New here (hello), and looking for NC support

[brokentune]

It's been 7 months since we broke up. We were together for 15 years.

 

It was my ex's decision to end the relationship. I still don't know the reason why. It's fair to say we weren't exactly seeing eye to eye on many things in the end, and perhaps it's also true to say that we no longer shared common interests or long term dreams as far as what we wanted for our future(s), but I think those were more her words/ideas than mine.

 

There may have been/is someone else involved; this is do not (and still do not) know for sure.

 

Suffice to say, she broke my heart into a million pieces when she left.

 

We have been in limited contact since. Have chatted on the phone with her a few times and we have seen each other in person, most recently on the 3rd of this month. But each time I see/talk to her, it's like having my heart broken all over again, and I can't take it anymore.

 

I didn't want to have to do it, but I am thinking No Contact is my only option in finding a way to get over this heart break and to move forward with my life. I was going to unfriend her on facebook, but I couldn't, so instead I added a url blocker to my browers and have blocked her facebook page url on there to prevent me from looking. I've also put all of our mutual friends on facebook (and we share many) on limited viewing so as to not see any pictures of her that any of them might post.

 

I will also not email her, or call her, but am not certain what to do if she emails/calls me. I am thinking I won't have to worry about the later happening, as I basically let her know how much pain I am still in over it all when I saw her last, and she seemed like she had moved on completely.

 

Anyway. I don't know what I'm asking for here? Support?

 

Seven months have passed and I should be well on my way to getting over the break up, but I'm not. I was/am still in love with her and am devastated that after 15 years together, she seems to no longer feels much of anything for me anymore.

[waltwhit]

Well, I will offer some support. I think you have taken some good steps toward NC, and you will never get over her if you are still talking to her occaisionally. But you already knew this.

 

One question I have is why were you with her for 15 years and never god married? I mean, do you just not want to ever be married? And if so, maybe she wasn't ok with this. Maybe she wants to have a married life, and a family and perhaps that is why she decided to move on. Sure, it could have been someone else, but the bottom line is it doesn't really matter.

 

I think you should continue with the NC plan. I kinda think you should've explained to her that she shouldn't contact you because it would make it impossible for you to move on. But it doesn't really matter at this point.

 

Good job, and keep the faith. 15 years is a long time, but I know you can do it!

[brokentune]

Thank you for your reply, waitwhit

We were students the whole time (well, for most of the time) we were together. Marriage wasn't the issue. I believe she was more interested in furthering her career, and very possibly more interested in herself, in the end. I tried to get her to go to couples counselling, but she wasn't interested. I get that she's just no into me anymore, so this is just me now trying to deal with no longer being into her.

[waltwhit]

well, after that much time it will probably be a little tough, but you can do it. Just look at this as a really good time to get to know yourself, because after being with someone that long, you tend to meld into one personality.

 

It should be a fun and exciting time, and now you get to meet a bunch of new people and do a ton of things you probably couldn't do when you were together!

[whattheeff]

Hang in there brotha! NC is the way to go for sure. Keeping contact will only prolong your healing, I can attest to this. I spent 3 weeks chasing her through LC and it only made me worse. I am 2 weeks into NC and cannot even describe how much better I feel.

 

I believe that when you are in LC you are always thinking about the next instance of contact (when will she call you, should I answer, is she doesnt call what does it mean, should I call her, what should I say etc.) When you enter NC these thoughts seem to slip away and you will think about your ex and your situation less and less. She still enters my mind, but much less frequently then she did when I was still in contact. I know that in a few more weeks she will just be a memory!

[brokentune]

Well, I thought we were quite close too, but now she seems like a stranger to me, in a way. Seeing her the other day, as painful as it was, sort of solidified my resolve to get over her. I could sense there were no feelings on her behalf toward me anymore - which is why I suspect there may have been someone else involved. I have since moved to another city, and am away from our mutual friends, and indeed my own friends, so it's difficult, and I suppose, that is why I am here.

[Xplode]

i cant talk from experiance on this one, but i can talk about a friend that had similar circumstances.

 

7yr relationship. had the ring. she said it was over a week before the holiday where he had planned to propose.

 

i spoke to him all the way through it. and basically. NC is the only option. i know the feeling of when you see them everything comes back... every touch, every kiss. every minute you spent together. becomes happy again. and then when its over. u miss it all over again. the longer you stop talking the easier it will get

 

surround yourself with friends. keep yourself occupied. (i couldnt listen to music, Rnb is all about soulful and meaningful things). i liked to go out drinking on the weekends with the guys. - helped massively and you meet new people.

 

join social groups. (pros and cons) facebook, myspace. etc.

throw your self out there and find new people with similar. - DONT LOOK AT HER PAGES! because you will see a guy in a pic and be like look her with new people and jelousy will hurt just as much.

 

DATE!. something i didnt do for long enough. 15 yrs is a long time. i was nervous after 2yrs. so i suggest date a few people. get to know what is out there, and see what type of girl you is your preference and what suits your personality. The advantage 2nd or 3rd time round is you now become more decisive. if she has intimacy issues you know that you might not be compatable and you will tend to steer away. where as first go you were still experiancing women, and different personas. now you can be selective.

 

Hope its getting easier,

Keep in touch.

[brokentune]

Thanks for your response, Xplode. I am trying to keep my mind occupied on other things, but I think dating is going to be out of the question for me for a long while yet.

[RunMeRound]

I agree with the people above. LC is really really hard. I'm new here but have lurked for ages. I tried the LC thing thinking I could do it and I can't. Go NC for at least 30 days. Set little NC goals. Every time you achieve one the next one will be easier. LC just makes you wonder when you will hear from the ex.