After 6+ months

[audrey28]

Hi everyone, my breakup was around June (the last breakup of an on-again-off-again relationship) and I am back here to tell everyone that LIFE DOES GET BETTER.

 

I went through a turmoil of emotions- pain, anger, disappointment, fear, etc etc but I worked through it and I continue to work through it. I am now in a very peaceful place in my life, and since then, I have also completed a scuba diving course, bought a place for myself, went to the beach several times, and this year I am planning a trip to Europe.

 

If you are reading this and you are in pain, let me assure you that I WAS THERE BEFORE and I got through it. IT DOES NOT LAST FOREVER.

 

Some tips I would like to share that really helped me:

1. Stick to NC.

2. When you have an urge to break NC, post here, talk to a friend, or journal. Do anything within your means to stay NC.

3. If you happen to break NC (which I did on several occasions), the important thing is to pick yourself up and learn from it. Do not beat yourself up for this slip. Just remember the consequences so it will motivate you to stick to NC next time.

4. Whenever you start to romanticize the relationship (as it happens when you think of the good memories you have), remember the bad things about the relationship. Remind yourself that you do not want the entire package of good AND bad. It is just not worth it.

5. Get to know yourself all over again. Explore interests. Revisit to-do lists that are long forgotten. If you don't feel like it, it's ok. It's normal not to be in the mood. But start something and your mood will catch up.

6. Get your feelings out (but not to the ex). Share with a friend or a shrink or here or other groups or with yourself through a journal. Exhaust all that you are feeling. All your anger. All your frustration. Wear yourself out. Get in touch with all these emotions. It is NOT a bottomless pit. One day you'll reach into it and realize there are more positivity than negativity.

7. Work on your personal issues. Learn from the relationship. What was your responsibility in it? There is always something you can learn from and something you need to improve on. What are the "childhood needs" that played out in this relationship? Recognize what these needs are and find appropriate ways to address them yourself.

8. Commit to taking care of yourself one day at a time. If this concept is hard to grasp, imagine that this very hurt version of you is a child. Then imagine your ideal loving parent. How would you console this child? How would you treat this child? How will you show this child that you love him/her? How will you communicate to this child that it is not worth it to go back to a no-win relationship?

9. Make your recovery your full-time job. At this very painful stage in your life, prioritize things that will make you heal. Then let all the little insignificant things go.

10. Know that you are enough. That you are a person worthy of love and nurturing. Know this. Believe this. Act this.

 

I wish everyone well!

[dreamwarrior]

Hey audrey,

 

I am so very glad you have gotten your life back. Thank you for writing this post...I am sure it will help many people. There are so many things on your list that I have done and that I am doing now.

 

Since I am quite the older gal...I don't dwell on things to long...a few days or weeks and I start in survival mode as I call it.

 

Wish me luck I am going to talk to a real estate broker tomorrow, get my car washed, then Saturday get permanent makeup, then next Wednesday start college for nursing/fire science (double major) and once my permanent makeup is healed I am going full force working out.

 

I am where you are and it feels so good...I especially never, never break NC no matter what...and I LOVE what you said about romanticizing the relationship...I know exactly what you mean....for every good memory I have of him I can remember 10 that were miserable and so that keeps me strong and I know deep down breaking up with him was the right thing to do....and after my permanent makeup, I am going to have a pedicure and foot massage...but after this...I am going to save my $$ hard so when the time comes to purchase my condo I will be ready.

 

There are so many things to do, in which I have no time to really think of my ex...I even wrote my mother for her bd (haven't spoke or seen her in 12 years), no time like the present to surround yourself with friends and family.

 

I don't want to over take your time...but wanted once again to say thank you so much for your post.

 

hugs and smiles to you....dream

 

p.s. Our ex's don't deserve anymore of our tears nor our time....why waste the salt in your tears on someone who didn't waste theirs on you. Allowing our ex's to hold us back steals more of our time in this world...we are not going to live forever...I gave my ex all my time, love, devotion, loyality, and trust....and all I got was my heart ripped out....and he don't get one more second...the rest of the time is for me and only me.

 

At present I don't have time for a new bf...I think finding a new guy right now is only going to hold me back from my accomplisments...I cannot have any distractions right now...worrying if the new guy is going to call, his moods, what he is doing...it would be to stressful for me...so right now I am in peace and need to keep it that way.

[audrey28]

hi dreamwarrior, thank you for sharing too. it does feel good, looking back at the breakup and knowing something good came out of it. when i was in that relationship, i felt so dependent and helpless emotionally. i depended on his happiness for my happiness, and it was downward spiral. now i learned my lesson and i am liking my life!

 

i remember when i started posting here that i was still so caught up in the drama. why this, why that, how about this, how about that...and at one point, when i started to believe that it doesn't matter anymore, was the time i started to heal.