Unbalanced

[SMP]

Hey, so I'm 21, my girlfriend is 18. We haven't had sexual intercourse yet, but we are sexually active all the same (i.e. everything but). Lately, though I frequently pleasure her with my mouth or hand (which she obviously enjoys), she isn't at all interested in touching me sexually. It's somewhat hurtful, and very frustrating when I'm working my damndest to see that she's satisfied, and not getting any effort on her part in this arena. Am I overreacting by getting upset? Or is this something I should bring up with her?

[savignon]

Bring it up and coach her along....most girls are mortified to start initiating that kind of thing if they've never done it before. She may be timid b/c she fears she'll "do it wrong" ...if it's entirely unfamiliar territory, show her around!

[xCOREx]

Bring it up. obviously it means a lil something to you as you are posting about it just do it in a way that is forgiving. I'd say talk about it and make sure that she gets the point but doesnt feel pressure off the bat. GL

[rosephase]

talk to her about it. It might be some idea that doing something to you is different then you doing something to her. Like it's a step closer to sex, which might be frightening if she feels like she isn't ready for it.

[ghost69]

let her explore you on her own without you touching her at the same time. tell her what feels good and bad.

[hk87]

My bf and I haven't had sex but everything but as well.

The thought of touching him "down there" was terrifying at first. I had never done it before so I didn't really know what to do.

I told him and he showed me what he liked by moving my hands, making noise when something was good.

I'm so glad he did that, then later he gave me loads of good points about what I did so I wouldn't feel that I was awful at it.

As we've both gotten more comfortable with things we say what we like and want more of while performing the act.

It gets easier, just talk to her, honestly.

 

hk87

[franfran]

She's probably scared. She has no idea what she's doing and probably fears she'll screw up, do something stupid, hurt you, fail at making you cum, etc. I'd take her hands and coach her, make her feel more comfortable. She'll end up doing it on her own eventually.

[SMP]

Well I identified the source of the problem. She dumped me this afternoon. The end. More misery. Thanks for the advice all the same...

[mr_iwi]

One small consolation is that you've come to the right place. I'm sure most of us joined this forum after a break up, so you are in good company. There's an awful lot of advice on here already, and I'm sure you'll find some relevant to you without any problems. You will also be able to see for yourself that it's not the end of the world, and that there are many other people with bigger problems.

 

Stay rational about it and you'll pull yourself through.

[SMP]

Yes, I'm making an effort to do this. I know I'll recover in time, but it's always the worst when I wake up. It's as though I don't remember for the first split second, and then it hits me. My brain is flooded with images and memories of her.

 

My chest feels like it will burst sometimes. Like I can't get enough air, even though I'm breathing as deeply and soothingly as I can manage. She made me so happy, and I feel like there's just this empty space inside me where she belongs, but I know she'll never fill it again.

 

I know this is nothing new, and there's not much to say to me about it - I just need to tell someone.

 

Though she said that she didn't want to lose me as a friend, I've deleted all photos of us/her, and destroyed/tossed anything she ever gave me. Is this the right move, do you think? It hurt me to rid myself of that which brought her face back to mind, but looking at those pictures of her and me, the both of us so happy, it's like twisting the knife that she left in my stomach.