Promotion frustration

[confused9]

Hi all,

 

A few years ago I worked with this woman who I became close friends with. But out of almost no where, she began spreading untrue rumors about me around the office (hateful rumors that I was a * * * * and a drunk) which are more like the opposite of the truth.

 

She left about a year and a half ago to work in another office. Since before she left I have excelled at work. I have done a fantastic job and have been greatly rewarded recently with several pay increases. However a promotion opportunity has come up. This promotion is set for people who have more experience than I do, but several of the other office managers told me to go ahead and apply for it. They feel like I'm working at that level now, and my performance reviews show that I am definitely qualified.

 

Long story short, I have not yet been told whether or not I will be interviewed for this position. Apparently, my new boss has told the people that she does NOT plan on interviewing. But the woman who spread all of those rumors about me has applied and will interview tomorrow. I cannot imagine why I have yet to get an interview. Apparently the only applicants for the position were those that had a similar amount of time with my agency. So I am more than qualified for at least an interview.

 

I honestly don't think I can work with this woman. If the hired person were someone who I knew were deserving, or even someone I didn't know, I'd feel much more comfortable. But not someone this petty. I guess I'm not sure what to do. I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable not even hearing about whether or not I have an interview.

 

In the end, I do not plan on staying at my current job for very long. I love it, but I know it's time for me to move on, and I have future plans and career goals. But I also know it would be foolish to not attempt to even get this promotion.

 

Any words of wisdom?

[waltwhit]

First off, if you are planning on leaving the job, then you really shouldn't be sweating any of this. I mean, sure gun for the promotion, I understand it's a pride thing too, but really it shouldn't be causing you a lot of undue stress.

 

Second, if you feel you have been passed over for an interview, make an appointment with whomever is doing the interviewing and ask them what the progress of your application for promotion is, and when you might expect to get an interview. It can't hurt to be a little forward, especially if you plan on moving on soon anyway.

 

Also, I would highly recommend talking to this woman about what you've heard she has said etc. You have to be very careful here not to turn this into a fight, cause that could have a very negative effect on you, but it may clear the air. And you may find out that it was a big misunderstanding, or who knows, you could at least be civil with each other. Use this as a training exercise for when you are at a job that REALLY matters to you. At many points down the road, you will have to confront people for exactly these reasons; to get that promotion (promotions aren't doled out to people who don't stand up for themselves and have the confidence that they deserve the promotion in the first place - promotions go to movers and shakers, not standers-still. In this life, you have to ask for what you want, unfortunately you can't just sit around and wait for someone to notice what you are doing, because they may think you are doing a wonderful job, but they may also think you are satisfied making what you make if you don't ask for anything more.), or you will have to confront someone who either is talking about you behind your back or else a fellow employee that you simply don't get along with.

 

So, this is a good opportunity to see what you're made of! Especially since you don't really care that much about the job. It's like that first sky-dive. You're kind of strapped to the instructor on this one!

 

Good luck!

[confused9]

Thanks Walt!

 

I think I will go talk to my boss tomorrow about the interview.

 

Actually, I have confronted the woman who said all of those terrible things about me. I did it shortly after other people in the office came to tell me she was saying them. She denied saying them, which is a lie, b/c several people came to tell me about it. I told her I would speak with her only on a professional level, but ultimately want nothing to do with her outside of work. She then tried to apologize, but I have stood my ground. Since then, she's continued to call me a drunk behind my back (she lives in a different city now), and I don't know what else she's said. This has come from people she still talks to and is friends with and has come from out of the blue for me (meaning I never asked anyone what she had been saying).

 

Quite frankly, if she comes into the office, I will leave. I don't want to go to my boss about this b/c it seems petty, I don't want to put people's opinions against this woman because of this personal experience, but I do think I will find it to be a slap in the face if this woman gets the promotion over me.

[waltwhit]

Well, I think you should have accepted her apology at that point and made her think all was well. This would have stopped the slander. Instead, but "holding your ground" you just made her feel even less secure (which is probably why she started spreading rumors about you in the first place - you are somehow threatening to her - you are probably either more attractive, or more confident, or better at your job than she, etc.).

 

So, here is a life lesson. See, in life, it is ALWAYS better to win than to be right. You can easily let people be "right", and when you do you always win. Because we are all so addicted to being right, when you let someone be right, their defense come down immediately and you can pretty much get whatever you want. Also, by accepting her apology you wouldn't have had to be her best friend, or even overly friendly. See, by choosing to hold a grudge and not accept the apology, you have caused yourself more problems here now down the road. Get your enemies on your side, and you have won the game!

[confused9]

Haha! You're probably right. I'm just not good at faking a friendship. Regardless of what I did, I at least know that I have won the respect of several of my current colleagues who were there throughout the situation.

 

I like your life lesson though. I'll definitely keep that in mind for future insecure colleagues (ugh).

[waltwhit]

Yup. They'll always be there, just like bosses you aren't that fond of. The key is to learn to make it work for you! Good luck!