wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The sham probably wouldn't work since she's likely seen pictures on the dating site. I honestly don't see how one message is stalking. If she messaged him back saying it was too creepy, and then he continued messaging her, that would be creepy. Link to comment
Mariahee Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 if someone i dont rly know contacted me i would be a bit creeped out Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 if someone i dont rly know contacted me i would be a bit creeped out Guess I'm weird in that I'm only creeped out if someone I know is creepy and contacts me. Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Her reaction will depend on her personality. I did not look up her name because I am a stalker or creepy guy. I'm just trying to find a way around paying for a dating site on the off chance that this girl is worth it. However, I can understand if she gets the impression that I am stalkerish or creepy. It's not the conventional way of getting in touch with someone, that's for sure. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to make a casual message to her since she has seen 3 of my pics (same ones I have on FB) so I would have to work my way around the fact that I took a stab in the dark and found her FB page. One advantage is her first name (which again she put on her profile) is not very common. I got maybe 3 hits on FB with her first name, and one of them had a last name identical to her profile name on the dating site (same location as well). So I *may* be able to say something like "I took a shot by putting your name on FB....etc". She will either appreciate the effort or * * * * herself to sleep. Not only that, but I have to think about my safety as well. If I contact a non-friend on FB, they will have access to my profile before I get access to theirs. Do I want a stranger knowing who my friends are, where I work, etc? Tough call. I agree with both points of view (the "creepy crowd" vs. the "you have nothing to lose" crowd). Good points on both sides. But I will definitely give it a couple of days. Thanks everyone for their opinions. Very much appreciated. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 what's the point of being on a dating site if you don't have the capability of contacting people? sounds like you aren't serious about it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 It's a fine line. I bet Romeo would have googled Juliet. they also killed themselves at the end. Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 This kind of minds me of a strategy my friend used on Lavalife. He would go through ladies profiles and look for "hints" in how to contact them. They would say something like, "if you're looking for me, I usually spend my time where it's hot at samedy..." (email would then be email removed).. It worked pretty good for him... Hard to say for this example though. *that's not my email address. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 This kind of minds me of a strategy my friend used on Lavalife. He would go through ladies profiles and look for "hints" in how to contact them. They would say something like, "if you're looking for me, I usually spend my time where it's hot at samedy..." (email would then be link removed[/i]"]samedy@link removed).. It worked pretty good for him... Hard to say for this example though. *that's not my email address. yeah, i've seen a lot of people do that. though some sites will screen that you don't write something like that. i've seen people write "contact me at xxxxxxxx at hotmail dot com" then again, i never responded to guys who did that. i figured if they weren't paying members, then they weren't so interested in really making a match. Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 what's the point of being on a dating site if you don't have the capability of contacting people? sounds like you aren't serious about it. Because this site is very strict about profiles, pictures, weeding out the spammers, etc. In other words, I feel safer putting my profile there as opposed to a free site like POF where anarchy can happen. I actually had a few dates with a girl through this site, but again, she was a paid member so she was able to communicate her email address to me. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I was on lava too and there were people would do that...AND she didn't...she just put her first name... it's creepy! Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Dumb on her part if she uses her last name as a username. I might use my first name (hey my first name is Samedy, for real! well no), but last name? Never in a million years. Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Dumb on her part if she uses her last name as a username. I might use my first name (hey my first name is Samedy, for real! well no), but last name? Never in a million years. I'm with you, dude. My usernames (on every site I'm on, dating or otherwise) are so ambiguous that very few, if any, would have a clue what they mean. I'm honestly surprised she would do that. Doesn't make much sense. