hmdreamer7 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 When it comes to dating, what kind of rule(s) do you try to follow, if any? I've heard rules from friends such as: The 3-month rule, I won't sleep with him/her unless we've been together for 3 months The 3-week rule, if he/she doesn't make up a cancelled date by 3 weeks time, I'll stop pursuing it Kissing rule, I never kiss on a first date... or I always kiss on a first date....! My friends always tell me that there aren't any set rules to dating, yet there's always one or two that they've created that they follow! Do you have any rules to dating? Link to comment
mijo Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I wont sleep with someone until I am happy to wake up with them the following morning and know that it wont be uncomfortable. No set timelines though, but it is never after 1 date obviously. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 RULE #1 - Never go back to his place/hang out at his place on a first or second date. I won't even do it in the first month. However, I would go to his place BEFORE we are going out somewhere to have a drink or to wait for him, etc, or if there is a "set event" Reasons: - there is no natural end time to the date. Not good if you don't hit it off, not good if you do. - you get comfortable too fast, or he may - because he starts to go from courting you to "hanging out". Easy to get friend zoned, too - If you linger on and on and ignore natural cues to leave, you could be seen as needy or desperate where if you were out for drinks, maybe not so much. Of course, there is the reason that you are more likely to sleep with him if the hour gets wee and you are sitting on the sofa, but these rules are assuming that the relationship is too new for sex or you are "waiting" Link to comment
girl68 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My rule is EFF the rules! Don't follow this bull crap wait 3 days to call me. If you like me, show it. That is my rule, if you don't show it "bye bye". Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 When I was dating (and all these rules have certain exceptions). And this was basically before we were exclusive or before we had an understanding that we would see each other regularly on weekends. I did not accept a date on a weekend night if he called after wednesday night I did not sleep with him until we were exclusive, committed, loved each other and with strong potentail for the long term. He had to introduce me to friends/parents before I did (which also depended on geography of course). He had to offer to pay on the first few dates (but I didn't always accept). He had to do most of the asking and planning for at least the first few dates. Pre- computer my sister and I had a rule that until the two of you were an item his phone number was written only in pencil in your address book. That's about it - I'll add that every rule served me very well in screening out those guys who were not that into me. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My rule: as long as she is not a dumb, stuck up, drama queen bimbo, she has a chance. Link to comment
savignon Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If you like me, show it. Perfecto!!! Just about anything falls under that umbrella! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I should add that the focus of my "sleeping together" rule was my values and preferences - it was not to test him. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My rule is that i don't make any rules. would you really want to be with someone who made 'rules' upon meeting you?1?!?! I sure wouldn't. Imagine if you were on a date with someone and were having a really good time on the first date and he or she leans in for a kiss.. and you want to , but someone were to say something anal like, "sorry i don't kiss or sleep with someone on the first date" to me, i'd say thanks but no thaks and it would be instant turnoff. Every situation is different, thereforee I don't think you can make a 3 minute or 3 hour or 3 date or 3 month rule that applies to every situation. especially the 3 month rule for sex. i would never wait that long. For many people, most people i know... the relationship would never last if someone held them to some rule like that. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My rule is EFF the rules! Don't follow this bull crap wait 3 days to call me. If you like me, show it. That is my rule, if you don't show it "bye bye". totally agree! Link to comment
girl68 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I just want a man who is as down for me as I am for him. We didn't "date" we dove right in head first. I like it better this way than waiting becasue he's waiting... wait some more... get a less than enthusiastic call for a date (all because he doesn't want to look "desperate"). Text me the night you meet me, call me the next day, ask me out the day after that- yeah that's desperate all right but I'm desperate for a man to want me so much. Link to comment
