Healing while hoping to get back together...is it possible?

[SighSob]

She dumped me. She is already with another guy. They have been obviously developing feelings for each other while she was still with me, and that sucks twice. I feel cheated, fooled and rejected. I even acknowledge I wasn't happy in the relationship either - and that a break was needed. Still, I think about "getting back together" with her all day. I know there's just nothing I can do to "get her back", so I try to heal and move on. But deep inside I know that I go out with friends, to the gym and hang out with girls with the hope that she will reconsider her choice. I am aware of that and I justify it by saying to myself that the important thing is to do those things (meet new people, go to the gym, etc.)...even if for the wrong reasons. What do you think?

 

P.s. I really just want to be happy again.

[UCLAMike]

in short, no. in long, no never.

 

hope is what keeps you from moving on. dude tonight is just like any other nights. you will have weak moments while more often you are strong. just hang in there and don't break NC. you already know the pain and rejection waiting on the other side of NC. don't go to square 1 again. hang tight bro we are here for you. accept that it's over, and it's ok.

[SighSob]

Yeah but it's not about breaking NC. I will never break it - due to many reasons, the main one being she's already dating another guy.

It's not like I'm doing it to get back together with her...maybe just to make her regret a little more her choice...and of course I'm doing it also because it will help me look more attractive to other girls...but the main reason, heh, is the wrong one.

[UCLAMike]

Yeah but it's not about breaking NC. I will never break it - due to many reasons, the main one being she's already dating another guy.

It's not like I'm doing it to get back together with her...maybe just to make her regret a little more her choice...and of course I'm doing it also because it will help me look more attractive to other girls...but the main reason, heh, is the wrong one.

 

my gf dumped me and is happily dating another guy. i felt just as you did but you need to come to terms with urself that she is never coming back. girls are different. when they are with their new bf there's no coming back. she forgot about you, at least the way she used to feel about you. drop the hopes, its ur only ticket to being well. it hurts but u have to face it.

 

i did and i feel much better about it. i have more good days than bad and i am beginning to sense more power into my life each day of NC. Take control over your thoughts

[Clabs]

High Sighsob

 

I think that clinging onto a bit of hope is totally normal - even people who were in quite cr@ppy relationships do it. But you are doing the right thing in other areas of your life to keep yourself really busy so good for you.

 

Sometimes you have to adopt a bit of a "fake it till you make it" attitude to help push you through this. Slowly, things will settle down and you will start to really look forward. Just remember though that this healing malarkey is not linear so be prepared to have up days and down days.

 

Come back on here to let it all out, eh?

 

Mark

[Loki71]

This is normal. I have been through it as well. Like you I knoew it was over but I just didn't want to let go of the hope that someday she will realize just how much I loved her and come back. The only thing different in my story is we were married for almost 12yrs and have 2 kids. It wasn't till about a month ago I really started to accept that it was over and I gave up hope. I am now dating someone and she makes me very happy but I still have set backs as will you. We just have to pick ourselves up and dust off and keep going.

[Robert013]

I think once you start dating again you might find that you don't want her back afterall and hope will go away gradually. I think the key to moving on is dating again and spending time with someone new.

 

Don't get me wrong I am not saying jump into the deep end of an empty pool (rebound). But you need to see that there are other people out there that are just as amazing as your ex.

 

My ex as well as yours went the rebound route. Not to healthy and I speak from experience. They will wake up one day and wonder what the hell they are doing with the new person unless your ex new him before then it is not a rebound.

 

You can't just all of a sudden loose hope it doesn't go away like that. But you have to put it on the backburner and live your life. If you live your life for yourself and not your ex then you will heal no matter if there is still a little hope.

[COtuner]

Yes, it's possible. I hoped to get back together with my ex but when we did, I discovered I had healed and started to move on. However, he had not changed his ways at all. So yes, I do believe it is possible. In my case, I did not think about him every waking moment, and closed up all the gaps in my life left by his leaving with activities I enjoyed.

[searching1951]

It's really painful, but you have to go through an intense painful cry seeing her with the new guy in your mind, seeing her naked with the new guy, and seeing how ridiculous you are to think there is any shred of hope she'll ever come back or think about you in the throes of her wild love making with the new guy. Cry your lungs out. Accept that the door to her is a steel vault and it is slammed shut forever.

 

The next day she'll seem distant to you..you'll feel a little better and you will have moved to a new plateau of recovery.

You'll then finally understand the phrase" Forget her and move one."

[davejsy]

"You can't just all of a sudden loose hope it doesn't go away like that. But you have to put it on the backburner and live your life. If you live your life for yourself and not your ex then you will heal no matter if there is still a little hope."

 

Wise words. Main thing is to carry on doing what you know is right, even if it doesn't feel right. Be prepared for your bad days, instead of trying to fight them. Know that break up's suck, and that there's alot of people feeling the same if not worse right now.