gracerules2008 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 So as things stand right now I'm not willing to do real sex for the rest of my life for many reasons. The main one being that I don't want kids. I think phone sex works much better for me and that's where I'm drawing the line. I'm not going to cross that line and take the sex off-line. Would you continue a relationship with a SO who didn't want to go beyond phone sex? Why or why not? Would it be a deal-breaker? Everytime I have sex over the phone with my girlfriend it already feels like the real deal anyway. So there are ways to not have real sex and still feel like I'm having real sex. It's all about tricking your mind and that's what I've been doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 sorry but as soon as a guy tells me phone sex or nothing I just run away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurse1986 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Is birth control and condoms an option? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracerules2008 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'm afraid not. I need 100% foolproof not 99.9% Condoms actually have only a 70% chance of working. That's the truth. Last time I checked I can't get a girl pregnant through phone sex. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. Abstinence from real sex and sticking with phone sex is the only sure way to make sure I don't give God an open door to put a child in my life. Condoms and birth control plus spermicidal gel plus a vasectomy plus a histerectomy on her part would only give a 99% chance of avoiding pregnancy. Which means there is still that 1% open door that God may use to miraculously get her pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurse1986 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think this would be unacceptable for most people. You're too young to think this way. Is there something wrong? What's really going on? Why don't you want kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timebandit Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Phone sex would usually be considered something to be done to spice up the relationship or when the couple is separated from each other physically. No, in the end I would not stay in a relationship with someone who did not want to have normal sex with me. For most younger people I think sex is an essential part of a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurse1986 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Are you ashamed of your body? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkly Eyes Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'm afraid not. I need 100% foolproof not 99.9% Condoms actually have only a 70% chance of working. That's the truth. Last time I checked I can't get a girl pregnant through phone sex. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. go get vasectomy and also use condom or pull out! believe me I offer my head for you to cut if you get a girl pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sn0man Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You are loved & accepted by God. You are perfect & without fault in His eyes. I don't want to talk about what anybody thinks is wrong with you. I want to talk about what is right with you! If God is love & if He has created humans in His image and likeness then that means you are also love. You are a visible expression of God in this world. Think about that. Religion have anything to do with it? Personally, I think phone sex is creepy. But I don't like the phone much anyways so i'm biased. But I think you'll have a mighty hard time finding someone who will only go that far with you - as the real thing normally comes first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracerules2008 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think this would be unacceptable for most people. You're too young to think this way. Is there something wrong? What's really going on? Why don't you want kids? Back in 2002 I dated this girl for 14 months. That was the last time I went all the way sexually with a woman. We were real careful (or so I thought). I made it a point to wear a condom while she used a spermicidal gel (there may have been at least one instance when she didn't put it in. I didn't watch her everytime). To make a long story short she didn't tell me she was pregnant and had a miscarriage during our relationship until 3 months after the breakup. We broke up on bad terms. That's another story. But we got into some heated conversation 3 months after the breakup and that's when she told me that she was pregnant at one point during our relationship and had a miscarriage. She said it happened during the time that we were most careful. I was shocked and also angry that she kept me in the dark about all of this while we were together. So ever since that episode I haven't gone all the way with any woman. The farthest I've gone since 2002 is mutual masturbation but I'm starting to see that even mutual masturbation is playing with fire. So I'm cutting that out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracerules2008 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 go get vasectomy and also use condom or pull out! believe me I offer my head for you to cut if you get a girl pregnant. There's plenty of posts on here that will tell you that the pull out method is also playing with fire. Of course I already knew that years before I came to ENA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurse1986 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You must be feeling traumatized??? She was pregnant and didn't tell you. I would feel a little hurt too, but you shouldn't let this ruin your right to have an intimate relationship with someone you love. If it's holding you back like that, then you should seek some help. Sometimes it helps to open up too. We are always here to talk when you want too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I am not having sex until im ready for a child. Mutual masturbation however is uber safe. sometimes i do the naked on top and naked on bottom but no intercourse. All these things are safe enough to me but i try to practice abstinence as it requires a state of mind most often that i try to adhere to. It seems like this is a matter of trauma though as you have had sex and are quite afraid of it. I think most ppl would walk away from just phone sex but if you are strong you can work through that. you dont have to change for anyone or anything. I personally think you should open up more and maybe slowly get back into sexual things if it intrests you. GL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lights Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think a relationship without intimacy would be less successful than a relationship WITH intimacy. Sex is a natural human desire, and to expect someone to have nothing but phone sex probably wouldn't happen. Maybe they'd be completely understanding, and