girl68 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't understand why three months is such a definitive amount of time. "Well honey, three months is up, we can now have sex without the probability of sex ruining our relationship. Isn't that great?" LOL so true. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't understand why three months is such a definitive amount of time. "Well honey, three months is up, we can now have sex without the probability of sex ruining our relationship. Isn't that great?" I don't get it either... I've had long term relationships after knowing someone for 3 hours... my friend got married to someone she met on a one night stand. What is really the difference between 3 months and 2.376483 months? and why make a time anyway... do the people who have the 3 month rule also say things, like, "first time vaginal and foreplay but no anal until 2 months after the first 4.5 weeks?" Yuck! How calculated. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think there is a difference between "rules" and "boundaries." I think not wanting to sleep with a guy on the first date or until a particular time is a healthy boundary rather than a "rule" Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I guess i never dated enough people in my life to develop any steadfast rules. LOL I was in longterm relatioships most of my life so the men i have dated are few. But when i was dating i knew i wanted exclusivity before sleeping with them, and i knew that i was not going to be the one doing all the calling and pursuing. Any type of dating games were out with me. I didn't intentionally not call for set amount of days or appreciate if i felt he was doing it. I made it clear i didn't like that if the need to say it arose. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I understand the need to test someone, like if they want to have sex, but you're uncomfortable with that, but they're respectful and still willing to see you. However, if someone is asking the other for sex, that seems very forced and contrived to me. If sex is going to happen, it'll happen naturally between two people who are really comfortable with one another. Otherwise, it's just pushing boundaries. I don''t see that as testing someone tho. I would see that as making my boundaries or wishes clear, and if they didn't respect that, it wasn't a very complimentary union. That isn't testing. Testing someone is witholding sex on purpose to see if they will stick around. That isn't something i could ever see myself doing. But sadly many women DO test men like this. they might want sex as bad as he does but they withold it and wave it over his head like a carrot to see how long he will hold out. that is childish. Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 1. Demand the same levels of basic courtesy and respect that you offer to others. This applies to returning calls quickly, being on time, sticking to the arrangements you have made regardless of what other opportunities come up. 2. Do not tolerate dishonesty of any level in the early stages of dating, even "harmless" white lies. This includes heavy rationalizing about things and even plain insincerity. The raw truth is usually easy to figure out. 3. Never apologize for your sexual nature, and for pursuing your legitimate, natural desires in a determined way. Never allow a woman to make you feel bad for making a tasteful sexual pass at her. It's up to her to accept or decline the advance, not to judge you for making it. 4. While dating early on, never tolerate the feeling that you are sitting in a job interview accross the desk from someone who is "red-penciling" your resume', and comparison shopping you against other "applicants." 5. Never allow yourself to be objectified by someone as either a human wallet, a means to some end of theirs but not yours, a free therapist, or as a sex toy at their beck and call. If I actually demanded all these, would never get to the third date, so I need to either lower my basic standards or stick to them more rigidly. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I will no longer date someone who has not attemtped to contact me in 3 days. I have learned if someone is REALLY into you, they will not wait 3 days to get hold of you (email or text is okay...just something). Unless they have a very good reason, I agree with you. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 My rule: as long as she is not a dumb, stuck up, drama queen bimbo, she has a chance. Aw! Shucks! Link to comment
alli Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I won't sleep with someone on a first date. I could try to think of more rules I might unconsciously follow but in all honesty I would probably be making it up as I go. I tend to break my own rules. The one above is the only one I haven't broken. Link to comment
Nutz Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Flakes twice I move on. No sex by 3rd date I move on. No single mothers. No married chicks (including those still going through divorce). That's all that comes to mind. Link to comment
alli Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Flakes twice I move on. No sex by 3rd date I move on. No single mothers. No married chicks (including those still going through divorce). That's all that comes to mind. Oh yeah, I won't date anyone married or someone even casually dating another person. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I wouldn't date someone recently out of a long term relationship. Or anyone who was still pining for an ex-partner. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 For me the rules i had grounded me at a time when I might be too smitten to think clearly. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 1. No doing anything I'm uncomfortable with just because I think the guy is attractive. 2. I'm STD free and fully intend to stay that way. Appropriate measures and testing will ensue. 3. No kids. If the guy has kids under the age of 21 or non-self supporting over 21, no dates. 4. If he is not a "car guy". Sorry, but it instantly means we are not going to get along and we will not date. Proven through 2 relationships - thereforee it is now a rule. Link to comment
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