Is this an irrational feeling?

[abitbroken]

I am am at almost 3 months of NC. The only contact has been legal papers, etc. but I don't count that.

 

Anyways, my husband has two nephew. One in his 20s who, I am sorry to say, is a tempermental and ungrateful person who has refused to get a job...ever...quit school..and just watches sports all day and barks orders to his mom and grandmother.

 

His younger nephew is a delightful 7 year old boy who is very bright. In fact, he tends to figure things out way before anyone else in the family.

 

One day we were driving in the car with the younger nephew, and my sister-in-law and I was very surprised to hear that he had "just" figured out that my husband was his uncle. Well...he knew he was his uncle but didn't know how. I.e. he didn't know he was his mom's brother. Anyway, even though I had been together with my husband since before the 7 year old was born, and we got married when he was 3, the boy has never been explained that I am now his aunt (or was his aunt).

 

I basically was treated by the other sister in law (not the mother of the boy) that I was "his uncle's wife." BTW, no one in the family calls anyone Aunt so and so, etc, everyone is on a first name basis except for if you are talking to your parents, they are mom and dad, mom and pop or whatever, etc.

 

Anyways, today it really hit me big. and it has hit me before. I worry about that little boy. First he lost one uncle, because the SIL that was married to him ran him off and the whole family got involved. He was close with his uncle. Then, his grandmother had a nervous breakdown in front of him. The boys father loves him completely and is very good to him, but is an alcoholic and he has to hear his grandmother and aunt talk in front of him that his dad is no good (dad lives with him, just is not so good at not drinking before coming home from work. He is not violent when he drinks..just falls asleep. oh and the boy doesn't know anyone on his dad's side. They live far away and he has no relationship with any of them exceot a grandmother who sends cards but he has only seen once). Of course, now I am out of his life.

 

Since his aunts and uncles are all divorced, and he knows that his mom was married before because his brother has a different dad, I wonder i he could ever turn out to have a healthy view of marriage or even be sane.

 

I know other people have gone through families where people divorce and come out fine, but I can't imagine looking at everyone in your family (grandfather died but grandmother constantly rants and raves that she shouldn't have stayed married, aunts, uncles, etc) and no one sticks around.

 

The uncle that was left by the SIL was good to the little boy too, and my SIL (not the one who has the kid, but the one who divorced) refused to let him see her nephew, so he has no relationship with him either.

 

Am I irrational to be thinking about my ex-nephew? I won't be able to contact him ever again of course, but I just pray that somehow he grows up with a decent head on his shoulders?

[savignon]

I don't see why he wouldn't turn out with a good head on his shoulders. People can be important figures in your life whether you know them for a short time, long time, wheter they're family or a friend of the family....

I would say if people he saw on a daily basis suddenly disappeared, he might not get it, but aunts and uncles coming and going....he'll be okay. How many of us come from divorced families like this and turn out okay?? ....me, for one!

[abitbroken]

Well...the thing is that it is a very small family. A grandmother. Him and his parents, brother, one aunt, and one uncle (my husband). There is no relationship with his father's side of the family. No one else has kids. He really was into our dogs and his aunts dogs. But minus out our dogs because they are with me. His family shrunk by two within a year. If he had a large extended family like I do - 15 cousins, 12 aunts and uncles, etc, plus cousins kids, i might feel differently.

 

The dad works a lot but is mentally there for the kid when he is around and not drinking, the mom is there but mentally checked out.

 

So, i shouldn't worry. I had to leave partly because of ongoing physical pushing and shoving by my husband's sister and mom. They don't hit the kids, but have hit the brother in law (kid's dad) before in front of him, and did the same to me. The sister openly says she wants to run the father off too just like she did to me and her husband.

 

I guess they all deserve eachother, except the kid. Hopefully he will be fine. He seems to be the smartest anyways.