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Too Jealous or not?


lpstudio

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My girlfriend and I have been together just over a year and have mutual friends which is how we met. I am 37 and she is 36 and I am divorced due to being cheated on. The problem is one friend and his room mate. The friend I suspect has feelings for her although he does seem to be going after my girlfriends friend and the room mate was with my girlfriend just before I was.

 

I get jealous and have anxiety when she hangs out with the group with or without me. There is a ski weekend coming up and she wants to go where it is going to be a big party as the guys drink all weekend. Her girlfriend wants her to go but I am very uncomfortable with this. I feel like a weekend with drinking and an ex may not be a good sign. I have my son that weekend so I can't go.

 

We have talked about it and are in counseling about the jealousy. I am not sure if I should worry she is a good person. I told her last night it might be a deal breaker if she goes but I don't know what to do. I don't want to give her an ultimatum or try and control her I want her to do what she feels is right. I think any advice would be great. We talked about maybe her checking in once in a while to help but I don't know if I will feel any better.

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Honestly, I think that because she hasn't cheated on you, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I don't really think you have the right to tell her not to go unless you have strong reasons to believe she may cheat.

 

If she wanted to cheat on you, she could do this any time, not just at a party with her friends.

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Honestly, I think that because she hasn't cheated on you, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I don't really think you have the right to tell her not to go unless you have strong reasons to believe she may cheat.

 

If she wanted to cheat on you, she could do this any time, not just at a party with her friends.

Well said!! If my boyfriend told me it could be a dealbreaker to go away one weekend with mutual friends, that'd be that. Deal broken!

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I don't think that her cheating is the issue for me because I don't think she would. I know the anxiety and worry will be intense as I have anxiety. I have never asked her not to do anything before but I feel like I wish she would not go.

 

We also had talked about the same weekend taking my son on a road trip so that wouldn't happen. I feel like something better has come up.

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Look at it from her point of view....she wants to go away with friends who are also your friends for a fun ski weekend and she shouldn't go b/c you get anxious about something you yourself say won't happen?? What's in this relationship for her? Guilt? Pressure? Ultimatums? No, thanks!

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Look at it this way- if she does agree not to go just to make you less anxious, she will likely resent it. She might not even know that she resents it, yet, until six months later you guys are no longer having sex and the relationship is a mess because of all the resentment. That's how these things work.

 

For the sake of the relationship, trust her and tell her to have a great time. You have to face your fears to conquer them. When she comes back from the weekend and you see that nothing has happened, it will reinforce a better mindset for you.

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For the sake of the relationship, trust her and tell her to have a great time. You have to face your fears to conquer them. When she comes back from the weekend and you see that nothing has happened, it will reinforce a better mindset for you.

 

This is great advice!

 

This is "your" quirk - not hers. She hasn't done anything wrong. Embrace the weekend getaway, tell her to have fun and that you will see her when she gets home. My boyfriend is off to Vegas this weekend, and that's exactly what I told him.

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In my relatively short time on this planet...

I've found that feeding that monster that is jealousy... Only makes it grow.

 

I agree with Dahlia and Brown... Best way to kill it off - Advise her to go, keep in touch, wish her the best time, and if it's really gonna kill ya... Take your son to a baseball game or a movie... Find something your son likes to do to distract you from your jealousy beast.

 

Best of luck!

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