Trust?

[N_Love_Again]

Well over the course of about 3 months I have found out that my b/f of a year and 3 months has been talking to other girls. I checked his phone and found texts and calls from another girl and i asked him about it and he lied off bat. So I got his phone one day and made an account with it and checked and printed out his phone records and proved him to be lying and THEN he confessed to it.

 

I also talked to the girl herself through text messaging. That was in the beginning of November but he had been talking to her since the end of october. So after everything settled down from that, the beginning of december I found out about another girl he had been communicating with and he lied about that one too until I once again proved him to be lying, then he finally confessed to that one too.

 

At about 3 months of us dated we decided and came to an agreement that we wasnt going to have friends of the opposite sex unless they were mutual friends and he broke the pact. And this was after he got mad and made me change my number because my ex kept calling and calling non-stop after I told him I didnt want anything else to do with him.

 

So then last night we finally talked about what happened and I asked him some questions and told him what's going wrong in our relationship. He came out and told me that he had been talking to the second girl at the same time he was talking to the first girl. And that was after I pulled up the records again and saw the second girls number in it that I let fly over my head.

 

He say he was just talking to them but I dont know cause one of the text from the second girl he sent to her when he was suppose to be at work asking her if he could come see her but she told him no. When he got home that day I asked him what time did you get off and he said five, I later found out he got off at 2. he rode her on my dirt bike that I bought for my son and I had to hear that from her instead of him.

 

I also found out that she works where we pay our electricity bill. The first girl use to work at his other job til she got fired for stealing money. I guess the whole point of this post is, How do you trust someone that begs you for your trust then breaks it twice and comes back begging for it again and gets mad when you cant make yourself trust them? How do you deal with not being able to trust the one that you love with all your heart? but it's not in me to leave him! Any advice???

[girl68]

This is what I would do:

 

1) make sure he understands where he went wrong.

2) make him disclose everything at first

3) must answer all questions honestly ie who was that, where did you do today, with who, where why why... all of those he would have little to no right to privacy at first

4) watch carefully, suspect anything at anytime... slowly trusting him more as he earns it

5) slowly trust him more as he proves his sleazy ways have changed

 

I would not just trust again, not a chance. He would have to understand his wrong, and know that he must EARN trust back I would not just give him my trust back, that is asking for it; if you ask me.

[Mangoz]

. I guess the whole point of this post is, How do you trust someone that begs you for your trust then breaks it twice and comes back begging for it again and gets mad when you cant make yourself trust them? How do you deal with not being able to trust the one that you love with all your heart? but it's not in me to leave him! Any advice???

 

You don't.

This sounds like it's beyond salvation... if you can't trust him don't be with him. He's proven several times that his word means little. The very act of cutting his association off with an entire gender (unless you're friends with the person as well) says volumes about yourself as well. There is no love if there is no trust.

[N_Love_Again]

I couldnt just GIVE it to him if I wanted to. That would be like jumping out in front of a speeding truck. I just look at him everyday and wonder why? then wonder why lie? and it also makes you wonder if that person really loves you like he say he does.

[N_Love_Again]

You don't.

The very act of cutting his association off with an entire gender (unless you're friends with the person as well) says volumes about yourself as well. QUOTE]

 

The reason of that is because of jealousy. he knows that the guys that I use to communicate with are usually exs or potential boyfriends a few of them are just long time friends that i've known all my life. But due to jealousy from the both of us we just decided no friends of the opposite sex unless they are mutual.

[girl68]

This relationship or lack thereof seems extremly unheathly.

 

You don't want him friends with girls for obvious reasons.

 

He doesn't want you to be friends becasue you're friens with ex's and "potential boyfriends" well that part makes sense. No partner (most likely) wants their partner to be friends with an ex and more so friends with people who are "potential partners".

 

You're both breeding insecurity and jealousy- not healthy!

 

If you can honestly never give back trust, you have nothing. If you don't think you will ever look at him and think that you are the single greatest thing is his life and you know he would never think twice about destroying what you have. You have nothing.

 

Your comments do not sound like someone who can ever trust this man again. That says it all.