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she cant get over her EX!!! HELP!!!

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i met this girl last year and i really liked her but she just teased me and never really liked me like i liked her. I got over her, a year later same time i started to like her again. I feel like im always attracted to her and cant get over the fact that she isnt mine and is someone else's. She has a problem tho. She cant seem to get over her ex/bffe, shes consistently thinking about him, she is obsessed and i hate it. The reason being is because in November while we were "talking" she hung out with him behind my back and i found pictures of her kissing him. But i got over it and was STILL attracted to her and loved her. Im guessing she feels the same about her ex, about how i feel about her. Well we went out for a little and i was happy for her to my girlfriend but then she broke us up because she didnt want to fall too deep and have me fall in love and hurt me. Well it reallllllllly hurt me and its like consistently i want her back and i try and try to get over her. I cant see her with anyone else it really hurts me as much as i say it wont, it just does. Now that were just friends she says she doesnt want anyone and is telling me to wait for her. But on the other hand i feel if i wait she is going to go back with her ex and i dont want that and she doesnt want that either because he is a lowlife dropout and she wants to stop talking to him too but she cant, because of her past. She still hangs out with him and stuff and not really with me. i dont know what to do anymore. should i get over her and move on or wait for her to get over her ex? and i think thats where i went wrong, i should have waited for her to get over him before i had gone out with her, only thing is she treid using me to get over him but it didnt work out.


what do i do?

(ill add things that i missed)

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Hey BobMarley2,


No one can ever say what anyone should do. Although, on this board, we all do!


From what you wrote, my take is that she understands your feelings of complete love for her, yet, she is stringing you along a bit.


I really don't know what to tell you, except to guard your heart at this moment. Maybe, take a breather, step back, let her figure it out with the boyfriend she keeps going back to. Remove yourself from her own personal drama, it is not yours after all.


I appreciate that you have deep feelings for this woman, but, you need to let her do her thing and not let it mess up your balance. You deserve more.


Maybe, give yourself a "timeout" from the situation and see what happens after that. Sometimes a little space from something can give us a bigger perspective on the big picture.


Best to you, I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

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I know how you feel, I have been there. It's hard to push her away but you have to realize that you are worth more than that. Yeah, maybe you're attracted to her but in the end is it REALLY worth all of the drama and heartache? Probably not. There is a girl in my life that sends me reeling every few months, I won't get into the details but every time I start to talk about her my friends know where it's going...and so do I. It always ends badly, and maybe it's just that you're addicted to her. Perhaps her company as a potential is far more inviting than dealing with the company of new and potential girlfriends. I am guessing that when you meet a new girl who seems to dig you, you inevitably end up telling them about this girl and feel like "Well, another one I screwed up." It's hard man, it always is, but what's probably happening is you are uncomfortable and you want to return to something safe, though heart wrenching it's much less painful than breaking up with someone or having to go through all of the first few dates nervousness. She's a safe zone, that's what is happening. I don't have advice per say, but I can tell you what will probably happen if she's anything like the girl I have problems with. As soon as you cut her out of your life (I.E. Stop calling her, talking to her, trying to contact her.) she will come running to you. If that is the case then you need to let her know that you were never FRIENDS and that you only wanted to DATE her. That's it. You never went into this trying to be her friend, that simple. You went into this with the hope of being in a relationship. You stick around as the friend hoping that she will see your positive qualities and see that you are boyfriend material but from incredibly personal experience that will never happen. Just stop talking to her and stop contacting her. Treat her as an addict would an addiction. If you feel an urge to contact her, or answer her call, don't. Find some way to distract yourself. I promise it will be better in the end, but you are going to have to "break up" with her. I am sure I could go on and on about this, but seeing as this is my first post I should probably keep it a little small.

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