kiwi24 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hey guys I have posted quite a few times here and just need to do so again. I deleted the thread i made before. Background again: My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years and were very serious. For the past year we had talked about getting married this come May and settling down and raising a family. He has he was ready and it was the right age. But the problems were his parents as I am not from the same "classiciation" of people as them even though they are the same religion same sect and same country same language. His mother kept insisting he marry from his "group" and that preferably from overseas so that she would have all the culture and would be obedient to her husband. What a load of BS!! Anyways my ex was interested in me cuz i had both western and eastern values and he loved that. esp that I used to help him so much and was there through all his crap and his family's s***. I asked him if there was any idea in his mind of breaking up because i didnt want to be lead on if it wasnt goign to work out. and he said that he would never end the relationship and however long it took could convince the parents. then he set himself a deadline to come appraoch by family by december if his parents didnt agree. December came he started acting distant and then the dreaded day came when he called me n broke up. said there was no point in getting married when no one was happy about it and hec ouldnt leave his family and he didnt want to waste my time. Now during this time starting beginning of December his friend was getting married the Friend is a guy and my ex had to do a prepared dance with his friends 20 year old sister....lets call her Z...so he met Z almost every weekend practicing which I didn't mind. Then the weekend before he broke up he chatted with Z on facebook and it was VERY flirty from her side. i didn't like it and he just said it was nothing. Then the day before he broke up he told me he was going to his friends house for dance practice to practice with Z. I said ok. Around 7:30 that night i went to his apt to put the ICK solution in his fish tank. When getting on the comp i saw that Z was logged into facebook so naturally she had been at his apt. I tried calling him and he didnt pick up. Finally at 11 he called me back and said he was leaving his friends house and i told him not to lie. Finally he admitted that Z came over and picked him up and met couple of other ppl at the gym for practice. Ok so no biggie she picked him up. i was just mad that he lied but i let it go. The next day he calls me in the evening and starts the "we have to talk." He said he couldnt marry me and that there was no other girl in even Z...im thinking thats odd ys he saying esp Z's name... So we stayed NC for like 12 days. i call him at work to say hi and he said hes doing good n has to run into a meeting n will call me back. of course no call back. Yesterday my ex's bro forwarded me a chat between my ex and Z that happened yesterday afternoon...lets just say there were a lot of I love you's between them and even Z was like her family is interested in getting her married and my ex said that he cant be what she needs right now and that if she decides to marry then let him know so that he can walk away in advance smoothly....the convo really upset me because it confirmed my suspicion that there was something going on.... He will hurt her esp her being so young because it didnt seem like he was serious and just playing on her emotions...I know he can't love in 2-3 weeks n even if she's saying it and means it, he's saying it to just keep her there.... so he tells me that they are not really serious and its not gonna work long term cuz she is too young and personalities are too different....and that he respects me a lot and wants to be able to have that friendship down the road...and i know he was getting worried that i would tell Z's elder brother as he would get into problems along with her...as theres basically no "messing" around in our culture. So he says "you can do anything to me i dont care...i'm a very carefree person...i respect u so much right now but if u do anything then i will lose that respect and never talk to you again..." I told him not to threaten me because i didnt need his respect or friendship... But I'm not telling anyone about them....i just at the same time want to warn her because hes a leech and he's using her like he used me. and he's a liar and a cheater... Should I stay quiet or should I even send her a simple message along the lines of "becareful in what you are getting yourself involed with...its not all perfect as you seem to think...." What should i Do guys...my blood is boiling... Iknew she was goona be at his place last night n almost wanted to burst in n give them a piece of my mind BUT THANK GOD I DIDNT!! Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 The beginning sounds like a Jane Austen novel. Seriously, though...why are you getting involved? If you hadn't broken NC this wouldn't happen! You sound worried about everyone but yourself and it's driving you nuts. Let other people make their mistakes. Don't interfere. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 The beginning sounds like a Jane Austen novel. Seriously, though...why are you getting involved? If you hadn't broken NC this wouldn't happen! You sound worried about everyone but yourself and it's driving you nuts. Let other people make their mistakes. Don't interfere. srsly. you learned how? let others learn. thats why i dont do what i dont do cause i dont wanna end up in anything like that. Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 But at the same time i am mad....i am absolutely angry that after talking about marriage two days before break up and taking me to wedding photographers he couldnt have the balls to just tell me he was thinking about someone else even if it was casual...he always knew that I handled truth much better...I actually was sent the chat from his brother....and since then I have responded back saying I don't want to hear about my ex and all his escapades with that girl or anyone..... But it has done its damage.... Link to comment
Anusha Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hi kiwi24,I understand you are upsed but I think Seymore is right you shouldnt get involved in that.Is his and her problem and I know you just trying to help but you should be concetrating in yourself now.I spend the past days wondering about my ex fellings but then I realized is not worth,I need to concetrate on my own fellings and I think you should concetrate on yours too. Link to comment
xCOREx Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 well he'll die empty. you have to think about how stupid he'll feel one day. ppl do recognize their faults just run from them but when there is little future left it gets too hard to run. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 kiwi, you're thinking of the past, what he was thinking/doing, etc. You can't change how someone thinks, and you can't change the past. I'd imagine you're frustrated - you're looking to a time that you have zero control over now. You can control your emotions - focus on you. Spoil yourself, because what you're into now is no good. Link to comment
nimisaj Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Well... it's better to find out now, before any wedding takes place... then, after the marriage. You DON'T want a guy like that. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! Link to comment
nimisaj Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Also, out of curiosity, how old is this guy? Is he that much older than the 20 year old? Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 He's 28....well a girl not out of school and a guy into almost his 30s....all of our friends think this is horrific esp since she is his guy friend's younger sister. and his friend doesn't know otherwise there'd be major problems. The girl has also lived a VERY sheltered life so I can see how she's clinging on to him as she is naive and has no experience but he is using her...thats it...he's told my friend that it wont work between him and her and it's only been 3 weeks...but he'll keep her going for as long as he wants. Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm at home now and it's killing me because it keeps haunting me that she's probably headed over his apartment right now.... Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Do something. Watch a movie, listen to music. I was sitting in my condo last night...my lonely condo...I poured myself a glass of Amaretto and started playing my keyboard. I started at 9pm. Before I knew it, it was 12:30am and I was about to pass out. Didn't think about her once for those 3 hours. If you have something you really love to do, just do it. Dive right into it and lose yourself in it. It helps! Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm going to study for my GMAT!! Link to comment
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