Advice for Affection in a Relationship

[Xplode]

Quick question for the women out there. men also.

 

I Find myself putting more effort in, when it comes to love and affection. Im the one that will feel the urge to send a message out of the blue, just telling her i love her and how much i appreciate the things she does in my life.

 

Am i expecting too much from someone with obvious affection/intimacy issues? or am i expecting the her to act the same way as i do in regards to showing affection..

 

so my questiton to the ladies, do any of you relate to similar circumstances. or do you show affection in differentways.. and im just not appreciating her way of showing it?

[ghost69]

who is her? you gf/wife/fiancee/some girl you admire?

[tinydancer81]

It would help to know who she is and how long you've been together?

 

But on a personal preferance, i prefer small gestures and PDA, not too over the top,there is a time and a place. I show my affection in the way i talk to my SO or in how i interact with that person.

[wurth_skidder]

Xplode, I'm actually the same way, and what I've learned is that not all girls are going to respond how we expect them to to the small things. Some actually don't know how to react because they may have never been with a guy who does these things. Regardless, everyone shows affection in different ways, and that's a good thing.

 

My girlfriend doesn't do any of the sappy little things I do, but she tells me that she likes when I do. That's enough to make me feel appreciated. She also usually sends me little silly texts about her day that at least let me know she's thinking of me. She smiles a lot when I'm with her, so I know she's happy with me.

 

I'm sure your girlfriend does things that maybe you hadn't looked at from this perspective. Just because it's not the same as what you do doesn't mean it's not just as meaningful. It all depends on whether what she does is enough to make you feel like you're getting the same attention in some way. If it's not 50/50, then you should talk to her about it.

[Scorpion Fury]

If you're exclusive, I don't think taking time out of a person's day sometimes to do little things, like call randomly or email just to say I love you, or things like that are too much to ask. They help a relationship stay strong.

[drewciouS281]

ive found that at some points when i find myself giving more affection then recieving it, the girl has the higher hand. When i back off and dont care as much, then i will start receiving it more. As much as it sucks, no matter how long your with someone, you will still always sorta have to play the hard to get game.

[Xplode]

girlfriend of 2 years? to answer the others questions

 

and drew, i sort of agree. whilst we have been having a hard time lately. i have stooped with a lot of the attention and calling and coming past as much. Now she has started calling me more? and getting upset that she hasnt heard from me for a day or so. i mean its nice as such. but i would rather a straight up approach. when the "games" arent necessary. or is this all relationships?

 

cant i just be me, and her be her, and never waiver from that? or are so many games necessary?

[wurth_skidder]

I think the games aren't necessarily with your partner but with yourself. This goes for both partners. Eventually, you adjust to the relationship through training yourself how to react to things, and then the relationship settles into somewhat of a pattern where both people are happy with the attention given/received.

 

In the beginning of my relationship, I was constantly doing tug of war with myself with how much to talk to my girlfriend and see her and what seemed like too much from me and then too much from her. Now we are more in a routine (not in what we do but how often).

 

It's difficult to find that balance, and it does require playing games. The best advice I can give you is think of the games as being with your own thought process and not with your girlfriend. Whether you realize it, some of what you're doing can probably be attributed to what girls in past relationships expected, and you are still adjusting to this girl and what she expects. Good luck.