I should be sleeping.

[leneychick]

i stumbled accross this forum because i woke up with a jolt about half an hour ago and couldn't go to sleep. after this post, i think i'll be able to fall asleep for a little bit, because many of the posts comforted me to know that other people are experiencing the same pain.

 

my break-up is not so simple. after our one-and-half year successful stay in our first apartment together, my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) found and signed a lease for november in our brand new house.

 

we've only been here a couple of months, but the fights in this house have been epic and painful. unlike the fights at the apartment, my boyfriend would now leave in the middle of the fights to go to his friends' house, just a quick stone's throw down the road. here, his friends would calm him and make him feel better -- albeit for four or five hours -- and then send him on his merry way back to me. the fights would continue, because of the break in the middle - while beneficial to him, the fact that we only fixed our problems when HE was good and ready was hurtful to me. it also embarrassed me to have other people constantly involved in our problems. i only told my friends when fights were serious, but he was leaving the house constantly to complain to his friends -- over differences of opinion, tension, once over a spat about whether or not peptobismol worked!

 

on saturday he left in the middle of the night over a spat and didn't come back until one o'clock the next day. i was sick with worry, but we both apologized when he came home. he said that he loved me and wanted to try again, and like an idiot, i believed him. later that night, he left for his friends' house again, and when he came back, five hours later -- he was so amped up with testosterone and hurt feelings that he wanted to break up. again.

 

i managed to convince him to take a week off from the relationship, rather than breaking up altogether, and that at the end of the week we would discuss how we were feeling. i reminded him that we had a lot to lose, that we would also lose the house - and he agreed, and we spent the rest of the night together, in seeming bliss, before trotting over to his friends' house to spent the week.

 

he ended the "week" today, three days later, where he came to our house with our lease in hand. then he dropped two bombs: not only was he not waiting out the week to see how he felt, but he was done. and he was also going to kick me out.

 

here's how he can do this: i signed our last lease, our apartment lease, so there was no way in hell he could have done this to me. i was only listed in the second list by name only. i didn't show for the signing because it was done in a town 45 minutes away, and i didn't anticipate anything like this happening, especially so soon. so he could legally kick me out, and he was going to.

 

i begged and pleaded, but he wouldn't relent. if anything, it just made him angrier. today was my first day back at school -- and i haven't done anything i need to be doing academic wise to get my semester in order. i'm also on my "second chance" policy, since i took two years off to travel and work -- i couldn't get reinstated if i flunked out this time. i told him i didn't have the funds or the resources to find another place, but he wouldn't relent.

 

the break-up was rather long, and i managed to end it on a nice, somewhat dignified note, but the jist is that i am stuck in our little home by myself until i find an apartment (with money i don't have) and keep my head afloat schoolwise and jobwise, all with a broken heart. i am surrounded by our things and our memories, and am not looking forward to separating our things that are all enmeshed together. dvds, books, things in each other's cars...i am dreading the battles that will arise when we separate things that are "ours," battles over nightstands and coffee tables.

 

he is spending the entire time i'm looking for an apartment at his friends' house, where apparently, they're taking good care of him by keeping him busy, or abating his fears or concerns. meanwhile, i'm surrounded by our things, trying to find a way to sleep and to move on. i know the upcoming few weeks will take strength, but sometimes i feel like it's strength that i don't have.

 

sorry so long, i just needed to get this off my chest. less than two hours until my alarm rings and maybe i can get the sleep i need now.

[liquer]

Sorry to hear all this, he sounds a real gent eh? Get some sleep though, or you'll be more stressed.

[waltwhit]

Well, I think his friends have brainwashed him into dumping you so that they can have their "bro" back. Whenever you have a bunch of single guys and one guy is in a relationship, the single guys unfortunately often try to convince him to break up with his girl so they can go out and have "fun" again. I say this, because it seems like every time he went over there he came back fighting.

 

Unfortunately for him, he will probably realize that the grass is not so green on the other side of the fence and by then, hopefully, you'll be long gone. At least he didn't completely kick you out on your * * * * , and you get to stay in the house until you find a place to live, but I know looking for a place is never easy when you are under that kind of pressure. You are afraid you will have to settle because of the time constraints and thus, you will end up living with someone you hate.

 

Is he still splitting the rent with you until you find a place even though he is not living there? If not, he definitely should. you should not be shouldered with the entire rent, and since it is his name on the lease, you should only pay your half. But I would suggest talking to him first. I mean he sounds pretty unreasonably right now, but hopefully he is reasonable enough to agree to still pay his share as long as you are looking in good faith for a new place to live.

 

I know this situation really sucks right now, but take faith in the fact that it's only gong to get better from here. You will find a new place to live soon, and you will love your new roommate! I promise! I can feel it!

 

Soon, that schmuck will be wondering why he dumped you. You sound like a very mature and put-together chick. And smart too. I am, frankly, surprised you fell for this loser, but it happens to the best of us.

 

Good luck!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do you have family you can turn to for help and moral support? Do you have friends you can turn to for moral support? He sounds very very immature and although you are too upset and scared now, over time you will realize that he did you a big favour. Over time those petty fights and disappearing acts would have worn away your self-esteem and would have had a negative impact on your ability to perform well in school. Yes, things are rough now..but once you find a place and get yourself sorted you will probably find the peacefulness a very welcome change from the battleground and uncertainty you had while dealing with his shenanigans. It will get better and you will be stronger for it.

[leneychick]

thanks for all of the sweet replies. when i woke up this morning and refreshed this window it actually made me cry to read the words of support.

 

my friends are being extremely supportive, and i break the news to my family this weekend. i'm both dreading it and welcoming the support i know i need.

 

my moods are both up and down. i've been attending classes and writing to-do lists, but i feel like my brain is in a fog. i accomplish activities so slowly, and sometimes i have to remind myself four or five times where i'm going and why i'm doing it. the slightest things are setting me off, too. i bought some cat food and the lady who checked me out smiled at me so kindly it made me want to cry.

 

when i pulled into the driveway -- our driveway -- all i could see was the emptiness of where his car used to be. i don't know why this hurts so much. it's just a blank space where something more used to be. even typing this out hurts.

 

i know his friends have had a part in this -- but ultimately it is his decision to let go. i hate saying goodbye to this house. i hate the idea of moving again. i hate digging down deep inside myself for some kind of inner strength to keep me going. i feel like i'm running out of reserves.

 

i feel all the time when i am functioning in public like i am one step away from tears. that beneath my pallid little face is this crumpled, sobbing little thing that just wants to go home. only, i don't know where home is yet.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It's all fresh and new and very very disappointing...it is okay for you to feel down in the dumps. Crying may help relieve some of the tension...better than keeping it bottled up. You will get through it...you do indeed have it in you to get through it. Your support system will help you through. When I am in a really bad jam and feel overwhelmed, I keep my mind focused on the tasks that need to be done rather than on why I am stuck doing them. Try to view this as your ticket to freedom...you can make your own choices now and not be stuck with someone that immature. Your hopes, dreams and expectations were completely dashed...but you will have new dreams and hopes...it just takes time.....I offer you some tissues and a shoulder to cry on.