Change....why am I so anxious?

[elizmdavis]

I'd like to think that I am a "roll with the punches" kind of person. But maybe with some situations, I am not.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 1/2 years. Our routines have pretty much been the same since we started dating. We spent a lot of time together. He started his first job (after completing college) on Monday and is training for that this week. I am trying to now adjust to this new lifestyle of his. I don't hear from him until the evening and there is no "eagerness" in his voice for me to come over anymore (like there used to be). I called him to see how his first day went and he was distracted by watching the game and didn't want to talk. Later he sent me a text message saying it was "easier for him to talk" through text. Later on that night we talked about forming habits in this "time of change" that we would both be comfortable with...I said that constant texting with no talking wouldn't cut it for me. We agreed to send eachother a good morning message and then call eachother at night. Works for me!

 

Problem solved right? I guess...but why do I feel like he is not eager to talk to me anymore? I feel like I could still be with him each night and so forth. Part of me feels like he is pulling away, as if this new job gave him a release from the same ol' thing. That is good, but I don't want to be thought of as "the same ol' thing". For some reason I am uncomfortable this time. We have had a lot of arguments in the passed month. He likes to resolve issues by just saying "No worries, just forget it...they are growing pains...". But meanwhile I am feeling insecure about us because 'was it ever really resolved' and 'are we really ok?' So I am just insecure from that...I feel like we are a little weak as a couple right now. Maybe this is making the change harder on me.

 

I understand needing to break free from the same day-to-day thing...but how can I tell if he still has energy for us anymore? I know that I have the energy...regardless of change. What could I do to treat this situation with more grace? I want him to feel supported and I want to feel loved. I am personally trying to be better to myself this year too...so using grace and having understanding about all of this will really help me.

 

Any ideas are greatly appreciated

[greensleeves]

If he just started a new job and is in training, he's probably feeling under pressure, a bit stressed and tired. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you, maybe just give him some space right now and see if things start to improve in two or three weeks. You need to remember that he's at work and the consequence of not focusing and learning could mean losing the job and since this is his first job, he'll have alot of adjusting to do (and so will you). I don't think that it's unreasonable that you're not hearing from him until the evening, his days will be full and busy right now. Try not to read too much into it, not yet anyway.