need help... badly

[zanitos]

OK, so here's my situation. I have been seeing a 20 year old woman for 2 years now. We had an amazing "honeymoon" stage. I am the first boyfriend her family has ever approved of. Over time her family has become my family. We are best friends and I am madly in love with her. About 6 months ago her parents split and are now divorcing. Her dad has left her mom for another woman (one who is 10 years younger, but I don't believe that affects the divorce issues as much for the girlfriend). About 3-4 months ago she told me she was turning in early for the night, but instead went out and got trashed with a friend. As a result she ended up with another man in her bed at her dorm. She says, and I believe, that she did not have sex with him, but that he did do things to her... We worked through it. After that, she decided to quit drinking (and has been sober since), and she moved into my apartment with me. This took place in September. I thought we were doing ok, not great by any means, but we are dealing with a lot a issues not only with us, but in our personal lives. More up to current, about two weeks ago on 12/14 she tells me its over. There is a 45 year old co-worker she has feelings for and she has to leave. Needles to say, that week was hell. On Thursday that week she came over to collect the rest of her things. I asked for my key back and she didn't argue, but asked to keep it. I told her she was leaving and that I needed the key back. I then said my peace: (and i quote) "I just want you to know, I do care for you, but you are leaving, so while you are here I will be there for you. Anything you want or need to talk about, we can do it now. But once you walk out the door, I make no promises. I can't guarantee I'll answer, or be able to return your calls. I'm sorry, but I need time to heal, and I don't think I can if I am there every time you call." After I said that she stayed and talked to me for hours. She called him a few hours later and told him that her and I were going to work on things. We did the family holiday thing at both families... But we have not Worked on Anything yet... Well, today she tells me she is still in bed with a text. I had driven past her house and knew that not to be true, so I showed up at the 45 year old's house to find them there. I confronted the lies and kept my calm. We all sat there til he had to go to work. Her and I left and I bought her lunch. I told her that it's not fair to say we had our chance to "Work" things out, when every time anything was brought up she asked if we could do it later for misc. reasons. She has said she loves him and loves me. She tells me I deserve better. I agree completely, but who decides what I deserve? Me? Her? Him? I decide what I want/deserve. I don't know what to do. My head says: "RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!!!" I know that is what I should do, but despite everything, my heart still beats for her, and bleeds for her... I guess that's the most of it. I am just wondering if she wants to work things out, honestly work at things, should I? I can't explain it, but despite everything, I still want to marry her one day... And I hate feeling so strongly for her with everything she's done, but my heart is still hers... Any thoughts?

[Beoslasher]

I believe that you should get out of that relationship, or the remnants of it as fast as possible.

Do you know how long she knew the 45 year old guy? Cause if she can pop the L word with him quickly, that is a red flag to move on.

I can understand that you love her, but you really have to worry about her lack of respect for you. The fact that she cheated is disrespectful and I personally wouldn't of given her a second chance. Why does she deserve a third?

You'll find a woman that will make your heart melt, just like this one, but without the heartbreak someday.

[zanitos]

anyone else?

[zanitos]

can anyone else help?

[abouttime]

You are a romantic. But I also see that you are mature and self confident. She is a serial cheater. And being drunk doesn't mean anything. As it is said. Drinking does not make you do anything you don't want to. It only lowers your inhibitions so that you do what you want anyway. If I were you I would point the fact out to her. And that she will do it again. You are wise to cut your losses and curb her.

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't believe anyone here is going to tell you to try to stay with her.

 

She has lied to you, and cheated on you, not once, but twice. I'm sorry that you're hurting right now, but I believe that the odds of this relationship working out is almost "0."

 

I'm sure it's not easy for you, but I would hold my head high, and walk away, and never look back.

 

Wishing you the best...

[Casanova]

I've been in a similar position befiore and know how you feel. You are so hurt and feel betrayed, yet you still have all these strong feelings for her. In your head, you probably can't imagine being without her, and that is what makes it so hard to leave her. Well, let me tell you, that there are plenty of women out there for you. Not only that, but they are better! Ones who are prettier, smarter and who will treat you better. I know, its hard to see it right now, but in time, you'll look back at this, laugh, and wonder why you never left her earlier.

 

Seriously, there are a lot of opportunities out there for you to meet someone better, don't pass it up, you need to act now and leave her ASAP.

[Botched]

You need to let her go. That is it. Leave someday for another day. It isn't now, she isn't yours. Could she be? Sure, much later on, after you have found that you can have an amazing life without her (or worries of him or the next guy.)

 

Sorry man, that is very hard to accept I imagine. You will love her still and learn to love again. And it can be real and reciprocated (?spelling.) Be strong and let yourself grieve.

[zanitos]

she cheated six times.... only twice was sex... whoa

[maddylou.]

people in here can tell you anything but in the end you will do what you want.

i have had my fair share of * * * * ty guys and even * * * * tier relationships.. and my friends told me to move on so many times.

 

obisously, you shouldnt be with her if she can treat you like that and not even have a second thought about it.

if she loved you, truly loved you, shed consider your feeling above her own.

 

but.. like i said, you will do what you want.

if it works out, it does.

if it doesnt, well suck.

 

i am sorry.

i hope it all works out for the best whatever that may be.

[abouttime]

Have you dumped her yet?

[Rabican]

Dude just listen to that gut instinct thats telling you to run far and fast... thats the right idea. Shes only 20 years old... she doesnt have the maturity to be in the relationship that you want... shes proven that be cheating on you once, and then developing feelings for a guy old enough to be her dad.

 

Shes toxic, and you are better off without her imho.