jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Just a quick recap. I am a free member of a paying dating site. A woman expressed interest in me the other day (I accepted), but it appears she is a free member as well. Free members can only "express interest", nothing else. I would need a paid membership to contact her. I have no intention of paying for any dating service, so it's kind of hitting a brick wall. However, she ended her profile by writing her first name. I took a stab in the dark and put her first name and profile name on Google (thinking her profile name might be her last name). It turns out, there is someone on Facbook with that same first and last name in the same city she listed on her profile (it's a very uncommon name). The picture was too small to make out whether it was the same girl from the dating site. Now, my question is, if I were to contact that person on Fbook and she is in fact the girl from the dating site, would it seem a bit creepy/stalkerish if I contacted her that way? I mean, I would have to initiate the topic by saying something to the effect of "are you the chick that expressed interest in me on that dating site?". If a girl did that to me I'd be pretty baffled, albeit flattered too. There is no other way we'll ever be able to get in contact, barring one of us breaking down and paying for the service, but just wondering if anyone has done this or had this done to them. Thoughts? Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 definitely creepy...and it comes off as cheap...why don't you join one of the free dating sites... Link to comment
savignon Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think that would creep me out a little, to be honest. But, she is not me and there's only one way to find out! In the meantime, why be a member of a dating site if you have no intention of actually contacting people? It's like saying "I want a relationship" and "I don't want a relationship (or "I'm too cheap to pay for this") at the same time...??? Link to comment
HellFrost666 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 If nothing else it shows you're proactive. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 some dating sites have free trials for a couple days...or it is not bad if you just want to use it and pay for a month. A small price to pay if it ends up she is someone who you really click with. Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You could always write, "Hi, it seems that you expressed interest in me on .... . I don't want to join the site because I want to save my money to make a first date with you memorable. Interested?" Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Yeah, thats WAY nutty, dude! You dont even know if its her, and if it is, Id be TWEAKED that you stalked me. Pay the money and become a member. Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 If you're that adamant against joining, at least put it all on the line and see what happens. The worst she can do is continue to be a stranger and turn you down. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 i say do it. It seems you want to and you shouldnt act different for someone. Sure others may think its cheap blah blah and maybe it is. My roomie did this type of thing and i think hes cheap and lame but im glad hes him. i really mean that. he met this girl that was cool with what he did. hes so cheap its scary he freeloads alot which for me is where it crosses the line but i'd say be you from the start or you are sending false messages by being different if oyu arent really wanting to chage atm. GL xCOREx creepy is in the eye of the beholder. sometimes what ppl do is romantic to someone but creepy to another. look at movies some of that * * * * is stalker material but everyone is all melty about it... well just be light and sweet and gentle about it. be silly and not aggresive imo. in the end do what u want. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 if you don't want to pay for the site then it's worth a try. You've got nothing to lose because if she thinks it's creepy well you were never going to speak to her again anyway. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 please notice the girls have said creepy and guys have said fine..girls would be worried about their safety if some guy searched them out like that....VERY CREEPY! Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 i think its between does she want it or not. thats all. if she likes you a bunch or w/e then i think its fine but if shes meh about it all then it might be to much. Link to comment
Blanco Nino Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 It's a fine line. I bet Romeo would have googled Juliet. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 i think its between does she want it or not. thats all. if she likes you a bunch or w/e then i think its fine but if shes meh about it all then it might be to much. Noooo...it's the fact that you are now invading her real life...using information she did not divulge... believe me she will find you creepy! Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Noooo...it's the fact that you are now invading her real life...using information she did not divulge... believe me she will find you creepy! she gave her name. he used that info. just make sure she knows ur doing it "since there is no other way we'll ever be able to get in contact" and you figured it was worth the shot. or listen to Kuiks O.o grrr Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Noooo...it's the fact that you are now invading her real life...using information she did not divulge... believe me she will find you creepy! Exactly! Heck, I have sent emails before to guys I met on a dating site, and then they write me that they saw my myspace page, etc. THAT'S creepy, too, but what you're suggesting is really stalkerish. