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Is she in to me or just enjoying a fine meal at my expense?


relm

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I have been seeing this girl for about a month. I like her and she seems to like me enough to go out with me when I ask. We are definitely still in the "getting to know each other" stage and sure, we had some "foot in mouth" moments ala this skit from Saturday Night Live:

 

Passenger: Ugh, Celine Dion. Anything but that, I cannot stand her. You mind if we change the station?

 

Driver: It's a CD.

 

Passenger: Sorry. Do you mind if we put in a different CD?

 

Driver: They're all Celine.

 

Something a bit like that but nothing too terrible. My question - I have no idea what she thinks of me and I think it is probably too early to ask her if she likes me or where this might be going. How can I tell if she is in to me or if she is just going out with me because I buy her nice dinners and drinks? I think I have upped the flirting but it doesn't seem to be coming back to me...or maybe she is just shy like me (I am very shy so if I can flirt she can too I would think). Any advice from those of you more experienced in the dating world? I think I've made it really clear that I like her but she seems luke-warm still. Should I just still keep going out and give it a few more dates before asking her thoughts? I was thinking of asking her over for the evening next time which might be a huge make or break time...I'm not soo good at reading this stuff in the other person.

 

Thanks!

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Maybe she is just too shy to show her true feelings. Have you tried to kiss her?

 

If you are truly concerned that she is just using you for a free meal, offer to take her on a date that revolves more on doing things, like going to a museum, the zoo, ice skating, etc. If she will only agree to do things that involve you spending money on her, then you have your answer.

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after a month have you tried kissing her??? and yes go on a date thats not dinner and drinks.. and see how she responds...

 

i have known girls. that go on 2 or 3 dates a week.. just to get a free meal.. so they dont spend there money... its sad but it does happen...

 

try kissing her, and do a non dinner date and see how she reacts...

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Um, no.

 

They've been going out a month. So what's that, a half dozen dates give or take?

 

Some girls naturally assume the guy will pay, and if he says nothing then she figures she's right.

 

To "move on" without discussing it is shortsighted and narrowminded.

 

He should explain that he's not made of money and it's reasonable for her to pay, and THEN if she doesn't he should move on.

Speaking as a moderator - please be more careful abut how you comment on other members posts. Please refer to the forum rules regarding disrespect.

 

Speaking as a member - I would not want to be with a woman who naturally assumes that the guy will pay. She must be fairly oblivious to basic notions of fairness if she thinks like that.

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Man you should check out my question... i would tread carefully with any girl who doesn't at least offer to split the bill... its an awful reality of life that there are chicks out there who use nice guys for a free ride, and see them as a dollar bill as opposed to a dude with feelings...

i would for want of a phrase "hop a ball" next time you're out with her, jokingly even.. and say "so is it your turn to pick up the bill" and then pay anyway on principle... but don't be a walkover dude... there's plenty of chicks out there who put more mass in a nice guy as opposed to a nice wallet !!! solas

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Well, we had about 4 dates (lost some time due to the holidays were we each went home and kept in touch through email). I have just kissed her on the last date we were together. She is old fashion in some ways (this is one of them) and extremely progressive in others.

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Man you should check out my question... i would tread carefully with any girl who doesn't at least offer to split the bill... its an awful reality of life that there are chicks out there who use nice guys for a free ride, and see them as a dollar bill as opposed to a dude with feelings...

i would for want of a phrase "hop a ball" next time you're out with her, jokingly even.. and say "so is it your turn to pick up the bill" and then pay anyway on principle... but don't be a walkover dude... there's plenty of chicks out there who put more mass in a nice guy as opposed to a nice wallet !!! solas

 

I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I think the way you propose doing it is unnecessarily passive aggressive or confrontational. I'm sure she'd pay in that case and then I'd likely not see her again I think. I will try to free meal approach but I just have no idea how that will work if we are together for quite some time. If we are going to just cook something, we'd need to go buy groceries or it would be something I had already purchased either way I pay. Grrrrrr. I am still trying to get her to respond favorably to me but not sure where her thoughts are about me. I did step up the flirting so I hope she responds back to let me know I'm not just a dinner plate to her.

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I don't understand this mentality of the guy always having to pay with getting nothing in return.

 

Over here we don't really do dating so much among young people. Usually you will hook up with someone and the dating comes after. By that stage you've likely already got your 'moneys worth'. If I am paying for a date and the girl wants a second, she should killed me at the end of the first date. If not then I assume she is not interested in me.

 

If she likes me and we're dating it should get progressively more physical. Otherwise she is just using you. This is a time when women are not afraid of sex. So unless you can come to some explicit agreement. Or you can obviously tell she is not that type of girl. After 4 dates I'd expect some decent physical activity or I'd wonder if she is interested in me or not and probably put the ball in her court.

 

Think about it.. if she likes you she should be getting physical by now.

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I don't understand this mentality of the guy always having to pay with getting nothing in return.

 

Think about it.. if she likes you she should be getting physical by now.

 

Well, I think this started from the 1950's when women didn't work and socially weren't expected to pursue careers. Just a guess but I think that is where the tradition came from.

 

I know we should be physical by now, but maybe she is waiting for me to make the move and I am the quiet/shy type...so just to call her on the phone takes A LOT of pysching myself. I know its lame, but I am trying to overcome lots of stuff and doing my best. That is why kissing her was a big deal for me but for her probably "is that it? so long for that??"

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