ways this will hopfully help you realize if this is the guy for you and even to continue the communication.


For him not to talk to you at in the past few days in not fair at all. Don't contact him all. Let him call you and hopefully he'll come around. He should be the one calling you to apologize for his actions.


There are a lot people who are out there and that will treat you with a lot of respect and care. You deserve the love, care, respect and trust from a wonderful guy. If you want to be able to trust somebody to me it doesn't seem like he would really be the one.

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