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 then why the fk are you out there? to have ppl pay to contact you. is it like a ego boost thing? if you dont wanna talk to someone then when say ur interested. whats he go to lose... no contact at all or give it a shot is what hes communicating to me. If you paid and contacted her can she respond without paying? --edit-- ive been on dating sites where i thought DAMN i wish they contact me... and to no avail. so are you saying only guys want that type of contact i think its a different thing between different ppl and different pairs of ppl. i cant say its the same all the way round. I want them to contact me, of course! BUT, I don't want them to then use my personal email to try and find my myspace, facebook, home address, etc. And I've never been on a site where I didn't pay... What you're suggesting is just really wrong. I really don't know many women who would find it flattering. Most would be frightened... I know I would think you were a psycho AND cheap to boot! So, you can't pony up $20 to contact a woman on a dating site, but you're trying to convey that you date-worthy by then stalking her elsewhere? I smell a restraining order in your future, babe. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I want them to contact me, of course! BUT, I don't want them to then use my personal email to try and find my myspace, facebook, home address, etc. And I've never been on a site where I didn't pay... What you're suggesting is just really wrong. I really don't know many women who would find it flattering. Most would be frightened... I know I would think you were a psycho AND cheap to boot! So, you can't pony up $20 to contact a woman on a dating site, but you're trying to convey that you date-worthy by then stalking her elsewhere? I smell a restraining order in your future, babe. agreed on all fronts!!! Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I want them to contact me, of course! BUT, I don't want them to then use my personal email to try and find my myspace, facebook, home address, etc. And I've never been on a site where I didn't pay... What you're suggesting is just really wrong. I really don't know many women who would find it flattering. Most would be frightened... I know I would think you were a psycho AND cheap to boot! So, you can't pony up $20 to contact a woman on a dating site, but you're trying to convey that you date-worthy by then stalking her elsewhere? I smell a restraining order in your future, babe. A lot of hostility in this thread. She put her last name as a username. She put her first name in her profile. If you don't want someone to search you on PUBLIC internet sites, then you shouldn't be putting your PERSONAL information on other PUBLIC sites. It's unrealistic to think that you aren't going to be looked up on Facebook by potential dates. If you knew a contacts name through a dating site, would you not check them out on Facebook or would you ask them if it's alright to do a search for them on facebook first? Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I want them to contact me, of course! BUT, I don't want them to then use my personal email to try and find my myspace, facebook, home address, etc. And I've never been on a site where I didn't pay... What you're suggesting is just really wrong. I really don't know many women who would find it flattering. Most would be frightened... I know I would think you were a psycho AND cheap to boot! So, you can't pony up $20 to contact a woman on a dating site, but you're trying to convey that you date-worthy by then stalking her elsewhere? I smell a restraining order in your future, babe. I think you're overreacting (into absurd rationale). Here is what happened: She expresses interest in me, I accept it, but neither of us has a way of giving our email address to each other. She leaves her first name on her profile. I then, with no intention other than to cheap my way out of paying for a dating site, put her name on FB and find that it matches her profile almost exactly. I am now contemplating sending her a message telling her that I am the guy who she expressed interest in from the dating site. Can you please, from a legal standpoint, tell me how that constitutes stalking or psychotic behavior? Maybe you are using hyperbole to illustrate a point, but I don't see how that foreshadows the work of a stalker or someone who will have a restraining order in the future. Creepy? Sure. Cheap? Absolutely. But a warning for future behavior? Spare me. If I wanted to be a stalker, do you honestly believe I'd be posting here asking for advise? Come on. Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 A lot of hostility in this thread. She put her last name as a username. She put her first name in her profile. If you don't want someone to search you on PUBLIC internet sites, then you shouldn't be putting your PERSONAL information on other PUBLIC sites. It's unrealistic to think that you aren't going to be looked up on Facebook by potential dates. If you knew a contacts name through a dating site, would you not check them out on Facebook or would you ask them if it's alright to do a search for them on facebook first? Seriously. My sister-in-law said to me that she Google'd every guy she ever dated, including my brother who she eventually married. If that constitutes dementia like Ariel seems deluded enough to believe, then half the damn planet should be in straight jackets right now. Link to comment
