Boyfriend needs a jobbbb.

[dangletsbang]

My boyfriend comes from a rich family, has had everything handed to him and to top it all off is spoiled by me as well. He's about to graduate [a semester late] and the longest job he's ever had was for one month. We want to get a house/apartment in the next couple months, especially him...but I guess he doesn't get the fact that you can't just have a job for two weeks and use that first paycheck as a down payment for rent. Rent isn't the only thing that requires money. Electricity, water, groceries, cable/internet, fuel...it all requires money. I'm getting so frustrated..because all he keeps saying is "when I graduate i'm getting a job.." yet he gets out at 11:20AM! That's basically all day that he does nothing, while I work full time and TONS of overtime. It finally got the best of me and i'm starting to nag about him getting a job. I don't care if he doesn't like it, i'm done with it. I realize i've fueled the fire in some ways...presents..food..gas...I can't help it. I love him to death but I need help if we're going to make it moving in together [we're moving in with one of our friends who is going to pay half]..

 

suggestions? ](*,)

[nimisaj]

What are the living arrangements exactly?

A three bedroom or two bedroom apartment? The friend is paying half...?

[xCOREx]

realize that no matter how much of him you like his attitude towards these things is a part of him.

 

"I don't care if he doesn't like it, i'm done with it"

 

smartest thing i think you can do.

[confused25]

Hmm he sounds kind of irresponsible. I wouldn't live with him if I were you.

 

I'm assuming you guys are still in high school? is he planning on going to college?

[agent1607307371]

Honestly? Don't move in with him until he's learnt to live in the real world. You will just end up incredibly frustrated over his attitude.

[Casanova]

Yes he should get a job, but since he comes from a rich family and is really spoiled, does he need one to pay the rent? maybe that's why he's being so complacent, because he knows that everything will be covered.

 

However, if he's on his own, then he should start looking now. It takes awhile to get a good job, especially at these difficult economic times. It sounds to me that he's being lazy b/c he knows his family will support him. And i know that can be frustrating for you since you're always working and it isn't fair...

[dangletsbang]

It'll be within the next few months, we're looking more towards a house to rent. Possibly a two or three bedroom, Trey and I will pay our half..and Jason will pay his half..I've been graduated since May..and as dumb as it sounds..I can't afford school..i've been working full time since i've been out of school. We're both about to turn 19. I realize we're young..and i'm well aware of everyones opinions of us being so young and moving in together..

[dangletsbang]

Yes he should get a job, but since he comes from a rich family and is really spoiled, does he need one to pay the rent? maybe that's why he's being so complacent, because he knows that everything will be covered.

 

However, if he's on his own, then he should start looking now. It takes awhile to get a good job, especially at these difficult economic times. It sounds to me that he's being lazy b/c he knows his family will support him. And i know that can be frustrating for you since you're always working and it isn't fair...

 

this is exactly how I feel..and I think he thinks everything will be covered..but his parents aren't going to cover EVERYTHING. My parents will help me some..as in getting started..and I know his parents will help some too..but he doesn't realize it won't be forever.

[JadedStar]

Make it clear you are not moving in with him until he has secured a job for at least a couple of months.

 

if this apt gets taken in the meantime, well that is how it works. Don't let him pressure you by saying 'ah come on, it will be rented out by then'. Other apts will become available and other friends are likely to need roomies. You are basically extending credit to him in a way...if he doesn't pay his share because of no job you are going to get stuck with it, or the other friend. thereforee he needs to behave like any other person getting credit extended and that would be some proof that they have the ability to repay. In this case a job for several months at a minimum would be a requirement for me.

 

Are you sure you want to stick it out with a guy you know is spoiled? And why are you also spoiling him?

[_Asti_]

Yikes. I would be figuring this out BEFORE you even considering moving in with him.

 

Is the rent being split three ways? I didn't get that part, are you and your boyfriend splitting a half, and the friend gets the other half? I would split it three ways, and have each of you cover your portion.

The way you describe it makes it seem like if he screws up, that money is going to come from YOU. YOU need to pay half, if he isn't. Atleast that way if he isn't covering his third, he gets the boot. Three people, three contributions.

 

Regardless, I would make some hings clear. He needs to present firs and last months rent, plus expenses PRIOR to moving or looking into moving. Make it known that he does have to work.

OR I would just move out, without him until he gets his butt in gear.

