Any advice welcome. Im just your average shy guy.

[Sea Of Sorrow]

I just joined. I would appreciate any advice.

 

Im 17, 18 in a few months, and a senior in High School. Im your typical shy guy. I have never had a girlfriend or a date ever. And if things keep going the way they are I will probably never have one. Im a virgin, never kissed, etc. Im not an acctractive guy by any means but I do have some good points. Im somewhat smart, funny, (so im told) a good listener, and I have a great sense of humor. I have friends and they have girlfriends or at least dates and its getting harder and harder for me to explain why I never have either. I don't know why. It just doesnt happen for me. Im the romantic type though Ive never experienced any romance. I would love to make someone happy. I spend a lot of time thinking about it and its beginning to make me crazy. I try to keep it out of my mind but it doesnt work.

 

There is nothing I want more in life than love. Im always thinking about it, and I can't help but dwell on it. I know love is the most important thing.

 

When I graduate HS Im not going to college. I have enlisted in the Army and im going to basic training in June. I will be training as an Infantryman. I love my country, and she loves me back. I would give my life for my country and all the people who have something to live for. Im a very patroitic guy, and ive always been. Thats just me. My family has a military history and its just our job. Me being in the military might make things more complicated if I ever do find a relationship but this is my calling and I can't abandon it.

 

Enough about that.

 

If I ever do get in the position to have a relationship how do I explain to her that I have never even kissed, still a virgin, etc? This is my biggest question.

[Lootz]

dude you need a serious confidence boost.

i know where your coming from broseph because im not a great looking guy either but ive got a smokin gf.

the key is to dress nice not gay

and secondly not worry about it. i promise you the oppurtunity will rise sooner or later.

but in the mean time dont look for a gf look for a friend who is a girl and who you find attractive and if you have something in common there you go.

besides kissings not hard so you wont have to tell her about it virginity on the other hand is something i cant help you with

 

 

PS dont look for a wife. look for a person to have fun with

[Dark]

dude you need a serious confidence boost.

Dude, easy for u to say! Im going through it myself. Take everything that this guy told about him, change the gender, and you got me! it's not easy to boost ur confidence like they say everywhere! I just realized that it comes with time and there is nothing you can do about it

[katerinacs]

Hi,

 

First of all, what girls are attracted to the most is a guy's confidence, because what we want is to feel protected and that is simply projected through a guy's confidence.

 

It does not sound like you are shy, because you have sense of humor; probably, you just haven't found the right person, or someone that has the same things in common as you, or simply someone that you feel comfortable around (that's the most important thing).

 

There is nothing wrong with being virgin, not have kissed, etc., some girls even like that, because they feel special (of course, as long as you keep acting as you know what you're doing, remember we like confidence). As long as you are honest, funny (and you already have that), and project confidence, you are good to go. However, do keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to do things. Don't feel bad because you haven't found the right person. Some of us, have stayed single for over two years, and enjoying it, because it's the only way we can learn and appreciate when that special person comes around. Don't force things, they will come your way. Good luck!

[Sea Of Sorrow]

I always hear about this confidence thing. Whatever it is, I don't have it, have never had it, and probably never will have it. Without it is there any hope?

[katerinacs]

No... Confidence is how you project yourself to others. It shows how much you respect yourself and take care f yourself and, thereforeeee, how much you would respect and care for others. Confidence (or self-respect) doesn't just fall from the sky; it is something you build slowly. If you don't have it, then if you ever find a girlfriend you will be really unhappy, because you will always feel insecure and a lesser person. I'm telling you this, because my exboyfriend was sort of like that and we were really unhappy, even though we had fun being with each other and all, it's just that he didn't have any confidence in himself; thereforeeee, he was always insecure of me, when he really was only insecure of himself... Think about it, and you will only be able to achieve it if you try to do so. If you repeat to yourself that you will never be confident of who you are, you never will. Best of luck.

