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think I've fallen for a straight woman


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I know there isn't really a solution but I just wanted to talk about it. This time last year I broke up with my gf of 3 years and was very cut up about it and wrote numerous threads about it on here. After that I ran away to sea to work on cruise ships to try and get over my ex. I do still miss her but I can see that she hurt me a lot over and over and had no regard for my feelings, and although I feel a bit sad when I think about her I know I'm better off without her.

Anyway, I'm back on leave at the moment but whilst working on my last ship I started to really like someone in my department. I knew that she was straight and had a bf and it made me feel so sad and jealous. I told a couple of people about my last relationship and I know that it got back to her although she never mentioned it, so I think she knew that I like women. I think she may have guessed I liked her as well because we used to have these kind of 'moments' where we would make eye contact for a long time and just smile if that makes any sense. She used to randomly put her arms around me a lot as well and hold my hands and ask if they were cold. But I knew it was going to happen and everytime I saw her with her bf it really hurt. On my last day I went to say goodbye to her and found out that she had got off the ship to go shopping.

She knew that I was leaving that day but didn't even try to say goodbye. I was so hurt.. I text her and she didn't reply until the next day. She said that she was sorry that she missed me and that her and her bf would see me when they got on leave if I wanted. I know that this is never going to go anywhere. Even if I saw her when she is on leave, we are both going on different ships after that and I might never even see her again. Plus she is clearly straight and happy with her bf. I just can't stop thinking about her. I think she is so beautiful and amazing and I find it so frustrating that I'll never have a chance because I'm female. I just wanted to talk about it because I feel really sad. I have a lot of male attention but never female because every woman I ever meet is straight. ](*,)

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I think you should treat her just as if you were a straight woman and met a wonderful man who is married. off limits. I don't think she "owed" it to you to come say goodbye. She had to take care of what she planned to do, and probably considered you a friend, or someone she was friendly with, but I don't think she was thinking about you like you were her. Do you think you meet amazing women who are straight, just like girls who are straight meet unavailable men serially?

 

Anyway, I don't really know how a woman would go about knowing if other women were gay, maybe if you just are happy with yourself, someone will approach you and take a chance on you not knowing if you are gay or straight.

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I'm aware that she is off limits, and also that she didn't owe me a goodbye. I never said she did... it doesn't stop it hurting though, and I just wanted to talk about it. Maybe with people who have had similar experiences or who have something nice to say. I know that straight women also meet men that are unavailable, but the likelihood of women being unavailable to me is obviously far greater because the majority of people are heterosexual.

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Hi samantha,

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think all gay people go through this at some point in their life. I've been there... I fell in love with my best friend in undergrad. Not only was he straight but he was quite conservative and I thought it would be a terrible idea to tell him that I was gay. Fortunately I haven't seen him much after graduation but I still think about him on occasion. He was a really beautiful guy, and I never got to tell him how I felt. Ah, well.

 

Here are some of the things that helped me the most when I was going through this-

 

1) Talking with my close friends helped enormously, just getting things off of my chest

2) Joining a gay-support group- pretty much all gay people go through the same thing, so it's nice to know you're not alone.

3) Doing things I wouldn't normally do to try and meet gay people- going to the bars (occasionally), telling all my friends to set me up with guys if they knew somebody eligible, internet dating, I joined a gay choir, etc. etc. Just knowing that there are other people to date out there is encouraging.

4) Talking with my doctor- I became very depressed during this experience and she helped to make sure that things didn't get out of hand. I didn't have to take medication but she did help me to be careful managing depression.

 

I'm sorry that you feel so alone.... I know the feeling. Just know that there are plenty of gay people out there, many of whom are in exactly the same boat you are.

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thanks pianoguy, that is a helpful post. It's just that working on cruise ships I never meet any gay women and obviously don't have the opportunity to go to gay bars and such. There is a lot of gay men on ships though! It would help if I knew I had the opportunity to meet other women.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 weeks later...

Hey Samantha

 

I know you made this thread like a month ago but how glad am I that I came accross it. Been looking everywhere online for people in this situation. Because I am currently in the exact same situation with a co-worker. She has a house with her boyfriend of 4 years or something so pretty sure it wont be ending any time soon and just need someone to talk to bout it, coz it just sucks. i cant get her out of my mind. Thing with my situation is that at our christmas party I got veeeeeeery drunk and told her how i felt and for the life of me i cannot remember her response!!! (p.s. i am not out at work to everyone). aww... its just such a long story that i just wanna release.

 

p.s sorry, i know this isnt an actual response to your questions but this was the only way i could communicate with u.

 

xxxxxxx

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hey, sounds like you're in the exact same situation as me. I think I did the same thing.. I got really drunk, and she walked me back to my room and put me in my pyjamas. As she turned to leave I'm pretty sure I said 'don't go, I need to tell you I love you'. I was mortified in the morning and the worst part is I have no idea how she responded either. She never mentioned that conversation again and nor did I.. I think she thinks I was too drunk to remember saying it. Do you wanna pm me? I could give u my msn if you wanna chat more x x

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You will find someone beautiful and amazing who isn't straight, once you stop believing this woman is the only woman in the world. If you ever find yourself feeling attracted to someone unavailable, stop it immediately. Don't let her hold your hands or your gaze. Look away, move away. Some women love their boyfriends but are curious and not opposed to some action on the side. I suggest avoiding these situations at all cost; you will only end up hurt, if not beaten to a pulp. A woman I once worked with was getting married in a few weeks and started leaving love notes at my desk, and then finding ways to be alone with me. She said something to the effect that, if I was interested, the marriage wouldn't change anything. I slept over another coworker's house and awoke to find her in the bed. Her fiance almost punched me in the face although I was completely innocent. I quit that job.

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awww really, bet you wanted her to bring it up! Thats how i felt when I saw L at work the next week. I actually tried to avoid her (crappy I know) but i didnt want her to feel uncomfortable. The worse thing is I am sure (when i was drunk) she responded postively. I just cant ask her about it now coz it would take the piss seeing as she is in a serious relationship. plus lately I feel like shes been a bit distant and i dont know why because all this happened around xmas and she was fine with me after. Just the past 2 weeks shes been weird. Hows your situation now? heard from her much? I will leave it up to you if u wanna pm me, dont want u to feel you have to but incase, my msn is email removed x

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