 

I would NOT be doing this with someone who can't hold a job. You having to suppor him, pay his bills, his rent, his food..will tear your relationship apart. ANd right now, he has to prove to you PRIOR to doing this that he can be dependable and counted on and be a man.

 

Right now, he's still a little boy.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

It doesn't sound to me like you two are compatible. Why not be with someone that thinks similarly to you on these things so that it won't be an issue? There are plenty of guys out there that have no trouble holding a job and paying rent.

[dangletsbang]

This really is one of the only flaws about his personality..his extremely caring, protective and supportive side is what I fell for.

 

I just wish he would open his eyes to the real world, he's never had to experience what 'hard times' are really like..and I don't want it to hit him like a pile of bricks when it comes time that we have to make it on our own.

 

I don't know why i've spoiled him..I guess it's because I care about him so much..but I've slowly stopped being as giving as I once was..

[Jeremiah Johnson]

As much as some people wish it were so, you can't change a person with the phrase "get a job". Most people that have trouble holding jobs have that trouble because of a deeper underlying issue with finding a path for which they find some contentment and fulfillment. They often resent being told to fix themselves without being given the necessary advice on exactly how to do said fixing.

 

In a subtle way, it's similar to telling a person "go be happy and do it now or else". But one can't expect good results from this because it doesn't include any real meaningful process by which to address the problem. The ones doing the telling are usually frustrated, and often unaware, because they themselves know they don't have the answers the other person is seeking. Then, the natural tendency is to put blame on the other person for not being able to conjure the answer on their own, as if they had the ability all along to flick the switch of happiness, but for some illogical reason, have refused to do so.

 

I find that people in this situation just need life and time to figure things out on their own. No amount of telling your boyfriend anything will change him. I cannot claim that as fact, but it is my opinion and has often been a very correct one.

 

Best wishes.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There will be a lot he doesn't understand if he's never had to support himself... he is only 19, and many 19 year olds who've had parents supporting them don't have a clue.

 

Sit down with him BEFORE you move and work up a budget. Have everything written down, so that you can show him exactly how much money he needs to come up with every month in order to be able to move in with you. He can then have that figure in mind when looking for a job.

 

Perhaps you could teach him how to budget, so that he understands how much things cost. You can buy a budget book and track everything you each spend together, give each of you an allowance for things like coffee and spending money, but make it very clear that he has to come up with X dollars a month to pay the bills.

 

He may step up to the challenge, and you can't judge whether he will or not because he hasn't had to yet. Just let him know what your expectations are, and see if he steps up.

[renaissancewoman101]

Question for the OP, how would you deal with him, if he tells you that his parents will help him out with his portion of the rent and stuff while he looks for a job?

 

Just curious.

 

BTW, cut him some slack. The job market is very grim out there, esp for someone who does not have a college degree yet.

[Tamoko]

It doesn't matter what his BG is. The fact is he's an adult and he needs to get a job.

 

My thing is--

 

Be 50/50 with me.

 

I'll use my roommate and myself as an example.

 

My roommate doesn't have a lot of money and se has to work to take care of her own bills.

 

I was laid off recently and my mother is paying for my bills and helping us with food/toiletries/etc in the house. Because I do not work I take care of the cleaning/cooking/arranging/decor/etc.

 

So true, she works but I also work. She comes home to a clean house and dinner after work, he dog has been walked and the place looks good. It makes up for me not having a job. It's 50/50.

 

That's my thing. I don't care what you do but some how you need to be 50/50 with me in a relationship/friendship/anything

[JadedStar]

Good way of looking at it.

 

By the way, what does BG mean?

[dangletsbang]

Question for the OP, how would you deal with him, if he tells you that his parents will help him out with his portion of the rent and stuff while he looks for a job?

 

Just curious.

 

BTW, cut him some slack. The job market is very grim out there, esp for someone who does not have a college degree yet.

 

While I haven't been exactly spoiled, I haven't been handed everything either...I find it frustrating that I work 24/7 while he has all day to himself not doing anything productive. Even if his parents are willing to help, what is he doing with his extra time? 'Hanging out with friends.'

 

He could be at least TRYING to find a job and start making money...and I realize how hard it is to find a job..especially one that provides good income and stability.

 

BUT, i'm done nagging. He just texted me talking about how he applied to two places today and spoke with his ex-employer about working full time after he graduates next friday.

 

I feel kinda bad now..all this internet venting for nothing..ha.