[imatt]

katerinacs: what do you mean "he was always insecure of me"?

[Mandoro]

Im the same as you except a step ahead. The only thing I have over you is the fact that I do things that I may regret not doing later, even if it does seem a little risky.

 

A good example is that I used to never talk to anyone, especially girls. Well when people started talking to me I talked back, I carried on a conversation, girls and boys. Now I got a friend that is a girl (not g/f) and a few more friends, but everyone does know me and when I go down teh hallways at school they say, "sup ___"

 

I figure you gain confidence my taking risks that you may regret later on. So well, just take those risks. Another thing ya might want to do is maybe project yourself. This may not be for you but its an idea.

[eviljedi]

The first step to gaining confidence is realizing your low on it, I used to be a shy guy and stuff until I actually realized what I was doing wrong, now im not so shy and I feel much better, even though I don't have a gf. The next time your in a shop or something just think, what would make this person feel better, compliment them, nice hair etc. Overtime you will learn to do this without even thinking, its a gradual process.

 

Have Fun

[Derek]

Doh!

The guy is going in the military, he's got a built in chick magnet just by having that uniform.

 

Back to the confidence thing, the military teachs it in many areas. Leadership skills, drill sergeants and all that.

It's about being sure of who you are and what you know.

 

Maybe a military systematic approach would work.

 

How about this:

Make a list of all the girls around you, even the average girls.

Force yourself to talk to all of them, even if it's just "hi, how are you". Even the average girls, even the girls no one else talks to.

Check each one off the list.

 

Now make a new check box and ask each one of them to a 20 minute

"walk" to talk for 15-20 minutes. Yes, even the average girls.

Consider it like an experiment and check each of them off as you do that.

You could even tell em straight up, you were trying to get to know people before you have to leave to the military.

 

Then make another list of possibles, and ask em out for ice cream or something. Check them off as you do it. Then see what happens.

Don't expect anything huge, just be casual.

 

 

If you are gonna be willing to kill someone, talking ain't so hard.

 

 

 

[RDW]

It really sucks to feel like you have to explian your not having a girlfriend and being a virgin to your friends. I'm a virgin also and sometimes I actually have to get away from my friends because of what they say. I know my friends are kidding but it seems so wrong for them to talk about my business which to me is serious, sometimes it feels like I will never have anyone to be with. I'm 24 years old and kinda learning about how to deal with this extra baggage I carry (being a virgin). To me it feels like I have to go and just get It over with just do my thang, but It just dosen't fell like the right thing to do. I also feel real lonely and sometimes depressed because I think I will never have a wife or a family to love because of my little self esteem problems, and just my being nervous to have sex. But It can't be like this forever. I know that it can suck to think of yourself as not good looking, But looks don't always count, there are girls who will like you for your good qualities such as being funny, and smart, but telling youself you don't look good is a hard hit to your confidence. Its hard to be positive when you feel so unattractive which was a big problem for me in high school. But you just got to be thankful for who you are and what you have to offer people, like making friends laugh and just having fun with your life. There is someone for everyone, and I will find the person I'm looking for, and I'm sure you will find someone too it just takes a little time. Don't get discouraged by my being older and having the same problems because everyone is different, and it just taking me a little longer to find a good girlfriend, but It also took me time to build up my confidence, and I get a little better everyday. Also don't dwell on not having kissed a girl or being a virgin, your time will come and you'll find someone. Just don't pressure yourself, and you should'nt have to explain why you don't have a girlfriend, It's your life.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Just out of curiosity, how well do you think you are going to do in the military if you don't have any confidence? That would seem like a key part of being a good killer. The army is not something you have to do just because your family has done it for a while. Who cares if your family has done it? You just get to learn how to kill people, and be disciplined. Doesn't sound like a good future career to me. Plan some more, go make some friends with some girls, it is really easy if you don't like, lust after them, and you just want to be their friend. Good Luck.