Persue new charmer or continue to heal alone?

[misspearl]

Okay so apparently I have a date with someone...it's a guy i do like, he's very sweet but I actually thought it was casual meet-up because this guy is known for being a charmer, but then my friends keep saying 'Oh my gosh, its in the evening, etc. of course its a date!! he likes you etc.' And it's just gotten me thinking......am i rushing sillyly into this? Am I being wise? All those other breaks i've had with my ex (even one that last 8 months, the big break up) we've both remained truly faithful to each other. We were both in love with each other still somewhere deep down only to bury our feelings. I still feel that way. But I'm worried I'm doing the wrong thing. What if he's going to come back again one day when he thinks we've both matured- and I'm making a big mistake? I know it's not right to live on the basis of 'what if', but i could have the world again if this is just another long temporary break. And I remember during the 8-month period my ex was incrediblyyy hurt when he found out that i gave my number to someone (when hadn't even done anything!) So i can't imagine how this would make him feel. It's been 5 months since the break up now and I'm thankful I'm not in the depressive place I was the beginning, but he's still the love of my life and i still know that, no matter what. I do like this new date-guy i do, i wouldn't be going if i didn't, but its just set off a bunch of thoughts that's all.

 

It's a long complex story to tell you the history of me and my ex so i can only summarise...advice would be appreciated

 

PS. I guess this whole this is also one big disoreintating madness because I've only ever been in the arms of one guy...and it was 2 years.

[hmdreamer7]

I know it's not right to live on the basis of 'what if', but i could have the world again if this is just another long temporary break.

 

Life's too short to live in the past, and it sounds like that's the only place you're living. Suddenly something new comes up, and you're thinking in terms of the future. I think you need to give yourself the chance to be happy, and you're not going to be happy sitting around waiting for someone to happen to you! It's time to pick yourself up and move on... I say go out with the charmer.

[dur-LiveIt]

Hmmm...I don't know. Your break is still pretty fresh. You might want to hold off a bit before venturing into something else. Especially, with someone that you yourself said had a reputation of being a "charmer". I hope he's not the kind of guy who moves in on vulnerable females in an emotional state. Just guard your heart and be careful, you are still getting over and past your breakup.

 

Do try to go out and have fun, but, that doesn't mean you have to get involved with anyone again too soon.

 

Best to you.

[misspearl]

thanks for your advice : ) its been helpful and reassuring.

 

its frustrating though that even so my mind is full of thoughts. this 'charmer' guy is hard to resist because he is just so so so nice and lovely, i still haven't been on the 'date' with him yet, its planned for a couple of days time, but we've been messaging each other every day every few hours or so which has been really nice. I do have a lot of friends (boys and girls) and i keep regular contact with them all the time, but i dont know why THIS ONE is even more of a pleasure to be exchanging messages with throughout the day, about normal things, daily acitivities etc., it excites me more and makes me feel differently. I mean he's just another one of my guy friends, so i dont know why i feel so swayed. And I still had/have hopes that me and my ex will one day reconcile. I know this sounds mad, but i feel like one day, somehow, again it will be, but i dont know how when where. But it's just always been that way. And then this new guy...i told my friends i dont want to kiss him until i'm sure, but i'm worried i'll be placed in one of those 'he catches me off guard in the spur of a moment' situations and then end up kissing him (because clearly i am attracted or else I wouldn't be there in the first place). Yet, I really don't want to because i still put my ex on top of everyone else. I was looking at some of his pictures today, just to remember, and analyse how they are different in gestures and appearances. It makes me sad to think how insecure he was, and how little he trusted me (which led him to break up with me), because i do think he has such an incredible body and such a wonderful everything else, and i remember all he used to constantly do was feel insecure about his body because of one little commment i made once about how six packs are nice. He constantly was thinking that all my compliments were lies, sugar coated, etc. didn't trust me, and this build up of arguments and mis-trust led to the break up. I truly would love to be with him again, but its been so long that I'm over the pain, it's just become a fact to me, rather than an emotional outburst.

 

And when i was discussing this new guy with my mum yesterday, she got all worried and always speaks of him as though he is a danger zone, telling me not to trust him. But then, its the first time I'm actually feeling some sparks inside of me for ages, and it's almost cruel to have to ignore entirely.

 

See my dilemma? And then she also said, 'if *ex's name* finds out, he'll go so insane that it'll definitely be over for good'.

Ahh, decisions. They can change so much even though they seem so little.