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Exactly! Heck, I have sent emails before to guys I met on a dating site, and then they write me that they saw my myspace page, etc. THAT'S creepy, too, but what you're suggesting is really stalkerish. then why the fk are you out there? to have ppl pay to contact you. is it like a ego boost thing? if you dont wanna talk to someone then when say ur interested. whats he go to lose... no contact at all or give it a shot is what hes communicating to me. If you paid and contacted her can she respond without paying? --edit-- ive been on dating sites where i thought DAMN i wish they contact me... and to no avail. so are you saying only guys want that type of contact i think its a different thing between different ppl and different pairs of ppl. i cant say its the same all the way round. Link to comment
jaysfan2000 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Well, I have conversed with a few woman on that site despite having a free account, but that was only because they had paid memberships so they were able to write personalized messages to me. I never express interest in anyone on that site because I wouldn't be able to follow up. I just keep my profile up in case a woman expresses interest in me. This is one of the rare cases where a woman expressed interest and didn't follow up, clearly because she (like me) is on a free account. I know it's really cheap on my part (not paying for the service), but given all my other expenses I don't think paying for a dating site is really that high a priority for me. I don't want my bad luck with woman to derail my common sense when it comes to finances. However, I do have trouble meeting women in person, so I try to take advantage of these online opportunities if they look legitimate (and this one does). I appreciate the feedback. I knew this would lead to a mixed reaction, as I myself feel a bit creepy even thinking about doing it. It was just a stab in the dark on Google which I didn't think would actually work. Maybe I will give it a few days to see if I can come up with something less stalkerish, but outside of actually breaking down and paying for the service, I can't think of one darn thing. Oh well. Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Honestly, I think your best shot is to tell her the truth. Tell her you're worried she'll find you creepy, but then make a joke about it. Say something like, "I was worried you might find me creepy for doing this, but then I figured, there are a lot of creepy people online, so how do I know I'm not the one taking the risk by revealing my Facebook profile to you?" Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Honestly, I think your best shot is to tell her the truth. Tell her you're worried she'll find you creepy, but then make a joke about it. Say something like, "I was worried you might find me creepy for doing this, but then I figured, there are a lot of creepy people online, so how do I know I'm not the one taking the risk by revealing my Facebook profile to you?" agreed. honest isnt ever wrong. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Honestly, I think your best shot is to tell her the truth. Tell her you're worried she'll find you creepy, but then make a joke about it. Say something like, "I was worried you might find me creepy for doing this, but then I figured, there are a lot of creepy people online, so how do I know I'm not the one taking the risk by revealing my Facebook profile to you?" pointing out that you KNOW it's creepy and you did it anyways...EVEN CREEPIER! Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 pointing out that you KNOW it's creepy and you did it anyways...EVEN CREEPIER! Fine, then just write and say, "I'm taking a big risk doing this because you could be the stalker type, but you looked like someone interesting and I'd like to get to know you." Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 pointing out that you KNOW it's creepy and you did it anyways...EVEN CREEPIER! youve never liked someone and wanted them to contact you. what if she wants to give info but sites permit that. I know a chick who tried sending her email to me but couldnt cause the email got deleted everytime she contacted me via aim found on another site as i had the same sn as my name there and she told me she tried. Link to comment
ErikT Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I know others have asked it, but What do you have to lose? If you do stalk...I mean contact her, you will never, ever talk to you. If you do contact her she will either respond, or tell her friends, "some creepy dude is stalking me." So bottom line is this: Do nothing 0% chance of talking to her, Stalk her: 33.3% chance of talking to her. OR You can start off the potential relationship with a sham, and just send her a msg on Facebook saying, "Hey, I saw your profile and you look/sound interesting," and see what happens.... Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I know others have asked it, but What do you have to lose? If you do stalk...I mean contact her, you will never, ever talk to you. If you do contact her she will either respond, or tell her friends, "some creepy dude is stalking me." So bottom line is this: Do nothing 0% chance of talking to her, Stalk her: 33.3% chance of talking to her. OR You can start off the potential relationship with a sham, and just send her a msg on Facebook saying, "Hey, I saw your profile and you look/sound interesting," and see what happens.... us guys are all creepy lol. do it! Link to comment
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