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I don't want to lose him!


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I have had horrible luck when it comes to love. (If you read some of my previous threads, you will see that). February of last year I met up with a man that contacted me on a social networking website. I was very unsure about him at first but after spending time with him, I really started to like him. My family and friends, on the other hand, never did. They constantly told me all of the things that were wrong with this guy and eventually I started to believe them. In a moment of anger I texted my guy messages that confirmed his worst fears (he could never make me happy and love me as much as I deserve, I am better with someone that will appreciate me more). Now I regret so much what I said. And I told him so (all by text) but he couldn't accept it and continued to say we need to take time apart to think. I texted him back saying being without him was making me miserable and I was breaking up with him because I couldn't wait for him to decide if he wanted to be with me or not.


I feel so bad for listening to my friends and family. He was the only source of happiness in my life and now he is gone. He won't respond to any of my text messages. Here are the reasons why my family and friends didn't approve:


-They were convinced he was too old for me (I am 27 and he is 37)

-He was not romantic (I told him he had to get me a Xmas present or he wouldn't have)

-He didn't deserve me or treat me the way I deserve to be treated

-He couldn't support me (he is a lawyer but he works for himself and doesn't make much money)

-They thought he was too stingy. He learned to save every penny from his father.

-He never bought me things (like flowers or cards)

-He is sick (he has congestive heart failure and could die and leave me)


Here are some of the reasons why I loved him:


-He loved me

-He listened to me

-He never criticized me and loved me for what I was



I just don't want this to be over. I met his parents and his uncle's family and they loved me. In November we spent a week with his parents in Florida. I was at the hospital almost every day when he found out he had a heart condition. I was there for him when his dog died. I bought him cookbooks for his new heart-healthy diet and we cooked together all the time. I was soo comfortable lying next to him and having his arm around me.


I won't say that he is perfect. My recent worries that led to our break-up involved my fear that his dog and the house he was planning on buying were more important to him than me....his dog because when we would sit on the couch and watch tv, he would hug up and kiss his dog while I sat off to the side (mind you, his other dog was just killed by poison so of course he would dote on this dog more now)....the house because he was planning on getting his dream house and fixing it up and he wanted me to live there with him but he never made any mention of us getting married. How could he expect me to put money into a house with him when we weren't even married?


All I wanted to do was talk to him about my concerns, but I never found the moment and now he is ignoring me completely. I know the things I texted him hurt him very deeply. How can I fix this? How long should I wait to contact him again? I just don't want to give up on him. I love him and I should have never been so influenced by my friends and family.


He felt like there was nothing he could do to make me happy so I think he has just given up. Is there any way in heaven I can convince him that I love him dearly and need him and he makes me unbelievably happy?


Some more details....


I sent him the angry texts because while I was out of town last weekend he saw a movie I wanted to see with him with someone else. Maybe I should not have assumed we would see the movie together, but we always go to movies together. His response when I first told him I was sad was "You left me." I.E. because I went away one weekend, he saw the movie without me.


I am on antidepressants and I take them religiously but the morning of the day I sent him the angry texts, I hadn't taken my medicine. Could this explain my outburst?


Please, please help me!

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I've noticed that you have more reasons to break up with him than to stay with him. Obviously, you felt there was something missing, otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did. Your family didn't force you to break up with him - it was your choice and perhaps you should take some time to reevaluate, because you might've had some solid reasons. It is natural to back away from these type of decisions, because you naturally miss him and your questioning yourself. Don't play with his head by apologizing for breaking up, if you're not 100% sure you want to be with him. Don't blame it on your family, friends and antidepressants that you didn't take (not taking antidepressants for one say won't make you break up with people) - it was your decision made for real reasons.


Now, for some people being romantic, buying gifts may not be important, but obviously for you they are, so unless you're willing to change those expectations, your problems will continue. He's most likely not going to change at that age and maybe you shouldn't expect him to. It is a good idea to take time and think about this - if he cares for you, he won't go away.

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I should also mention that this morning (because I can't leave well enough alone) I sent him a text saying I wish him all the best, I hope his health improves and that he finds someone that loves him for him.


No response.


I want him back. I am grasping at straws here.

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so what he didnt give gifts... things i mean. If you feel he loved you and you him then he gave you a gift maybe your friends and family havent yet recived. The greatest gift is the beauty in the way you feel for your life and if he is/was a part of that then i think you know what you should do. as for how to go about it im not sure i wish i knew more of him i might have more to say but dont give up or youll feel worse for that im certain of it. keep strong and hopeful.

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there is really nothing you can do right now other than text him that you've made a mistake and that you're sorry. You've already done that, so now all you have to do is wait. He will call you. He's just understandably upset.


Does he know what your parents and friends think of him? He must be upset that you would break up with him due to their influence. You're mad at yourself and he knows it, but he needs to think about whether he can trust you with his emotions. Give him time and give yourself time to prepare for the conversation.

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wait as long as you wish. theresno right or wrong to this that anyone can know except what you decide. as long as you can stay happy i say wait. idk but if i was angry id not answer a while but repetitive calling would make me answer at one point cause id start to believe i was really wanted. I say keep the calling as long as its with time inbetween but then thats just me.

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He knows that my family and friends don't like him. I have pretty much relayed every bad thing they think about him to him.


I just sent him some more messages and received no response. I deleted his number from my phone so I stop (I don't have the number memorized). Otherwise I will continue to make a fool of myself. ](*,)

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Hey Valmont77


Just to clarify, was he counting on your financial input as far as buying his house? I am sorry you are feeling so bad and hurt. I agree with others, that maybe letting things lie a bit for now might be best. Give yourself some room to think and not be so desperate about the situation. If there is any substance to your relationship with him, you two will be able to talk again. I hope you can find some peace with yourself about this. Take care.

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One of his passions is construction. He can't do as much of it since he got sick. He has a partner that he builds houses with. He owns his law firm (the other 3 lawyers there pay him rent). He is almost done building a house with his partner. He lives in another house owned by his best friend, which he paid to renovate. And he still has college loans from law school. He has a lot of debt no doubt. His plan was to get this other house for $15,000 and renovate it. He had the cash for that and the cash to put in escrow (maybe $35,000 total). The city wanted him to have more cash but he is going to argue it. In the meantime he did ask me to apply for a loan to fix up the house because his credit is not so good. I hesitated and he didnt understand why. He said the house was for us to live in. I hesitated because my credit is questionable right now and I won't get in debt for him/us when we aren't even engaged.

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Fair enough.


It does seem a bit much for him to ask you to threaten your own credit without some kind of real commitment from him. I don't blame you and think it was a wise decision.


About your family not approving. I once went through that and in the end they were right. I am not saying that is your situation at all, but, don't discount that your family has known you your whole life and hopefully has your best interest at heart. Ultimately, you chose to break off with him. Now, your family may have influenced that decision, but, it was yours in the end. Perhaps you have more trust and respect for your family and friends and their opinions then you can see right now.


Losing anyone we love is hard and painful. Let him contact you and let you know where he stands on the relationship. It's his turn, I think.


Take care, get some sleep if you can. You seem to have a lot of people looking out for you, that isn't a bad thing afterall.

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you have to stop texting him. THIS WILL MAKE U look desperate and he will lose his attraction towards you. TRUST ME I DID IT. u have to not text him / contact him and I know its the hardest thing in the world to do. but if this is the person you want to be with. DO NOT CONTACT HIM

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