Mariahee Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Guess I'm weird in that I'm only creeped out if someone I know is creepy and contacts me. well ya, that too Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Wow. In the "man I really feel stupid" department, she just now sent me a message on the dating site saying she wanted to chat and included her email address and Yahoo messenger name. I guess she did have an account after all, maybe she was waiting for me to initiate the first message? Oh well. I'll email her tomorrow. I hope she wasn't reading this thread and put 2 and 2 together! Well....that eliminates that problem. Consider this thread moot. I'll now be off doing my best Jack Torrence impression while writing love notes to random women online (starting with Ariel and kuiks). Us crazy folk have a tendency to do that. Thanks everyone for the opinions. Again, much appreciated. It's good to have a site like this handy. Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I tell you what. When you become a woman who HAS been stalked, then come talk to me about you think I'm over-reacting. Until then, pipe it. Putting a FIRST name is hardly access to personal information or additional networking sites they may be on. And it's a big difference between perving someone's profile anonymously, and a whole other to actually CONTACT them that way. But, I guess for some guys, it's the only way to make contact with women. Have at it! But putting a LAST name is giving someone easy access to your information. The OP didn't hack into her account to find any personal information that wasn't already put out there. I don't understand why you are being so confrontational and rude. The OP came on this site to ask peoples OPINIONS. Just because you don't agree with my OPINION doesn't mean I have to "pipe it". And I don't think he was "perving" her profile. Drawing your own conclusions there. Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 She did NOT put up a LAST NAME. Only a FIRST NAME. Go back and read his OP. He then tried to piece together parts of her profile to find her online. It was cyber-stalking. You can spin it if you like, but he was taking some major leaps. And guys like you that diminish stalking really make me ill. Like I said, until it happens to you, you have no idea what you're talking about. How did he get her last name then? Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 She did NOT put up a LAST NAME. Only a FIRST NAME. Go back and read his OP. He then tried to piece together parts of her profile to find her online. It was cyber-stalking. You can spin it if you like, but he was taking some major leaps. And guys like you that diminish stalking really make me ill. Like I said, until it happens to you, you have no idea what you're talking about. Stalking is the obsessive following, observing, or contacting of another person, or the obsessive attempt to engage in any of these activities. ... As far as I can tell, the only thing he's obsessing about is WHETHER to contact her this way. I don't think he had to be obsessive to spend five minutes to find her information. I lay my case, as well as Jay's, to rest. Link to comment
Samedy Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Trying to find someone without their consent is STALKING. No it's not. DEFINITION - Cyberstalking is a crime in which the attacker harasses a victim using electronic communication, such as e-mail or instant messaging (IM), or messages posted to a Web site or a discussion group. A cyberstalker relies upon the anonymity afforded by the Internet to allow them to stalk their victim without being detected. Cyberstalking messages differ from ordinary spam in that a cyberstalker targets a specific victim with often threatening messages, while the spammer targets a multitude of recipients with simply annoying messages. Im sure you'd be fine if someone just showed up at your front door because she saw you online? That is a giant leap and in no way related to what is being discussed in this thread. You are now projecting or creating straw man arguments. Which is not the purpose of this thread. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Stalking is the obsessive following, observing, or contacting of another person, or the obsessive attempt to engage in any of these activities. ... As far as I can tell, the only thing he's obsessing about is WHETHER to contact her this way. I don't think he had to be obsessive to spend five minutes to find her information. I lay my case, as well as Jay's, to rest. That's fine, but I can tell you most assuredly, that the FBI would have a VERY different stance on his actions... Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 God help this poor girl and anyone else you date! Because you sound DANGEROUS!!! She NEVER said here is my first name, and my last name, so please try to find me and stalk me online. You took it upon YOURSELF to try and see if her profile name was her last name. All part of your stalking. And then you find her facebook, check out her profile, and then consider contacting her THERE? That's stalking, my friend. Perhaps you don't like the label, but it's the truth. Trying to find someone without their consent is STALKING. Im sure you'd be fine if someone just showed up at your front door because she saw you online? What you were doing is NO different. Wow, he went from finding her on Facebook to showing up at her doorstep. Let me reread the thread... You must have really read between the lines on that one because I don't see it. Link to comment
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