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Ode to the Nice Guys


leo73

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I found this online and thought I would share it with everyone. Enjoy!

 

Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

 

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and * * * * * ing about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

 

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

 

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

 

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative * * * * * es. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

 

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

 

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

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Notice you never see any women writing odes to nice guys

 

That's because they forget about you until they need you. You're basically an emotional tampon, and you don't need tampons every day.

 

It's a very interesting piece, but I still say that from almost any perspective it's better to be an ass than a nice guy in this particular area. Vindication WON'T come because of how skeptical people are. People assume anyone THAT nice is operating with an agenda, or perhaps their own self-esteem is so low that they feel they deserve to be treated worse and aren't comfortable with the nice guy routine. Who really knows? All I can say is that most nice guys need to understand that the only reward they're going to receive is the realization that they are indeed nice and whatever comfort that brings to one's conscience, because women don't wrap their legs around nice, they don't get excited about nice, they don't get freaky with nice. They * * * * the other guy and it's your job to be the emotional aspect of the relationship that the other guy can't provide, so don't pat yourself on the back...just stop. Stop helping them. They don't deserve it.

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Sad but true. Younger girls will always be more attarcted to the jerk, however as girls mature and become older, they tend to settle down with the "nice guy."

 

So theres a happy ending. At first the a$$hole jerk gets laid all the time, but in time, the nice guy wins.

 

Yea!

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Sad but true. Younger girls will always be more attarcted to the jerk, however as girls mature and become older, they tend to settle down with the "nice guy."

 

So theres a happy ending. At first the a$$hole jerk gets laid all the time, but in time, the nice guy wins.

 

Yea!

 

Agreed, but the problem with that is a lot of "would have been" nice guys become jaded and bitter having to wait as they watch a girl have her cake and then come to you for something stable and now she wants to eat it to. The basic problem with this is that 75% of them don't deserve the nice guy --they deserve what they are chasing. The problem is that nice guys REFUSE to hold them accountable because at times their standards are so low so it's simply forgive and forget and here's your new great life after you just chased the exact opposite of what she's with now for years.

 

Utterly hilarious.

 

Have some respect and be an ass. No one else is going to look out for you or put you first, so it's time to start doing that ourselves.

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You're right, these 75% of girls don't deserve the nice guys at the end. But, I don't think these nice guys really care. After all, isn't that what makes them nice? They forgive and forget.

 

But from mine and your perspective, these girls don't deserve to have their cake and eat it too. That shyt would never fly with me

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Sad but true. Younger girls will always be more attarcted to the jerk, however as girls mature and become older, they tend to settle down with the "nice guy."

 

So theres a happy ending. At first the a$$hole jerk gets laid all the time, but in time, the nice guy wins.

 

Yea!

 

This is what I have encountered.. with my sons and some of their friends while one is more of a rebel than the other, but they are both sweet young men and most girls their age don't see that.

 

I was the same way... I picked the bad boy first... and while it brought me a beautiful daughter... it also brought LOTS of heartache.

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(because women don't wrap their legs around nice, they don't get excited about nice, they don't get freaky with nice. They * * * * the other guy and it's your job to be the emotional aspect of the relationship that the other guy can't provide, so don't pat yourself on the back...just stop. Stop helping them. They don't deserve it.)

 

Well put Tyler! I think there is some rebellion aspect that they are trying to work out against their responsible and caring father figures whom they eventually end up marrying anyway. Nice guys may finish last but the bad boys don't finish at all.

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Come on...The 'nice guy' is really just a guy with no guts, no courage and no backbone. A 'nice guy', is just someone who isn't aggressive enough or savvy enough to date women and instead becomes a doormat in life. It's someone who doesn't get what he wants because he doesn't have the confidence and social skills to get it....It's a joke and you can't blame women. I don't. 'Nice guys' are really just reactive people who don't take initiative and get what they want. Why would a woman want to date someone like that???? I wouldn't.

 

 

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Come on...The 'nice guy' is really just a guy with no guts, no courage and no backbone. A 'nice guy', is just someone who isn't aggressive enough or savvy enough to date women and instead becomes a doormat in life. It's someone who doesn't get what he wants because he doesn't have the confidence and social skills to get it....It's a joke and you can't blame women. I don't. 'Nice guys' are really just reactive people who don't take initiative and get what they want. Why would a woman want to date someone like that???? I wouldn't.

 

 

Sounds to me like you've never had a nice guy in your life to have such a negative attitude toward them. I think the nice guys are doormats because they tend to respect women more than other men do. Do girls want guys who don't respect them? I hope not.

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I'm not negative at all. I was once a self proclaimed 'nice guy', but then one day realized i wasn't being acutalized because i wasn't confident enough. I was being negative about my abilities. One day I just realized that women want to be sexual with men that are successful, driven, know what they want and aren't afraid to get it. I respect women more than I 'nice guy', because I love them, care for them, respect their limits, but at the same time give them sexual attention, make them happy and never once have I 'hurt a woman'. I'm nice to that extent, but I'm not going to buddy buddy with a girl while she's out banging other guys. I'm not a shoulder to cry on when some jerk screws them. I'm not a selfless guy who is sexually repressed and can't get on a sexual flow with women....that's what nice guys are. They dont' have a sexual connection with women and think that if they become friends that hopefully one day the girl will fall in love with them. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. I am proactive, nice guys are reactive. I create what I want to happen in my life, nice guys hope one day it will happen to them. That's the primary difference.

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This is the reason I have put a rule on my female friend -> "You cannot talk about your boyfriends or the guys you are dating. If you do not like this then the friendship ends right here".

 

She has been following that rule for 3.5 years

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I guess it's all about risk. Nice guys aren't willing to risk being rejected by the women they are friends with so just stay in the friend-zone. Good point about making things happen in your life. I agree. But I think those nice guys should be prepared for the rejection before they attempt a move...otherwise it could just destroy them.

 

Personally, I've noticed that women will string out a bad relationship longer than they do a good one. Although I would like to have another longterm relationship, I don't think I am willing to disrespect my woman to do it. I wouldn't say I'm the "nice guy" anymore but remnants do linger...that's why I posted this Ode. Sort of reminiscing.

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Personally, I've noticed that women will string out a bad relationship longer than they do a good one.

 

I have noticed that too and for the life of me cannot understand why they do it.... That's actually when I realized that the whole "we want a nice guy" were just words and we should not take it seriously.

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I need to make a post here even tho I'm a chick. I once was a nice girl, and to a certain extent I still am. but I am jaded and broken by all the jerks who have screwed me over and am no longer as nice as I use to be. I am nice by my loving actions, but honestly, i have some internal demons that are constantly telling me to be a biyatch so i don't get played. it's horrible.

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I need to make a post here even tho I'm a chick. I once was a nice girl, and to a certain extent I still am. but I am jaded and broken by all the jerks who have screwed me over and am no longer as nice as I use to be. I am nice by my loving actions, but honestly, i have some internal demons that are constantly telling me to be a biyatch so i don't get played. it's horrible.

 

that's what this thread is about

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It's such a vicious cycle. Sometimes I'm scared that i WILL meet a nice guy and will be totally blind to it because I don't think anyone can be a good person nowadays. So then I will meet this great guy, treat him like ish, and then he will leave me. And then he will be so jaded and become a "bad" guy.

 

Who am I kidding... I don't have the heart to be a mean person. i give everything i have to the one i am with, only to be stepped on every time. This thread is making me depressed, I need to get out of here. hahah

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