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Girlfriend and her ex-husband


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So this is the first time I've ever gone online for any sort of help, and I'm curious what sort of results I can get. Strangely, after thinking about it I feel remarkably comfortable about throwing everything out there for everyone to read...


I have been dating this girl, C, for about 4 months now. We were absolutely inseperable! She had been separated from her husband for over a year and had had a fling or two since, though nothing that appeared substantial. She and I hit it off so wonderfully that we had spoken about moving in together, getting married, etc. She has three children, who I find absolutely wonderful! I have one little boy, and we've all been introduced and spent lots of time together. We had even started keeping our things at each other's houses.


Out of the blue one day, I receive a text message saying she's been doing some thinking and she doesn't think she wants to be with me. She pleads for some space, and then proceeds to attack me about what seemed like anything she could find. We spoke via text for quite a bit that day, and I stopped texting or calling her. The next day in the afternoon she texts me again upset with me because I hadn't texted her, saying that she said only one thing and I just gave up on her.


We got together again the next day, though she was still aggressive about a few things. We broke up again on New Year's day. It seemed like she would try to attack me saying I was insincere and going to hurt her, etc. I came to the realization she needed some serious reassurance, which she responded to very well. She would tell me she loved me, etc.


Well, I wanted to give her some space so we would not spend all our time together and text & talk via phone. We still talked for an hour or so on the phone. It's difficult to get her to open up to me, but she feels worthless and like she's let everyone down by getting divorced. There seems to be a ton of pent up feelings there.


We made plans to see each other after work one night, and she called me saying she would have to pick up her kids from her ex's house because they hate going there and wanted to come home. I know that part is true, because the kids tell me that! She promised to text or call me when she got home. Well, the text never came nor did the phone call. I discovered that her ex was over at her house at 1AM and it appears to be the reason she ignored my text messages asking if she was ok.


She texted me the next day and we spoke via phone. She lied to me about her ex being there, and continued to complain about him and what a jerk and poor father he is. She asked me for all of her space because she really thought she wanted to be with me, and suggested I come get my things from her house. I complied, and we texted the first half of the day about how perfect things would be between the two of us. In the afternoon, we didn't talk that much, and this evening not at all. She has no idea I know he was there.


I'm not sure if she's feeling like she needs to "sow her oats," as she has been with this guy since high school, or if she is feeling so guilty about what she thinks her family and children feel that she's contemplating reconciling with him?


It appears as though she's trying to keep both of us at bay until she can decide which to go with. I feel that I am a much better man than her ex for multiple reasons, none of which are really important. How many men would be so accepting of someone else's children after all?


I'm curious what I should do at this point? Should I make no attempt to contact her? Should I call or text her asking how she is? I have no idea what to do to sway this woman in my favor. I'm sure someone has had some experience here. I could use some advice.


I know that was pretty long. Thank you for helping!

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If I were you I wouldn't even answer her calls or texts for a couple of weeks until she's gotten some things sorted out in her head, which is what it sounds like she needs to do.


And don't fall into that trap where she guilts you for not chasing and obsessing over her - that's exactly what women want men to do and then they use it as ammo. Just back off for a bit and let her sweat.

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I agree. Leave this one alone. Get your stuff, wish her well, and move along.


It is better to find this out now before getting in to deep. She has some serious things to work on before she can begin a healthy, positive relationship with someone. Unfortunately she is just not ready to have a healthy relationship. Way to much negativity and drama.


Unless you like this kind of chaos, I would steer clear.


Good luck.

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