I fell right into his trap

[starpoint]

Are there still any decent guys out there?? If so, where are they and why are they so hard to find? Is sex the only thing guys care about?

 

I really thought this guy (not exactly dating but just close chat buddies with a lot of harmless flirting thrown in) was different and had potential, yet he's turned out to be just like the other creeps who've IM'd me in the past. We've been chatting for 4 months now. I feel so stupid for having fell for his trap. I've written about him previously in these threads: #1; #2

 

He used philosophy, "intelligence", brain teasers, math problems, etc., to woo me in because he saw that that's what I like (he found me through one of those question-answer sites), and before I knew it he was going on and on about sex and how great sex is. He doesn't respect my ideas about sex and has made me second-guess myself many times. My friend told me that I should ditch him because we're not even dating and already he's making me doubt myself. It's just hard because I really liked our early chats and he really did help me to think about things differently. He just doesn't respect my personal values/boundaries. So I am ditching him. I've already changed my screenames and everything.

 

In retrospect, I'm aware that a lot of people go through this and this is hardly unusual, but I'm beginning to wonder where the nice guys are and where/how do I go about finding them? I hate getting so emotionally invested in a guy only to find out he's all about sex, sex, sex. Also, are there DECENT guys who would want to be with a virgin? I'm 26 and still a virgin because I've been holding out for the right guy...but now I'm not sure if that's even feasible anymore. He has told me that he doesn't want to be with virgins...but it's a catch-22 situation...if no one wants to be with a virgin, how are you supposed to be with anyone?

[EQD]

the nice guys will show themselves when you stop giving all these losers a chance.

you cant see the pretty flower if you are obsessed with the warm pile of poo its growing next to.

set your boundaries and stick to them.

[xCOREx]

plz do wait there are a ton of good guys out there. If you don't keep your faith then itll be hard for others to do so. Im 23 and waiting till marriage or at least the right person and its hard to know so many grls give up.

 

 

hearts and cheer up!

[ww2]

Good decision to dump him. I notice you are in Copenhagen. Unfortunately the Scandinavian countries have a reputation for sexual permissiveness. I'm just guessing, but that may be contributing to the responses you are getting.

[beejcee]

yes there are -- you just have to learn how to recognize them and value yourself enough to not settle thinking something (or someone) is better than nothing (or no one).

 

is it easy to do this? no.

 

is it worth it? yes!

 

i hope you meet the perfect guy for you soon!

[KG]

There are nice guys out there...just hold your moral ground.

[Adge]

Don't change for anyone. If you want to stay a virgin until you meet 'the one' then I admire you for it.

 

Nice guys do exist. I'd like to say I am half-and-half!

[perplunk]

Sure there are... We are hiding though: "The world is a vampire. Set to drain."

[xCOREx]

Sure there are... We are hiding though: "The world is a vampire. Set to drain."

 

we hide very well telling others about ourselves on the enotalone forums... make a list of good things then go on a search.

[cruzer]

Im also a virgin waiting till marriage, i just cant get a girl to give me a chance. =(

[wurth_skidder]

To increase hope, I'm a nice guy, 26, and also a virgin and had a horrible time finding a girl worth being with until the past seven months. I was amazed to find that there are still girls out there who are virgins around my age. I dated one in May who was 21, though not very mature for her age. Now I'm with a great 23 year old girl who is also a virgin and I was happy to find someone else who was mature and willing to wait for the right guy. I'm sure there are other guys out there who think this way. Don't give up.

[JadedStar]

was different and had potential, yet he's turned out to be just like the other creeps who've IM'd me in the past. We've been chatting for 4 months now. I feel so stupid for having fell for his trap

 

Once i read the above i stopped reading your post.

 

My advice is to not chat with someone for four months if you hope for a decent dating relationship. Men who want to date you won't be happy with chatting for that long, they will want to go out with you.

 

So one easy way to weed out the ones you speak of is to mention meeting up face to face within a few days of talking on IM or email. If they are the player type they will balk and try to keep on chatting longer.

 

Another reason to meet early is because it is VERY difficult to really read a person when you have not met them. Almost anyone can be a player on line if they want to try it, where they have time to think about the lines they are typing to you.