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d24

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I've not been able to find time to post this before now, but it's still bugging me.

 

On her work Xmas 'do' my girlfriend got ABSOLUTELY wasted. I mean, she could hardly walk anymore. I don't know why she did it, but it happened. She claims to remember almost nothing after 9pm when I dropped her off at 6pm, and picked her up at 1am.

 

Over the course of the past few weeks more and more details have arisen about what happened.

 

It seems like a male work colleague gave her a serious groping, and that she doesn't seem too bothered about it. This guy was probably wasted as well, as he seemingly can't remember anything either, but the three facts that annoy me just keep making me wonder what the hell she was playing at:

 

1) He introduced her to everyone as "hey this is X, she has the biggest and lovliest boobs I've ever seen" and yet she still hung around with him - despite there being over 100 people there, and she knew well over half of them.

 

2) He grabbed her boobs and said "these are no way an F cup, my wife is an F cup, you're an E" which her boss saw happen and he took that guy away after he did it. Apparently she doesn't care if men grab her boobs while he/she/they are wasted?

 

3) There's a picture that's surfaced of his head inside her cleavage with her laughing. So obviously it went beyond suggestiveness, beyond groping, to him actually licking her cleavage and rubbing his face between her breasts.

 

I don't think anything *actually* happened, but I'm really angry and disappointed that she doesn't care, and that she'd even do those things in the first place. I feel as though I can't believe her that she doesn't remember because I never knew she was capable of being such a drunken mess/floozy.

 

Maybe she just loved the attention, and maybe I'm just insecure... but I don't think it's on. I just wish she was even a little bit ashamed or something, then I could probably let it go...

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Tux, you've written about this woman before... and my opinion of her is not very high! I think you keep hoping she'll turn into a good candidate for a wife, but you've had lots of red flags with her.

 

You assume nothing happened at the party (and it may not have), but this kind of behavior is really not appropriate at all from someone who is in a relationship with you (or anyone else).

 

I'd sit down and make a list of the things that bother you about her and see if it doesn't show someone who is pretty immature and very self involved. Just not future wife material.

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she drank too much. it happens. but i've never been so drunk i didn't know what i was doing at the time. i've never said anything or did anything i regret. sure i tend to forget what happened, but nothing extreme like this. and the fact that she isn't bothered by it or considers it a problem is even worse.

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I'd also say that unless she is a teenager, letting co-workers fondle her and plant their faces in her breasts for photos at a work function is NOT average behavior... most people wouldn't dare get that toasted in front of their co-workers for fear of being called the office tramp or never being taken seriously by anyone again.

 

So she SHOULD be mortified by her own behavior, and if she isn't, it shows you that she thinks way over the top behavior is acceptable, which would give me pause if i were you.

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That is horrifying behaviour. I could never even begin to believe she doesn't have a clue what happened. And even if she honestly doesn't the fact she doesn't give a hoot about it after there's more than enough proof is also horrifying.

 

Trust isn't the issue, her lack of respect for you, the relationship and herself is. Rid of her.

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Ok so I was reading this post and read the first point that you made, about the co worker saying stuff about her boobs. I don't see much wrong with that because your girl couldn't really do anything about what he says, it was probably a drunken comment. Then I go on to read the next 2 points... wow. Personally I would never let another man grab my boobs let alone lick them and put his face in them. I would let a woman do it however but that's just me, me and my SO have an agreement that if I do stuff with women it's ok. But that is besides the point. What your girl did seems quite wrong to me. Sure, we all love attention I'm sure and many people get drunk at their office party but it just seems to have went too far.

 

Have you told her how you feel? Have you made sure that she knows how wrong it is to you? Ask her how she would feel if you had your face in another woman's chest.

 

I got drunk at my office party but I had none of that behaviour going on...

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Ok so I was reading this post and read the first point that you made, about the co worker saying stuff about her boobs. I don't see much wrong with that because your girl couldn't really do anything about what he says, it was probably a drunken comment.

 

No way.

 

If a man makes a rude comment like that to me, he will never get away with that. And since your girl seems so attention craved, liberal and free I don't see how she wouldn't speak up against such disrespect- since she seems so "loud" in some manners.

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Tux, you've written about this woman before... and my opinion of her is not very high! I think you keep hoping she'll turn into a good candidate for a wife, but you've had lots of red flags with her.

 

Yeah, I keep giving her chance after chance cos I know she's a good person, just makes some really stupid mistakes and can be a right cow at times. Maybe I'm too forgiving, but I mean what can I really do?

 

I have told her how annoyed I was at her behaviour, I even said "would you be mad if I kissed someone while drunk" and her reply was "why would you do that" ... because was drunk and was acting ridiculous, couldn't remember what I was doing.... apparently that's not the same.

 

What's more intimate? Having a man in your cleavage or a kiss? I suppose that's something you never really can put a ranking on cos each of us will have their own opinion.

 

Long and short of it, I've told her I don't want to see her that drunk again, and she really needs to think about how much she's drinking. Who knows if she'll actually listen. then again i feel like i shouldnt have to ask/tell her *sighs*

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There are lots of good people in the world, but that doesn't mean they are all right for you.

 

For example, if she's with some guy who likes to drink til he's fallen down drunk and behaves the way that man at the office does and they grab other people and think it's funny, those two would get along fine. But you don't think it's fine, and most people wouldn't.

 

I'd sit down and make a list of everything she does that's a problem, then ask yourself, how will i feel about it if nothing ever changes and she does this stuff again. Because most likely she will. People are who they are, and if they like who they are, they see no reason to change. And if who she is is someone who has a lot of qualities you don't like or get along with, perhaps you've been trying to shove a square peg in a round hole with her... and need to find a woman who fits well with you. You need a good person, but you also need someone who is compatible in morals, attitudes, and actions. So she doesn't have to be a bad person to be the wrong person for you.

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