try it out, but I think it'd be only a matter of time before their urges forced them to think otherwise. I agree also that it is a very healthy part of a relationship. Honestly, if I had no kind of intimacy with my boyfriend, it would probably feel like more of just a friendship anyway. Intimacy provides a lot of the really deep connections that are essential for a relationship to survive. I agree with the poster who suggested a vasectomy, and BC on top of that to be sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsx730 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You have some deep-seated issues with sex, trust, and from the sounds of it, religion. You should talk to a therapist. If used properly, condoms are 99% effective. If taken correctly, birth control is 99% effective. If you're willing to get a vasectomy, use condoms, and have your girlfriend take birth control, you won't be having a baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midnightrambler Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 So as things stand right now I'm not willing to do real sex for the rest of my life for many reasons. The main one being that I don't want kids. I think phone sex works much better for me and that's where I'm drawing the line. I'm not going to cross that line and take the sex off-line. Would you continue a relationship with a SO who didn't want to go beyond phone sex? Why or why not? Would it be a deal-breaker? Everytime I have sex over the phone with my girlfriend it already feels like the real deal anyway. So there are ways to not have real sex and still feel like I'm having real sex. It's all about tricking your mind and that's what I've been doing. i am with you.....it is less complicated and at times more exciting....sometimes the ladies roll on the phone and they go "click' and it is a hassle to dial up the SO and sometimes you are calling at the same time so you get a busy signal......just work out a plan for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue69 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Agree with others. Your feelings of sexuality are not healthy. Full of negativity. If you are dead set against children go get a vasectomy. Then enjoy a healthy and fun sex life. To say that phone sex in any way "feels the same" as real sex is just a stretch. I would imagine most women who offer a healthy relationship with you would desire intimacy that can only be found through physical contact. Not necessarily intercourse, but physical intimacy. But hey if all you desire is phone sex for sexual gratification, then by all means have fun. I can't judge your sexual preference. It seems, however, that this decision is being based on a consequential fear. And I really doubt if that would provide you a fullfilling sexual lifestyle. Therapy would definitely help you with understanding your fears and how to put your energies towards them. Good luck, and don't give up on human intimacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unabashed Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'm doubtful that the girl you dated was actually pregnant by you if you used all the methods you said. Are you even sure she was actually pregnant in the first place? Unfortunately, some people use this type of information as a tool to gain sympathy or attention, especially if she said this at the end of a relationship. There is no way that I would stay in a relationship if physical intimacy were not an option. Sex is about more than an orgasm. Phone sex is, for me at least, a pale facsimile of the real thing. If I love someone and want to express that, it's important that we are face to face. Birth control works, if it's used properly. Using two methods at once with 99% effectiveness (such as condom AND the pill), means there will be no pregnancy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaosa Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Get a vasectomy...wait the alloted time then get a sperm count test, if it's 0 you'll be fine. Unless you can find a woman who is ok with never having that intimacy (I for one, believe sex to be a highly emotional experience), you will never have a happy relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drewciouS281 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 DUDE! YOUR CRAZY!!! we are born on this earth with a special purpose and that special purpose is to spread the seed man!!! lol. j/k.. man, if you dont want kids and want 100% you can do 3 options. One, have a friend take a sledge hammer to your balls Two, Buy a baby kitten and walk around the house naked. He will think your balls are toys and destroy them. (funny but true story i read) Three, get a freakin Vasectomy! Phone sex is for elementary school. Your a man, dont you enjoy the satisfaction of a warm punnany or do you enjoy the five finger fun better??? hmmmmm?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KG Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 If you are sure you don't want kids, get clipped! Honestly, the intimacy with someone else is not to missed, it's a part of living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldplay. Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Just to let you know, nothing in this world is 100%, there is a chance, though very small that you could pass through a wall when walking into to, a chance that our universe could suddenly explode. Research why they say 99.9% with dual contraceptives, i think its more for liability for those who dont practice safely. But ya i second getting clipped, if your afraid someday u might want kids, it is reversible in some situations, plus u can just ice your little guys for a later time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mock Chop Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You know what a hysterectomy is, right? The removal of the womb?? Where babies grow? So how is that only 99% effective as a method of contraception? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilservant Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Ok, at the risk of going religious here we are: If your God wants you to have a child he'll find a way weather you have sex or not right? The last time I read the bible Mary was a virgin.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk87 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I agree with the previous poster who said you had some issues with sex, religion and trust. I couldn't have a relationship where we didn't have that close physical intimacy. For me lying with another person, receiving hug and kisses, mutual masturbation and even sex are all key areas of a successful relationship. If these did not happen, I couldn't stay with the person. It's not really fair if you expect someone to do this for you if they want more. Are we not on this earth to reproduce according to religion? And have intimate relationships with others? hk87 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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